Definition of Biblical Counseling
Helping People Change
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Contents
Lesson 1: Introduction
Lesson 2: The Qualifications of a Biblical Counselor
Lesson 3: The Doctrine of Spiritual Growth
Lesson 4: The Importance of Personal Responsibility
Lesson 5: Dealing with Temptation
Lesson 6: Key Elements of the Counseling Process
Lesson 7: Psychobabble—The Errors and Myths of Pop Psychology
Lesson 8: Rules of Communication
Lesson 9: Overcoming Worry/Anxiety
Lesson 10: Overcoming Anger
Lesson 11: Overcoming Depression
Lesson 12: Dealing with Stress/Tension
Lesson 13: Overcoming Fear
Lesson 14: Dealing with Guilt
Lesson 15: Biblical Perspectives on Suffering
Lesson 16: Overcoming Marriage Problems
Lesson 17: Dealing with Doubt (Lack of Assurance of Salvation)
This material is largely based on A Servant’s Guide to Biblical Counseling, compiled by Mark Buhr, First Baptist Church of Gibraltar, MI. Original source was Faith Baptist Church/Faith Biblical Counseling of Lafayette, IN. Modified by Brad Anderson, Liberty Baptist Church, Antigo, WI. Other sources noted. This is the teacher’s edition of the notes with blanks filled in and additional notes and comments [in brackets].
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 1: Introduction
The biblical word for positive change is sanctification. Essentially, to be sanctified is to be holy. No one can attain perfect sanctification in this life, but every Christian should be moving toward higher levels of consecration, maturity, and commitment (see 2 Pet 1:5-8, 3:18). Every believer is personally responsible to grow in his own sanctification. Further, believers are to encourage and exhort one another to grow in grace (thus, all the “one another” passages in the NT).
In the local church, each member is responsible to “exercise Christian care and watchfulness over one another.”[1] Members strive to promote grace, knowledge, holiness and spirituality within the church. The author of Hebrews exhorts believers to “consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works” (Heb 10:24). This series of lessons is designed to aid Christians in helping one another toward biblical change. We might describe this task as biblical counseling.
Some might object that biblical counseling is the domain of pastors and professional counselors, and that average Christians should mind their own business. However, the biblical expectation is that all Christians will be involved in helping others change through biblical advice, exhortation, and encouragement.
Note Paul’s words:
Rom 15:14 And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.
Paul clearly expected believers to be able to “admonish one another.” The word “admonish” is an important one in the discussion of biblical counseling. It could be translated as “counsel, warn, instruct, or exhort.” Thus, every believer should be able to counsel, warn, or exhort any other believer in an effort to bring about necessary change.
Definition of Biblical Counseling
In simple terms, biblical counseling is giving biblical advice to those who need to change. This process typically involves three elements: identifying the need, finding the solution to the need, and revealing the motives behind the change needed.
• Need identification boils down to discerning the thinking and behavior that God wants one to change.
• The solution to that need is the application of the Word of God in order to change the wrong thinking and behavior.
• The motives behind the changes made are the spiritual growth of the counselee and the glory of God.
Biblical or “Nouthetic” Counseling
As noted above, the biblical word “admonish” (Greek: noutheteo) means to “counsel, warn, instruct, or exhort.” Passages that use noutheteo:
1 Cor 4:14 I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you.
Col 1:28 Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus:
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
1 Thes 5:14 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.
2 Thes 3:15 Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
Thus, to admonish refers to the process of counseling someone from the Word of God in order to bring him or her to a place of obedience to Christ. That obedience will then bring growth and satisfaction to the counselee and glory to God.
In some cases, admonishment is the responsibility of the pastor. But more generally speaking, admonishment is the responsibility of every believer (“admonishing one another”). Thus, biblical counseling is not restricted to pastors or to professional counselors only. Any believer who is “full of goodness, filled with all knowledge” (Rom 15:14) should be able to participate in biblical counseling. In Galatians 6:1-2, Paul exhorts all spiritual believers to be involved in the restoration of those who have fallen into sin. Any believer who is a serious and obedient student of God’s Word is a capable counselor. In fact, confronting people about their sin and helping them to live obediently is part of the church’s discipleship ministry (Matt 18:15-18, 28:18-20). Because members of a church have committed themselves to watch over one another, the process of biblical counseling works best under the oversight of the local church.
The Theological Pyramid
We must approach, understand, and apply the Bible correctly if we are going to be of any help to those with problems. The following graphic represents this truth (start at the bottom).
Implications of the Theological Pyramid
1. The bottom levels of the pyramid support the top level (change & growth). The accurate and organized (systematized) use of the Bible is the key to true biblical counseling. Biblical principles must have active control over the entire counseling process. Counseling is, in essence, repeating and explaining biblical passages that apply to the counselee’s situation and problem. The Bible is God’s only tool to bring about our change, growth, and satisfaction.
2. Since the Bible and theology are the only God-ordained tools for Christian counseling, two conclusions are apparent. First, if one desires to be a competent counselor, one must be a serious and obedient student of the Word of God. Second, the most competent counselor is not the one with training in secular psychology, but the one who has the best grasp of the teachings of God’s Word.
3. Many advocates of “Christian counseling” today try to combine the “assured results” of secular psychology with biblical truth. Counselors often get their training in psychology from secular universities and adopt the theories of the leading voices in psychology (e.g., Freud, Rogers, Jung, Maslow, Skinner, etc.). They try to integrate such theories with the Bible, with mixed results at best. Biblical counseling does not employ secular psychological theories.
The Sufficiency of Christ & His Word
Col 2:8 Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ
2 Pet 1:3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
Biblical counseling, as a sub-category of Christian growth, assumes that the believer’s relationship with Christ and the teachings of God’s Word determines whether he can deal effectively with life’s problems. Even in counseling an unbeliever, one must assume a biblical foundation. While simple obedience to the moral and ethical injunctions of the Bible will help an unsaved person, his greatest need is forgiveness of sins through faith in Christ as his sin-bearer. Only through an obedient relationship with Christ is true satisfaction possible. Through a biblical knowledge of Christ, obedience to His Word, and the working of God’s Spirit, a Christian can effectively deal with all of life’s problems and situations. One need not resort to the tenuous and often contradictory theories of humanistic psychology to find solutions to typical problems.
Read the following passages: Psalm 119:24; Isaiah 28:29; 1 Corinthians 1:18-25; 2 Corinthians 9:8; Romans 8:5-8; Eph 1:3; Colossians 2:2-3
The Bible claims to contain everything Christians need for living in a way that pleases God. Biblical counseling, as opposed to secular or Christian psychology, holds that believers need not seek counsel outside biblical principles to help them deal with their issues of inner well-being and soul-health. The Bible has the solutions, at least in principle, to problems of the human soul (psyche). The Word of God is the only reliable, sufficient, and supreme resource for the diagnosis and remedy of the human soul.
The Bible is not an encyclopedia of counseling topics that lists every particular human problem, but it does contain revelatory data to establish an effective framework for the diagnosis and treatment of every soul-problem.[2] Christianity provides a distinct and comprehensive point of view about human souls and the cure for what ails them. God’s view of human psychology and his call to soul-therapy differ essentially and pervasively from both the theories and therapies that have dominated psychological discourse and practice in the 20th century.[3] We dare not attempt to integrate human theories about the soul with God’s Word.
