'LOVE IS MANAGING YOUR ANGER



FRUIT OF PATIENCE

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Fruit Of The Spirit Message Series

May 1, 2016

Pastor Nathan J. Thompson

This morning as we lift up the Fruit of Patience it is essential on the opposite side that we also lift up how to manage your anger. The Bible says, “Love is not easily angered.” It doesn’t say you should never get angry; there are many times you will get angry.

“Love is not easily angered.” The key you need to learn is how to manage your anger; how to have patience as you face those emotion filled challenges. Yet how do we do this? I will focus today on six keys according to the Bible on how to be filled with the Fruit of Patience; how to manage your anger and those temptations to lash out (be passive aggressive) at others.

The first key to being patient and managing your anger is that you resolve to manage it. God gave you in your biological makeup the capacity to get angry. Anger therefore is not necessarily sin; Jesus got angry. The issue is your patience and how you handle it. Anger surrounded by patience and understanding can become an asset rather than a liability.

You can’t avoid anger; you can learn how to control it with a Spirit of Patience. You quit saying things like you can’t control it or you have to let it out: you instead start praying each day that God will fill you with that fruit of patience.

Quit making excuses and justifying your anger—“Oh, that’s just me; I just blow up once in awhile.” Have you ever been in an argument with your husband (wife/kids); your words are very loud when the telephone rings?

Notice how quickly you can patiently manage your anger. You’ve got more control/patience than you think you do. Resolve to allow God's fruit to fill you. Make the affirmation, “I can be patient with God’s help.”

The second key to being patient and managing your anger is to realize the cost. The Bible says that there is always a price tag to anger. Proverbs 29:22 says, “A hot tempered man (person) gets into all kinds of trouble.”

The truth is that whenever you lose your patience (temper) you lose. You don’t make it to the top if you’re continually blowing your top. The word “danger” is the word “anger” with a “d” in front of it. Yes, losing your patience can be very dangerous. You can lose everything—your reputation; spouse; job; friends: health.

I read an article one time titled, “Is Anger Killing You?” New evidence about the heart shows that reducing the hostility in you (being filled with peace and patience) can add to your years. Parents, you may get short-term results by motivating your kids through anger/threats. They may comply out of fear, yet in the long run you lose.

Anger always alienates. It turns people off rather than turns them on. It causes others to be apathetic; to be angry at you rather than getting what you want to accomplish. It doesn’t work.

The third key to being patient and managing your anger is to think before reacting; don’t respond impulsively. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A foolish person lets his anger run wild. But a wise person keeps himself under control.” When you start to get ticked off you need a “time out.” The longer you hold your temper the more you get control of it; the more you can find patience.

Give yourself some time to stop, reflect and think it through—that's the center of patience. If you don’t stop and think, you almost always will do the wrong thing. You need the habit of stepping back; waiting a few minutes; taking a deep breath; looking at the situation from God’s patient and loving point of view. It was Thomas Jefferson who said, “When you get angry count to ten; when you get real angry count to 100.”

Try to understand your anger; analyze it. “Why am I getting angry?” The truth is that the more you understand and are patient with your kids (spouse; boss) the less you’ll get angry at them in inappropriate ways. Understanding makes you understanding; it helps you be more patient.

It is important to note that anger is never really the root problem in you. It’s a symptom; a warning light; it tells you something is wrong. There are really three causes of anger—hurt, fear, frustration. When you get angry you need to stop and analyze which of these it is. Are you hurt; afraid; threatened? Are you frustrated?

You’re nailing some nails in a board and you hit your thumb with the hammer—you hurt. Because you hurt you get angry. On the other hand when you’re afraid you may feel like an animal being backed into a corner; you may want to attack back. Then thirdly when you feel like you're losing something you hold valuable you get angry; because of course you feel threatened. The more understanding you have the more understanding/patient you’ll be.

The fourth key to being patient and managing your anger is to release your anger appropriately. Ephesians 4:26 says, “When you get angry, do not sin.” This verse implies that there is a way to get angry and not sin. The truth is there are right ways to get angry; there are wrong ways to get angry. You need to learn patience and how to express your anger in appropriate ways.

Now to deny that you are angry is really a sin; it’s called lying. Anger is not necessarily wrong, it’s just how you release it. Most people learn to express anger when they are very young; however they’re still using that same way as adults. Yet temper tantrums don’t work.

Most people express their anger in a way that they end up further away from their goal than they were before they were angry; it has the opposite affect of producing the intended results. Blowing up at people never produces lasting change, it only produces more anger and alienation. We all seem to know that, yet we still continue to do it.

The best way to release your anger appropriately is to admit it. Admit it to yourself, to others, to God. Even more important than simply admitting that you’re angry is admitting why you are angry. You're hurt; frustrated; feel threatened by what someone just said; afraid you're going to lose something. Deal with the issue. Confess the issue. Pray to God for patience.

The fifth key to being patient and managing your anger is to re-pattern your mind. Romans 12:2 says, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” The way you act is determined by the way you feel. The way you feel is determined by the way you think. I’m acting angry because I feel angry; because I’m choosing to think angry thoughts.

If you want to change a habitual pattern of improper anger management—pouting; blowing up; slamming doors; threatening others; having a pity party—then you need some mental reconditioning. Gary Smalley in his book, “The Language of Love,” says we should write out how we’d like to respond to anger situations; then read it aloud to ourselves once a week for six months, 26 times. That’s a lot of work. Yet how serious are you about changing a habit?

The truth is that angry people are very insecure people. The more insecure you are the more things will tick you off; the less patient you will be. When you understand how much God loves you; how your security is in Christ. The more you understand how much you matter to God, the more your irritability is going to take a nose dive. It has to do with your image of yourself and what God says about you. You need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind; you need to allow the Holy Spirit to fill you with the Fruit of Patience.

The sixth key to being patient and managing your anger is that you need a friend(s) who are patient; a person(s) who manages their anger well. Is anger contagious?--Yes. Can you be infected by someone else’s anger?--Certainly! It can be very contagious.

Therefore it is very important the friends that you choose. Get around patient people who are dealing with anger the way Jesus would. That of course is one of the benefits of a church; it is why I believe in joining a church family and getting involved; it is why I believe in being involved in a small group. The church is to be a place filled with the Fruit of God's Spirit; a place where we are surrounded by Spirit values.

All anger is learned; since it is learned it can be unlearned. When God's Spirit of patience and love fill your heart; when your anger is positively managed it produces great friendships; churches; businesses; athletes; schools; communities; church leaders.

James Dobson says this, “Successful marriages are not those marriages where anger or conflict do not exist. Rather, successful marriages are where they’ve learned to manage their anger. When anger is managed it produces great marriages.” I hope all husbands/wives will be filled with the Fruit of Patience; will learn how to communicate correctly the language of love; will manage your anger.

How then does Jesus help you overcome your anger? He does it by attacking the root problem. Jesus focuses on your hurts; your frustrations; your fears. He wants to replace that hurt in your heart with his healing love. He wants to replace your frustrations with a new level of peace—a peace that passes all understanding. Jesus wants to replace your fears; your insecurities with his power and assurance.

The truth is that a person filled with the Spirit of Patience is a person who is a blessing to all.

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