The Goal of Biblical Counseling
People may come to us with their problems, seeking solutions. However, people often confuse symptoms of the problem with the root of the problem itself. Christian counseling seeks to get at the root of the problem, not merely eliminate the pain of the symptom.
The highest goal in any counseling situation is to glorify God by bringing one’s life into greater conformity with God’s will and character as revealed in the Bible.
Read the following passages: Ps 1; Ps 119:9-11; Isaiah 43:6-7; Romans 8:29; 1 Corinthians 10:31; 1 Peter 1:15-16; 1 Peter 4:11
The primary goal of every believer can be boiled down to the following statement: Every believer should strive to reflect and glorify Jesus Christ by living obedient, holy, and submissive lives. No matter what the situation, every believer must strive to conform to the image of Christ. Therefore, when counseling others, this is the first issue to be addressed. Every other issue is secondary. Whether the problem relates to marriage, child rearing, parental problems, depression, fear, or anything else, our goal must be to reflect and glorify Christ. A series of questions could be asked in order to ensure that the counselee has the proper goal. The following is just a sample:
1. Are you submitting to God’s will in this difficulty, and attempting to see His purpose in it?
2. Is your goal in this difficulty God’s glory, or simply your own relief and/or happiness?
3. Are you willing to submit to God’s Word as we try to find a solution to this problem?
4. Are you willing to change your life in accordance with the teachings of God’s Word?
5. Are you honoring Christ and obeying Him during this difficulty?
6. Do you have biblical goals for the other person/people involved (their salvation, growth, etc.)?
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 2: The Qualifications of a Biblical Counselor
Rom 15:14 And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.
Gal 6:1-2 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
“Mind your own business” is a prevailing attitude in our culture today. Many are unwilling to get involved with others’ problems. And in some cases, those who are willing to come to the aid of others do more harm than good. Christians cannot have an apathetic, insensitive attitude about others in need, especially those in their own church. This lesson will discuss the qualifications for those who would offer biblical counsel.
There is a Great Need for Biblical Counseling
Galatians 6:1 demonstrates that biblical counselors are needed.
← Individuals are often overtaken in a fault. The word “fault” means “a lapse, sin or misdeed; an offense, a fall.” This is not an innocent mistake; it’s a matter of disobedience. Someone in the church discovers that this sinful condition is genuine, not merely a rumor. The nature of this fault requires that others get involved to confront the offender and bring about a restoration.
← Individuals are “overtaken,” or caught, in sinful activity. The word suggests being surprised by something. People are often surprised at how easily they “fall” into sin and how deeply sin affects their lives. A good example of this is King David.
← Individuals in sin need to be restored. The word “restore” suggests mending or fixing something that is broken; to repair, complete, or equip. Because those involved in sinful behavior need to be restored, someone must get involved and encourage them in that direction.
Potentially, Every Christian Has the Capacity to Counsel
On a basic level, any Christian can offer biblical advice to anyone in need. Even those who are disobedient themselves may be able to communicate biblical advice. We recognize that every Christian has his own set of weaknesses and failures. We need not wait until we achieve some kind of Christian perfection to be qualified to offer assistance to others. If only the sinless came to the aid of those in need, precious little counseling would be done. People in need of change themselves are capable of helping others change. Whatever our spiritual maturity, we have a basic responsibility to help other believers when the opportunity arises.
“Ye Which are Spiritual” Are Competent to Counsel
Romans 15:14 and Galatians 6:1-2 demonstrate that God uses people to bring about restoration. The following is a description of those who are most qualified to counsel:
1. Counselors should be “full of goodness.” Their objective is to do good, not harm. They have the right heart attitude; their intents and motivations are good. Their heart is in the right place.
2. Counselors should be “filled with all knowledge.” That is, they have a good understanding of the person, his problem, and the biblical solution. The most important knowledge that a counselor has is the knowledge of the Bible and sound theology. But he also has to understand the details of the problem and how to address it.
In Matthew 18:15-18, Jesus gives a description of how to confront a fellow believer. Notice the steps involved:
First, find out if a genuine “trespass” has occurred. The word used here is a generic one used of almost any kind of sin. Some offenses are best “covered” (Prov 10:12 “love covers all sins”) and forgotten. But other sins require a response.
Next, “tell him his fault between thee and him alone.” In other words, approach the offender privately and confront him about this offense. Two outcomes are possible:
1) “If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.” That is, if he admits his sin and repents, that’s the end of it. In some cases, restitution might be necessary.
2) “If he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.” The witnesses are there to verify that 1) the sin is actually taking place, 2) individual has been confronted, and 3) he refuses to repent.
The third step is “tell it unto the church.” The entire congregation can try to influence the person to repent. Remember that church discipline procedures are private, family matters not to be discussed with non-members.
Finally, “if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.” In other words, those who refuse to repent are excommunicated from the church. The offender is considered to be an unbeliever.
At any point in the process, if the offender repents and deals with his sin biblically, the matter is dropped and things go back to normal (unless the nature of the sin prevents this).
Anyone involved in this kind of process must have an accurate understanding of the situation and how to proceed.
3. Counselors should be “able to admonish.” As noted earlier, the word “admonish” suggests a verbal warning, instruction, or exhortation. Those who have the right to confront others have the obligation to do so.
4. Counselors should be spiritual. Gal 6:1 – “ye which are spiritual restore such an one…”
• What Christian spirituality is not:
← Extraordinary, rare, higher elevations of super-Christianity
← Conformity to all the rules in the Bible; rule-keeping
← Some mystical, secret experience available to only a fortunate few. E.g., dreams, tongues speaking, hearing voices, special feelings, promptings, “vibes,” intuitions, meditation, etc. Genuine spirituality is not merely having mystical experiences.
← Christianity. All genuinely spiritual people are Christians, but not all Christians are genuinely spiritual. Being spiritual goes beyond being saved.
• What Christian spirituality is:
1 Cor 2:12-15 Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.
← The original word is pneumatikos. It’s the word for spirit (pneuma) and a suffix -ikos which denotes “pertaining to.” The word conveys the sense of belonging to the realm of Holy Spirit or being under the control of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit ministers to the believer in various ways: teaching (John 16:12–15), guiding (Rom 8:14), assuring (Rom 8:16), interceding (Rom 8:26), imparting spiritual gifts (1 Cor 12:7), battling the flesh (Gal 5:17), and all of these depend on the filling of the Spirit (Eph 5:18).
← To be filled with the Spirit implies being controlled by the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18 contrasts drunkenness and Spirit-filling. Just as a drunken person is influenced by the liquor which he consumes, so a Spirit-filled Christian is influenced by the Spirit. This will cause him to act in ways which are unnatural to him, not erratic or abnormal, but not the ways of the old life. Control by the Spirit is a necessary part of spirituality.[4]
← Other synonyms for “spiritual” are found in Rom 8:5-9:
For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his.
← Thus, one who is led by the Spirit, filled with the Spirit, demonstrating the gifts of the Spirit, and displaying the fruit of the Spirit could be called spiritual. Essentially, spirituality is Christian maturity, what Paul calls “the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Eph 4:13).
← Being spiritual is something to which all believers should aspire. Spirituality is something profound, yet practical. It is meant for every Christian, no matter what his station in life may be. The spiritual man is the Christian’s ideal. This is where we all should be.
• Jesus called the Holy Spirit “another comforter” (John 14:16-17). The word “comforter” means “one called along side; an advocate, counselor, or assistant.” Under the Holy Spirit’s direction, this is exactly what the counselor is trying to do—provide aid, counsel, and assistance.
5. Counselors should desire to restore others. They feel a sense of compassion for those “overtaken in a fault.” They want to see such people restored to usefulness and obedience. It matters to them that a professing Christian is living in rebellion against God.
6. Counselors should have an attitude of humility and meekness. “There but for the grace of God go I.”
7. Counselors should be aware of their own propensity to sin. “Considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.” Cf. Jer 17:9.
8. Counselors should help bear the burdens of others (Gal 6:2).
9. Counselors should recognize the serious nature and consequences of sin.
Some People Should Not Get Involved in Counseling
The words “able to admonish” suggest some limitations on the practice. Some are simply not able or do not have the right to counsel others.
1. If one is not “full of goodness” and is not “filled with all knowledge,” he probably should not get involved in others’ personal problems. Depending on the circumstances, one may not have the right to offer his counsel, or perhaps it would be offensive or inappropriate to get involved.
2. Those in a rebellious, backslidden condition need counseling and restoration themselves and are in no condition to offer biblical advice to anyone else. While it is true that God is not limited by human sinfulness (cf. Abraham, Jacob, Samson, David), it is also true that those who offer biblical advice should be following that advice themselves. Those currently struggling with the same sins and failures as the counselee are not suitable counselors. Those offering counsel must avoid the charge of hypocrisy. We should be able to say “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1).
Those who have struggled with and overcome the same temptations can be very effective counselors. E.g., former addicts (drugs, alcohol, porn, etc.) have life experiences that may make them effective counselors. One must exercise discernment here, “lest thou also be tempted” (Gal 6:1).
3. Those not “spiritual” (i.e., mature in the faith) are not well equipped to restore those who have fallen. Immature believers need to work on their own spiritual development (i.e., sanctification) before helping others with theirs. Potentially, any believer could offer biblical counsel; but practically speaking, only those who have their own house in order should.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 3: The Doctrine of Spiritual Growth
As mentioned previously, biblical counseling is an aspect of sanctification (i.e., discipleship or Christian growth). Before discussing how to help people change, we should gain a good understanding of the doctrine of sanctification since that is what we are trying to facilitate. If our understanding of spiritual growth is faulty, our expectations and methods will also be faulty.
Introductory Facts
□ Jesus grew “in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man” (Luke 2:52).
□ Growth (Christ-likeness) is part of God’s plan for us (Rom 8:28-29).
□ Growth is necessary for Christian maturity (Eph 4:13; Heb 5:12-14).
□ We are commanded to grow in grace and in knowledge (2 Pet 3:18).
Progressive Sanctification
Some churches do not emphasize the doctrine of sanctification. That’s unfortunate, because the growth of believers is foundational for a healthy church and for healthy individuals.
A Definition of Sanctification
I. The primary meaning of sanctification is dedication or consecration, what we might call set-apartness. The concept of sanctification is rooted in the truth that God is holy and affirms that humans need to become holy. The set-apartness inherent in sanctification is intended to lead ultimately to Christ-likeness (Rom 8:29). We understand that sanctification follows regeneration as growth follows birth; therefore, it is spiritual maturing following the impartation of spiritual life (regeneration).
II. Sanctification is that continuous operation of the Holy Spirit using the Word to strengthen the new life begun at regeneration.
A. The word “sanctify” comes from the root word “holy.” Sanctification is the process whereby one becomes more holy.
B. In a positional sense, the believer is sanctified or declared holy at the point of salvation. He is spiritually separated from sin and separated unto God. This position is not based on the believer’s behavior; it is perfect and unchanging, based on justification.
C. In a practical sense, the believer is more or less sanctified in his daily behavior, more or less yielded to the Holy Spirit, more or less obedient to God’s commands, more or less faithful. This is the aspect of sanctification we are addressing in this series.
D. Sanctification is a lifelong process, never fully complete.
1. Man is never in this life completely free from sinful tendencies (John 13:10; Rom 6:12; 1 John 1:8).
2. The old flesh and new nature are in constant conflict (Rom 7:15f; Gal 5:17; Eph 4:22-23; James 4:5; 1 John 1:8).
3. Sanctification is not living totally without sin but living with decreasing frequency of sin and increasing awareness of sinfulness (Rom 8:13-14; 1 Cor 6:11; Gal 2:20; Col 3:5).
4. We sometimes describe sanctification as progressive, which implies that the process continues and builds as time goes by. One does not become sanctified all at once, but only through of a process of growth and experience.
E. Sanctification is a special work of the Holy Spirit.
1. The Holy Spirit teaches, leads into truth (John 14:26).
2. The Holy Spirit is present to guide and direct (Rom 8:4-14).
3. The Holy Spirit gives assurance that one is saved (Rom 8:15-17).
4. The Holy Spirit enables production of fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:16-21).
III. Explanations important to understanding sanctification
A. Sanctification is the work of God (1 Thess 5:23); it is not a human process. This is not to suggest that we have no role to play in our own spiritual growth. We can help or hinder the process. But we must recognize that “it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Phil 2:13).
B. It is a continuous, ongoing process throughout the Christian’s life (Phil 1:6; 3:15; Col 3:9-10).
C. It has periods of rapid or slower growth (Eph 4:15; 1 Thess 3:12; 2 Pet 3:18). Our faith-response can be strengthened or may diminish (Luke 17:5; Rom 12:2; 13:14; Eph 4:24; Col 1:10; 1 Tim 4:7).
D. Growth often corresponds to a believer's surrender and obedience (Phil 2:12-13; Col 3:5-11; 1 Pet 2:2).
E. The goal of sanctification is Christ-likeness, not happiness, “victory” over sin, a “higher plane” of spirituality, intimacy with God, etc.
F. Sanctification happens for those who hear the Word, exercise faith, and heed Scripture (Acts 15:9; Rom 1:17). It is a rather simple concept.
G. Analogy: physical growth is not by determination (Matt 6:27) but by food, exercise, rest, and time. Similarly, there are means of spiritual growth.
1. Spiritual growth is not by some sacramental means of grace (e.g., baptism, communion, confession, penance, etc.).
2. Spiritual growth comes as we “walk by faith”: reading and hearing Scripture, meditating, praying, singing, witnessing, confessing sin, even suffering (Josh 1:8; John 6:48, 51; 17:17; Phil 3:12; 1 John 1:8).
The Doctrine of Sanctification Among Various Groups
□ Roman Catholicism: Catholicism sees little distinction between sanctification and justification. The Church teaches that faith and works are necessary for salvation. For Catholics, good works (i.e., keeping the sacraments) are not the result of salvation; they are a necessary element of salvation. If this is our view of sanctification—
← It’s unlikely that one professing this system is genuinely saved.
← A lapse in good works amounts to a loss of salvation (i.e., mortal sins).
← Little assurance of salvation is possible because one can never assume he is good enough to merit a place in heaven.
← Practically speaking, Catholics tend to rely on their works (attending mass, confession, penance, etc.) to merit salvation, yet often lead a worldly lifestyle. As long as one keeps up the ritual, he’s OK.
□ Wesleyan Perfectionism: entire sanctification
Charles Wesley taught that the sin nature may be eradicated. He called this point of eradication “Christian Perfection” or “perfect love.” His theory was that in the normal Christian, the principle of holiness, which began at the new birth, gradually expands and strengthens as the believer grows in grace and knowledge. This growth continues until a final, all-encompassing act of submission occurs. With this Holy Spirit-produced act of faith, the believer becomes complete and perfect, and his sin nature is eradicated. The believer reaches a point where he no longer sins willfully and the struggle against sin ends. If this is our view of sanctification—
← Very few ever enjoy a state of “perfect love” for any length of time. The goal is virtually unreachable.
← Sin will have to be re-defined to allow for typical human weaknesses and failures.
← Striving for an impossible goal may lead to anxiety and depression.
□ A Popular Modification of Wesley’s View: “I surrender all”; the deeper or higher life (Keswick movement)
Many Evangelicals believe that the Christian life involves two major steps: salvation and dedication. These are seen as separate events initiating different phases in the Christian experience. Those holding this view assert that one must maintain a distinction between accepting Christ as Savior and accepting Him as Lord. To them, the first step in the Christian life is salvation, when one accepts Christ as Savior. Salvation does not require or assume any commitment to Christ on the part of the convert. He is merely accepting Christ as his sin-bearer. The second step is discipleship, when one accepts Christ as Lord of his life. The second step often occurs through a “crisis experience.” Total surrender to God empowers the believer’s obedience. Sustained victory over sin comes to those who abide in Christ through total surrender of their wills. If this is our view of sanctification—
← Some professing believers are not genuinely saved, not having accepted Christ for who He is. Those who are saved may be very weak in the faith, not having recognized the necessity of commitment and obedience to Christ.
← Frustration sets in when one finds himself making repeated surrenders, especially when surrender does not result in permanent “victory” over sin.
← Continued struggle with temptation and sin may cause one to doubt his salvation.
□ Progressive Sanctification: gradual improvement through struggle
The Christian walk is a process of sanctification. It’s a struggle and a battle (Gal 5:17; Eph 6:12) in which the believer gradually undercuts the strength of the old nature and strengthens the powers of the new nature. Sanctification entails a process of putting off the old, renewing the mind, and putting on the new (Eph 4:22-24). This process begins at the moment of salvation when the sinner submits to Christ as Lord and Savior. While sinless perfection is not attainable, a God-honoring life is. Believers are new persons who are being progressively renewed. They still battle sin and will sometimes fall short of the goal, but they are no longer slaves to sin.
“The newness of the new self is not static but dynamic, needing continual renewal, growth, and transformation. A believer deeply conscious of his or her shortcomings does not need to say, ‘Because I am a sinner, I cannot consider myself a new person.’ Rather, he or she should say, ‘I am a new person, but I still have a lot of growing to do.’”[5]
If this is our view of sanctification—
← We are not surprised or depressed when we or others struggle with sin (cf. Rom 7:14-25).
← We do not expect sinless perfection or complete “victory” over sin this side of heaven. The struggle with sin is life-long.
← We expect converts to make progress in the Christian life as soon as they are saved. We expect to observe signs of spiritual life in the life of a professing Christian.
← Growth in grace requires effort—“exercise thyself unto godliness” (1 Tim 4:7).
← Lack of sanctification leads to lack of assurance of salvation. Some have good reason to doubt their salvation (i.e., if the evidence does not support one’s profession).
The average Christian may experience various “crisis” moments in life in which he makes a further commitment or submission to Christ. Each believer goes through those times in life when, because of trials, convicting preaching, or some other influence, he realizes that he needs to be more consistent in his Christian walk. But progressive sanctification is not revivalistic in its approach. Progress in sanctification may occur at any time.
Keeping Progressive Sanctification in Mind when Counseling:
It is important that those being counseled realize that God does not “zap” people with instant growth. If people are going to make changes in their lives and grow, it will involve a lifelong process—see Eph 4:22-24. Commitment, obedience, and effort are required for growth in godliness. Discipline and self-control are part of the equation. Without this understanding, the counselee may fail to understand how change will occur.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 4: The Importance of Personal Responsibility
Someone Else’s Fault
I went to my psychiatrist to be psychoanalyzed
To find out why I killed my cat and blackened my wife’s eyes
He put me on a downy couch to see what he could find
And this is what he dredged up from my unconscious mind.
When I was one, my mommy hid my blanket in the trunk
And so it follows naturally that I am always drunk.
When I was two, I saw my father kiss the maid one day
And that is why I suffer now from kleptomania.
When I was three, I suffered awful violence from my brothers
And so it follows naturally I poisoned all my lovers.
I’m so glad that I have learned the lesson this has taught
That everything I do that’s wrong is someone else’s fault.
What’s the point of this poem? [It’s pointing out how ridiculous it is to blame others for your own sins.]
Wouldn’t it be great if you never had to admit that you were wrong, that you made a mistake, or that you were sorry? Many people would have us believe that we are not responsible for our own actions. They see themselves as victims, not sinners. Blame-shifting is not a new idea. What are some biblical examples?
[Adam and Eve—Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the Serpent; Aaron—blamed the people for his making the golden calf; Pilate—blamed the will of the people]
What are some modern examples of blame-shifting? [tobacco lawsuits, handgun lawsuits, lady who sued McD’s for too-hot coffee, Goldman-Sachs officers refusing to take blame.]
The Problem of Blame-Shifting and Refusal of Personal Responsibility
Blame-shifting and complaints of victimization are exceedingly common today. One can hear an almost constant drone of “It’s not my fault” and “I am not responsible” by those caught in various indiscretions. People will do almost anything to avoid personal responsibility for their sins. They’ll blame anyone other than themselves—parents, the educational system, the government, the media, society, poverty, racism, etc. Even those who admit personal weaknesses do not blame themselves, but claim an “addiction,” or a “disease” is responsible. Individuals claim to be powerless to avoid crimes and sins; they can’t help themselves. Someone or something else is always to blame. People are no longer sinful, they’re “dysfunctional;” they’re no longer selfish idolaters, they’re victims of a “personality disorder.”[6] The cause of the problem is always outside of themselves. Science today is trying to find genetic causes of all manner of human failure—alcoholism, homosexuality, obesity, depression, etc. Every problem is a “syndrome” or a “disorder” over which one has no control. You’re not a sinner; you are sick. You are not responsible for your disease. The answer to such problems is medication, which frequently provide only the illusion of wellness and cover the cause of the symptoms.
Note Ezekiel 18:2. What mean ye, that ye use this proverb concerning the land of Israel, saying, The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge?
What does this saying mean? [The fathers have sinned, but the children are suffering. At this time, they were in captivity in Babylon, and they were angry because it was not their fault. They claimed to be innocent persons, and free from sin, and so charging God with injustice and cruelty. Cf. Jer 31.29-30.]
What Does The Bible Teach About Personal Responsibility?
□ Ezekiel 18:3-4 As I live, saith the Lord GOD, ye shall not have occasion any more to use this proverb in Israel. Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.
The point God is making here is that each person will be held accountable for his own sin. The person who sins will be judged.
Deut 24:16 The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, neither shall the children be put to death for the fathers: every man shall be put to death for his own sin.
□ Mark 7:20-23 And [Jesus] said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.
Humans do bad things because their heart is bad—“deceitful above all things and desperately wicked” (Jer 17:9). James tells us that the root of our sin is our own desires (James 1:13). External circumstances cannot cause us to sin. We behave badly because we have a sinful heart. We are sinners; thus, we sin.
Note: We cannot deny the organic/medical cause of some behavioral problems. However, we should not blame physical causes if none exists. Further, even if a physical or genetic association is found for certain behaviors, that would not excuse them (e.g., homosexuality, drunkenness). Everyone has a natural bent toward sin. That fact does not excuse anyone.
□ Romans 14:12 So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.
Each believer will stand before God at the Judgment Seat of Christ to give an account of himself (cf. also 2 Cor 5:10). Unbelievers will be judged at the Great White Throne Judgment. Both judgments will be based on one’s works. Believers will receive rewards for their service to God; unbelievers will be punished for their evil works.
Both of these judgments are individual. That is, you won’t be able to blame anyone else for your rewards or your punishment. Each individual stands alone before God.
□ 1 Cor 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
The Christian can overcome temptation; he is not a victim of insuperable pressure. Nothing outside of the individual can cause him to sin. If he sins, it’s because he has decided to do so. He is not a victim; he is an offender.
□ James 1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man.
No one can blame God for his own sin. Note God often uses the wickedness of man to accomplish His own purposes, but God neither tempts nor forces man to sin. Read Mt 26:24, Acts 2:23, and 4:27-28.
□ The Bible lists several causes of sin (this is not an exhaustive list):
← Lack of genuine salvation (1 Cor 2:14; 1 John 2:4)
← Lack of the indwelling Holy Spirit (Rom 8:9)
← Ignorance of the Bible or lack of understanding of it (Eph 5:15-17; Heb 5:12)
← Laziness, lack of discipline, lack of desire (1 Tim 4:7-8)
← Giving in to evil desires (James 1:13-15, 4:1-3)
← Friendship with the world (James 4:4; 1 John 2:15-17)
One must recognize that the cause of his problems may be (and often is) personal sin. He is guilty of violating God’s Law and thus incurs God’s displeasure and a host of other negative consequences. One cannot solve his problems until he acknowledges that the root cause of those problems is personal sin for which he is directly responsible.
The Significance of Accepting Personal Responsibility in Counseling
If one does not acknowledge his own sinfulness, it is unlikely he will understand why he is having problems, and he will not apply the correct solution to those problems. He will treat the symptoms but not address the root problem. If you don’t understand what the Bible says about sin, you won't understand yourself, other people, or your world.[7]
There is hope for overcoming sin. God has provided a solution—the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross is sufficient to cleanse believers from all sin. Those who deal with their sin biblically will find solutions to their soul-problems.
Dealing with Sin Biblically
It should be obvious that we can’t blame others for our own sins. What should a believer do when he sins?
1. Confess your sin to God. Admit it. Own up to it. 1 John 1:8-10
Note that the text implies that believers still sin. In fact, if someone thinks he is sinless, he is wrong.
The word “confess” means to admit, acknowledge, or agree with. When you confess your sin, you admit to God that you have sinned and acknowledge that you are guilty.
When one is guilty of sin, he will normally feel guilty or sorry for his sin. Don’t ignore this feeling. Your conscience is a very important voice telling you right from wrong. However, you need not wait until you feel guilty to confess your sin to God. You should ask God to forgive you as soon as possible after you sin.
2. Forsake your sin. Proverbs 28:13 He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.
To “forsake” something means to renounce it, leave it behind, or to turn your back on it. After confessing your sin, you must determine not to sin in that way again. This doesn’t guarantee that you won’t, but this should be your attitude.
3. Make amends for your sin (make restitution).
Your sin often affects others. Therefore, you must make things right with the person affected by your sin. Don’t pretend the sin never happened. Deal with it.
✓ Ask others to forgive you if necessary.
✓ Repair, replace, or repay for what you did.
4. Be sensitive about sin. Psalm 19:12, 139:23-24; Eph 5:11
A. Some people become callused or hardened to sin (read Eph 4:19; Heb 3:13). Their consciences are “seared” as with a hot iron (1 Tim 4:2). They are virtually insensitive to sin; it does not bother them. Such an attitude is an evidence of spiritual blindness and unbelief (John 12:40; Acts 19:9).
B. Sensitivity to sin, on the other hand, is a mark of vital spiritual life. Christians ought to be concerned about sin; it ought to bother them. Their conscience “bears witness” to the morality of their behavior (Rom 2:15; 13:5). A “good” or clear conscience (1 Tim 1:15) is one that quickly responds to sin and guilt. If you can sin without feeling guilty, your conscience may not be working properly.
C. Those who are sensitive to sin are concerned about sin in the lives of others as well. They don’t talk or joke about sinful behavior or enjoy it when others sin. The immoral conduct of others is shameful to them, not funny or interesting. Sin grieves God; it should grieve us, too.
A counselee must know that it’s wrong to blame others for his own sins and problems. The first step toward solving soul-problems is to admit one’s sin and to do what is necessary to deal properly with sin. Don’t allow the counselee to avoid personal responsibility for his attitudes and behaviors. Admitting one’s own personal liability for sin is the first step toward forgiveness and cleansing.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 5: Dealing with Temptation
The media keeps us informed about a long list of athletes, actors, politicians, and other well-known people who have given in to temptation. We hear about intelligent, talented, professional people commonly risking their careers and family lives for temporary pleasure. Circumstances present opportunities to them to gratify their passions and lusts, and they give in, often with tragic results. [e.g., Tiger Woods, Jesse James]
As we’ve already discussed, unconfessed sin is a primary source of personal problems. The people we are trying to counsel may be giving in to temptation regularly without putting up much of a fight. Counselors must understand the nature of temptation and help people see the biblical way of dealing with temptation.
What does the Bible says about temptation and how to deal with it?
I. Define temptation
A. Temptation is essentially a solicitation or enticement to sin.
James 1:13-14 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
B. The biblical word “tempt” (especially in the KJV) can refer to a trial or a testing of one’s faith. E.g., God tested Abraham’s faith when he told him to sacrifice Isaac. This was a test of faith, not a solicitation/enticement to do evil. God never tempts anyone to sin.
C. While every solicitation to sin is a test or trial of our faith, not every test/trial is an enticement to sin.
II. Facts about temptation
A. Temptation is universal. “Every man is tempted” (James 1:14). Temptation is “common to man” (1 Cor 10:13). We live with temptations every day. Even Jesus was tempted.
Temptation has been common in all cultures and times. Our own western culture is rather tame compared to some others (e.g., Greeks, Romans, Chinese). Things may be getting worse all the time, but it’s not as bad as it could be.
B. Temptation is not sin. Jesus was “tempted in all points as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15). Yielding is sin; being tempted is not.
C. Temptation may be satanic. Satan is called “the tempter” (cf. Mt 4:3; 1 Thes 3:5). He is the father of temptation; he originated the idea. However, one cannot excuse his sin by claiming, “The devil made me do it.”
D. Temptation is closely associated with human desire/lust. Temptation works by appealing to something inherent or organic within humanity.
Jas 1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
1. The passions of the flesh or our appetites, in and of themselves, are not wrong. They are God-given as part of humanity. E.g., we have a natural desire to eat and to sleep. But if we eat or sleep too much, it’s sin. We have a natural desire for companionship with the opposite sex. Marriage is God’s program to fulfill that desire. If we fulfill that desire outside of marriage, it’s sinful.
2. In our sinfulness, we tend to corrupt God’s plan or program for fulfilling our natural desires. Every natural appetite can be fulfilled in a sinful way.
3. The lust of the flesh is often stronger than human will power. Our appetites can become so intense that they almost override our minds’ capacity to control them. Once we start giving in to the flesh, our appetites have the capacity to overrule our common sense. The appetites take over and the rational mind seems to shut down. A strong desire can overpower the best intentions.
4. The results of giving in to desire can be catastrophic. Many of the problems people experience result from lack of self-discipline over their inner desires/lusts. Read Prov 7:5ff (esp. vss. 22-23).
E. Temptation usually follows a pattern.
James 1:14-15 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
1. The process of giving in to temptation often starts in very small ways. First, we make minor compromises and then move on to greater and greater sins. Flagrant sin usually begins with small compromises.
2. Quote: “Nearly every grave moral failure begins with a small sin. Because there comes a time, after we toy with sin, when one pull of the flesh causes us to cross the line, to disengage from reason, and to follow our appetites wherever they may lead.”[8]
E.g., King David—he merely caught a glimpse of a woman, and it led to multiple sins, adultery and murder among them.
3. It’s very easy to toy with sin these days. With all the different media outlets providing loads of ungodly materials, you have to be very careful to avoid exposure.
F. Overcoming temptation is difficult.
1. Some people are under the mistaken impression that godly Christians are no longer tempted or struggle with sin. Such thinking is false. Even mature, godly Christians still suffer temptation and struggle to overcome it. Read Roman 7:14-25.
2. Temptation and struggle are a normal part of the Christian life. This does not excuse our sin, but it admits that overcoming temptation is difficult for everyone. No one should expect to be exempt from this.
3. Because of the strength of human lust and because of the dangers of yielding to sin, Christians must work hard to overcome temptation.
III. Strategies to overcome temptation
We know that we will face temptations daily. We know that we struggle to control our natural human appetites. We know that flagrant sin often starts with small compromises. What else do we need to know to overcome temptation?
A. Recognize and admit your human frailties and weaknesses.
Mt 26:41 Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
1 Cor 10:12 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.
1. We may think that we are somehow beyond temptation. That’s not true. Given the right set of circumstances and pressures, we very well might give in/yield to temptation. We must be on guard and be careful.
2. E.g., David, the “sweet psalmist of Israel,” the great king. No one would have expected him to commit adultery and murder. But given the right set of circumstances, he sinned grievously.
B. Rely on God’s strength and the resources He provides. 1 Cor 10:13
1. “God is faithful”
a) The solution to the problem is God. God provides all the resources we need to overcome temptation.
b) We must admit that the solution is not within ourselves. It’s not merely a matter of will power or self-control. We must bring God into the equation. We must rely on His power to get us through temptations. We must constantly call out to God and rely on Him for help and strength.
2. God has promised not to allow temptations beyond our ability to withstand them. We can’t claim that we had no choice—“I was overwhelmed; I couldn’t control myself.” We are not victims of sin; we are perpetrators.
a) Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
b) Contrary to what some people tell us, we are not mere animals who must follow our instincts. With God’s help, we can control ourselves. Self-control is one of the fruit of the Spirit.
3. God will provide a way to escape or a way to bear with the temptation.
a) Escape is a good strategy for dealing with temptation. “Flee youthful lusts” (James 4:7).
b) Sometimes we can’t escape from temptations; we can’t flee from our circumstances. We must bear up under long-standing temptation. This is difficult but not impossible.
Gen 39:10 And it came to pass, as [Potiphar’s wife] spake to Joseph day by day, that he hearkened not unto her, to lie by her, or to be with her.
Jas 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
C. Pray.
Mt 26:41 Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
1. Prayer is an admission that you need help to overcome temptation and an appeal to God for strength.
2. It’s not impossible, but it’s hard to yield to temptation immediately after you’ve prayed and asked God to help you resist temptation.
D. Resist. James 4:7
1. Resist means, “To set one's self against, to withstand, to oppose.” It suggests active opposition, not merely holding steady.
2. Thus, in a temptation, we actively resist and oppose the devil. We pull back—oppose, not merely try to hold steady.
E. Consider the consequences of giving in to temptation.
1. You reap what you sow (Gal 6:7-8). Sin has consequences. A great aid to overcoming temptation is to think about and foresee the fallout from your sin. E.g., had David known the outcome of his sin, it’s unlikely he would have given in. Worst consequence: 2 Sam 12:14
Old saying: “Sin always keeps you longer than you want to stay, makes you go further than you intended to go, and makes you pay a price higher than you intended to pay.”
2. Unfortunately, the appeal of the fleshly passions is so strong that a person is often willing to risk virtually everything to fulfill that desire. If you give yourself over to fulfilling the desires of the flesh, you eventually lose self-control.
F. Fill your mind with the Word of God and with other good things.
Ps 119:9 Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.
Ps 119:11 Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.
Jesus provides a good example for us. When Satan tempted Jesus, how did he respond? “It is written…” (Mt 4:1f).
Phil 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
“Garbage in—garbage out” may be cliché, but is true in many ways. Anyone seriously attempting to overcome temptation must control his thought life. That means that one must control what comes into his mind and what one thinks about.
G. Replace the bad with the good. Eph 4:22-24
Replacement is an important strategy in overcoming temptation. Ending the old sinful behaviors must be combined with initiating new, godly patterns. One must both stop sinning and start doing right.
1. Put off the “old man” – the pre-conversion sinful behavior patterns.
2. Renew your mind through exposure to God’s Word.
3. Put on the “new man” – the post-conversion godly behavior patterns.
H. Satisfy your appetites in appropriate ways.
1. God has provided proper means of fulfilling our passions and desires. The Bible gives us full permission to satisfy those desires in appropriate ways. See Prov 5:15-18; 1 Cor 7:2, 9.
2. In some cases, one has to wait to satisfy his natural desires (e.g., marriage must precede intimacy). Many factors make it hard to wait.
3. Unfortunately, the human heart has almost infinite capacities for sin, so even if you are seeking to fulfill your desires legitimately, it does not shield you completely from temptations. But it certainly helps.
I. Undercut, weaken, and starve out sinful fleshly desires.
1. Those who continually feed the sinful desires of the flesh should not be surprised when they have no power to withstand temptation.
2. Media (i.e., TV, magazines, Internet, music, etc.) can be a powerful vehicle for temptation. Modern entertainment is filled with sensual, provocative images and ideas. Such content feeds the flesh.
3. Those who are serious about withstanding temptation must restrict or cut off all sources that feed the sinful nature.
J. Take practical steps to protect yourself.
1. Seek an accountability partner. Cf. Prov 13:20
2. Be careful with whom you spend time. Friends can be a significant source of temptation.
a) Prov 1:10 “If sinners entice thee…”
b) 1 Cor 15:33 Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
3. Install safeguards like Internet filters and/or cable TV controls. Disconnect the cable if necessary.
4. Keep yourself occupied. “Idol hands are the devil’s workshop.”
5. Stay away from things that excite your lustful passions. E.g., the magazine rack in the book store, the TV, the computer, the gym or pool, etc. Cf. Prov 4:23 “Keep thy heart with all diligence…”
6. Be sensitive about sin; don’t compromise or toy with it; don’t rationalize it or excuse it.
7. If you do fall into sin, respond appropriately: admit it, confess it, forsake it, make restitution if necessary, and put safeguards into place so you don’t give into temptation like that again.
K. In some cases, extreme measures may be necessary. See Mt 5:29-30
1. Some sins are very difficult to overcome, especially those that have been engrained in a person’s behavior patterns for many years, even generations. In cases where the normal methods of overcoming temptation do not work, more extreme measures may be required.
2. A person may have to restrict (“cut off”) everything that is associated with the sinful behavior. He may have to submit himself to external regulation and control until he is able to regain self-control.
We live in a world that is full of temptations. Yet we must seek to withstand temptation. We must remember that “God is faithful” and he will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. God has provided all the resources necessary for believers to deal with temptation and to live a godly life.
Personal problems often are directly traceable to sin, and sin is the result of giving in to temptation. Both counselors and counselees must understand the nature of temptation and the biblical means of withstanding it.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 6: Key Elements of the Counseling Process
Much of our counseling boils down to helping friends or family members by giving godly advice. This lesson will examine several basic elements of biblical counseling that are necessary whenever we give advice or counsel.
1. Gather Data
Prov 18:13 He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.
To be an effective counselor, you must understand the counselee and his problem. Understanding comes through questioning and discussion. In this phase of the counseling process, do not give advice; simply concentrate on getting all of the facts.
2. Ask Questions
□ Basic questions:
✓ “Is there a problem? What is your problem?”
One’s perception of the problem may or may not be accurate. People may disagree about whether there really is a problem (e.g., husband and wife have different opinions about a problem). As a counselor, your task is to find the source of the problem irrespective of what the counselee may think or say.
✓ “What have you and others done about it?”
Sometimes the counselee may have done things to compound the problem. Perhaps a psychiatrist/psychologist has shifted the blame for the problem to someone else or prescribed drugs that relieve the symptoms. Family members and friends may have become involved and given faulty advice. Perhaps the person has done nothing to solve the problem; all he has done is worry about it. The counselee may have a lot of “baggage” from previous counselors to sort through.
✓ “What do you want/expect me to do about it?”
Don’t assume that the counselee wants the kind of help that he needs. The individual may have enlisted your help for any number of reasons. He may not really want biblical advice. Maybe he merely wants to recruit you to his side of the fight. Maybe he wants you to affirm the legitimacy of his complaints. Perhaps his focus is on the surface problems and he has no desire to address the root issues.
The biblical counselor must insist that the only thing he has to offer the counselee is advice from the Word of God. The only realistic expectation is that the counselor will tell the counselee what God has said about solving problems. The goal for the counselee is Christ-likeness, spiritual growth, and obedience, not personal happiness or reduction of pain.
□ Start with “who-what-when-how” questions to establish the facts before moving to “why” questions. Use probing questions—“Tell me about…”
Counselors must avoid reacting to a situation without knowing the facts. Perhaps the problem is not as bad (or maybe it’s worse!) than one imagines. Facts throw light on the situation; once they are known, the solution may become obvious. The counselor must get all the pertinent facts before offering any advice.
□ Always remember that personal information is confidential. Only in limited cases should the counselor pass along such information to others.
1. Listen
□ Listen for blame-shifting. People often excuse themselves by pointing to others’ failures. The problem may center on the very area the counselee wants to shift the blame.
□ Listen for words like “can’t, unable, too much.” Such words reveal much about the counselee’s attitude. The counselee may deny the problem, try to blame someone else, or rationalize/justify it.
□ Listen for statements that call sin sickness or disease. The counselee may be trying to deflect blame from himself or portray himself as a victim who bears no personal responsibility for his sins.
□ Listen for the expression of feelings more than facts. Emotions can cloud rational judgment.
□ Note two kinds of communication:
✓ What the counselee says (verbal data)
✓ How the counselee says it (non-verbal or visual data—body language, facial expression, etc.). Certain behaviors give hints that the counselor is touching a sore spot. Signs of embarrassment, nervousness, tension, evasion of questions, misdirection, and the like can point to problem areas.
For example, a person may frown, smirk, glare, fidget, or act out in a certain way when a troubling topic is brought up. This information is not definitive, but it can suggest or imply problem areas that need to be explored.
2. Determine Patterns
A. As the counselee tells you of the situation, ask questions about his past in order to determine whether sinful or improper habits have been developed.
B. Patterns of sinful behavior may be associated with certain triggers, e.g., lack of sleep, stress, interruptions, fear, anger, grief, insults, rejection, etc. The counselee may not even recognize that he habitually responds inappropriately to such triggers.
C. Longstanding habits are often difficult to change. Do not allow the counselee to excuse himself by appealing to habitual patterns that he “can’t” change. Assure the counselee that all genuine Christians have the capacity and the resources to change.
3. Draw Conclusions Slowly
✓ A counselor must avoid jumping to conclusions or reaching them without exploring all the facts. Let the facts lead you to valid conclusions before offering any advice.
✓ Avoid basing conclusions on only one side of the story. People are rarely impartial or unbiased when describing the nature and perceived source of their own problems. People are often blind to how much they have contributed to their problems. Expect counselees to make false or exaggerated claims. Find out what other involved individuals have to say.
✓ Try not to become drawn in by the emotional pressure of the moment. Troubled people may use emotional appeals to gain the confidence and support of their friends. Compassionate counselors may find themselves influenced by the emotional states (e.g., anger, depression, tears) of the counselee. Try to see past the emotions and focus on facts. Try not to become personally invested in the problem. A counselor must maintain an unbiased viewpoint.
4. Pray.
Biblical counseling is a spiritual exercise and must be conducted with full reliance on God. Saturate all counseling with prayer.
5. Pray for yourself. Ask God to provide wisdom for you to understand the situation and to give good advice (James 1:5).
6. Pray for and with the counselee.
7. Provide Biblical and Practical Advice.
Once you think you understand the facts of the case and have bathed it in prayer, give advice. Such advice must be both biblical and practical. Don’t be afraid to be directive. Tell the counselee what to do.
Note: One of the cardinal rules in secular psychology is to avoid giving advice. A basic rule of secular psychology is that people have the means to solve their problems within themselves. To them, counselors are like a sounding board; they merely help the client work through his own problems. Obviously, biblical counseling rejects this theory of secular psychology. Biblical advice is the source of the solution and is a necessary element of the process.
How to Discover Biblical Principles:
1. Discover what the Bible says directly about the problem.
2. Discover the biblical causes of the problem.
3. Discover the consequences of the problem.
4. Discover examples of biblical characters who had the problem.
5. Discover the warnings given in Scripture regarding the problem.
6. Discover what the Bible says about overcoming the problem.
7. Discover the proper behavior pattern to “put on” to replace the problem.
8. Once you know the general biblical teaching about the problem, you can suggest practical ways to apply the principles to daily living.[9]
Related Principles of Counseling to Remember
□ The Bible is the source of your advice; thus, you must know God’s Word. The best counselors are those who have a good understanding of the Bible.
□ Always give hope. Their problems can be solved. God’s Word and other Christian resources provide the answers to the typical soul-problems that people experience (2 Tim 3:16-17; 2 Pet 1:3). Tell the counselee that God has a solution to their problem(s).
□ Try to discover the root problem(s). Do not simply address the symptoms of the problem. Many personal problems stem from the natural consequences of sinful behaviors and attitudes. Root problems often come from serious character flaws like selfishness/pride, greed, lust, materialism, vanity, dishonesty, and the like. Probe for the root.
□ Do not let the counselee control you. Do not allow someone who cannot control his own life control the counseling agenda. Do not allow the counselee to recruit you to his “side” of the issue. Maintain an attitude of objective independence. Emotional involvement can obscure your thinking.
□ In some cases, others may need to be brought into the discussion. A pastor, parent, or teacher may be able to aid in the problem-solving process. The counselor may need to contact an authority (parent, boss, supervisor, spouse). In all criminal matters, responsible authorities (e.g., police, social services) must be informed. Never promise that you’ll keep a matter a secret.
□ Some people simply will not respond positively to counsel. Those whom the Bible describes as fools and scoffers hate counsel and will not submit to it (Prov 1:7, 9:7-8).
□ Personal problems may have a physical/organic cause. Serious medical conditions, like brain tumors, injuries, genetic defects, glandular or chemical disorders and the like can cause multiple problems. Other physical causes may play a role in personal behavior—allergies, hormone imbalance, fatigue/lack of sleep, stress, poor nutrition, etc. However, avoid the modern tendency to excuse bad behavior on the basis of supposed “diseases” or “disorders” (e.g., calling alcoholism a disease; labeling binge eating or immorality as “psychological disorders”).
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 7: Psychobabble—The Errors and Myths of Pop Psychology[10]
Biblical counselors seek to address and solve many of the same problems secular psychologists do—personal problems, problems of the soul. Given the popularity and respect psychological theories enjoy in today’s culture, it is wise for us to consider what modern psychology teaches and why much of it is wrong.
Psychology is that branch of science that deals with problems of the mind. The word psychology is based on the Greek word psuche, “soul.” So psychology is the study of the soul, or the mind.[11] It is an attempt to define and explain the inner workings of the mind. Psychotherapy deals with the social, mental, and emotional aspects of an individual. Psychotherapists attempt to alleviate or cure emotional, mental, and even spiritual suffering and to establish new patterns of social behavior.
Within the last 150 years, many scholars have suggested theories that supposedly explain how the mind works and how to fix problems associated with the mind. Below are several of the most influential figures in psychology.
← Sigmund Freud (1856-1939): Freud is the father of psychoanalysis (lying on a couch and free-associating to reveal unconscious motivations). Freudian concepts and terms have so permeated our society that they are generally treated as facts about human nature. Freud was vehemently opposed to Christianity. He believed that religious doctrines are all illusions and that religion is “the universal obsessional neurosis of humanity.”
Freud is largely responsible for the collapse of personal responsibility in modern culture. By placing the responsibility for their behavior on their parents, environment, childhood trauma, the unconscious, or “primitive urges,” patients are permitted—even encouraged—to assume a victim mentality.[12]
← Carl Jung (1875-1961): Jung was Freud’s most influential disciple. Jung taught that human behavior is driven by things hidden in the unconscious mind. When a patient explores and understands the elements of his unconscious mind, healing and health result. We understand the unconscious mind through symbolism, mythology, and folklore. Jung believed the main task of life was to discover and fulfill one’s innate potential.
← B. F. Skinner (1904-90): Skinner taught that human behavior is explained in terms of physiological responses to external stimuli.[13] In other words, human life is little more that responses to things that happen. The brain is a set of computer-like circuits. Given the right training, one may condition individuals to respond in a desired way. Man is like a robot—he simply follows the program given to him. Human personhood has no real meaning.
← Abraham Maslow (1908-70): Maslow is famous for concocting his “hierarchy of needs.” Maslow held that if one has his basic needs met, such as food and shelter, he can then focus on other needs, like learning and showing compassion. At the top of the list is “self-actualizing,” that is, self-fulfillment, a state of confidence and contentment. One can self-actualize only when his needs for security and significance are met. Those who don’t have their lower needs met cannot be expected to behave in a socially acceptable way. One’s behavior is thus based on his environment. Maslow is largely responsible for the current emphasis on self-esteem.
← Carl Rogers (1902-87): Rogers taught that the counselor must not give advice to the client; he simply helps the client find the solution within himself. Every person has the resources within himself to solve his problems. This is the essence of liberal, humanistic thought. The worst thing one can do is criticize or judge. Rogers also developed the encounter group, in which the psychologist helps a group of people explore their feelings, values and beliefs.
Common Elements of Pop (short for “popular”) Psychology:
• Self-esteem: loving yourself, thinking highly of yourself—everyone should feel accepted, understood, and valued.
• Visualization/guided imagery: what you think is what will be, visualize what you want
• Positive Mental Attitude: thinking positive thoughts, avoiding the negative
• Unconditional acceptance: accepting any behavior no matter how sinful or destructive it may be for the individual
• Tolerance: every opinion is valuable, avoid judgment and criticism
• Catharsis: purging your emotions, letting your feelings out
• Other common psychological terms: inner child, left brain/right brain, emotional intelligence, free association, id, ego, super-ego, transference, defense mechanism, denial, neurosis
The biblical counselor should be aware that theories from the above psychologists and others are very common in modern culture. Prevailing opinion sees psychology as a legitimate scientific means of understanding and addressing human problems. However, Christians should remain skeptical of such theories, especially when they run contrary to biblical principles, which they often do.
Weaknesses of Modern Psychology
1. Modern Psychology Undermines Human Responsibility.
The desire to “pass the buck” seems to be a constant in human history. Psychologists have validated blame-shifting by giving it a scientific cover. One’s parents, his circumstances, his boss, his wife, or any number of external causes are to blame for his misbehavior. Psychology has persuaded people to avoid taking personal responsibility.
2. Modern Psychology is a Self-Contradictory Failure.
Freudian psychoanalysis is a total failure. Research has proven that many of those with “mental illness” are not helped in the least by psychoanalysis. Many who seek help from secular psychology end up spending years in therapy and spending thousands of dollars without making much improvement. Psychotherapy is a “pseudo-science riddled with contradiction and confusion.”[14] Many modern psychological practices are nothing more than New Age mysticism in “scientific” costume.
3. Modern Psychology is Hostile to Biblical Christianity.
• Psychology is a very deceptive and dangerous theory conceived in the mind of unredeemed man in his state of rebellion against God. Common to all psychological teaching is a biblically defective view of the nature of man. Secular psychology asserts that man is basically good and able to solve his problems (when properly “enlightened”).[15]
• Perhaps the greatest myth that psychology has foisted upon our culture is the necessity of high self-esteem. Psychologists tell us that one must think highly of himself in order to be a valuable member of society. Low self-esteem is the root of most psychological problems, they suggest. The Bible teaches that believers ought not to think too highly of themselves (Rom 12:3). The Bible emphasizes the need for humility, not self-esteem (Phil 2:3-8).
4. Modern Psychology Fails to Solve Problems.
• Low self-esteem is not the real cause of mental illness; Sin and guilt are. Unresolved sin, and the guilt that accompanies it, are the underlying causes of many so-called psychological problems.
• God has created the conscience of man to react to sin. Although the conscience may be seared to the point that nothing bothers it, most people have a conscience that bothers them when they do evil. Unresolved anger, hatred, bitterness, and jealousy may result in outbursts of violence. Pride and self-love make a person self-centered and arrogant. All forms of immorality cause personal problems and guilt. If one continues in sin without repentance, his troubled conscience may cause him any number of apparently psychological problems—insomnia, stress, lethargy, panic, moodiness, anger, etc. Modern psychology seeks to minimize, or rejects altogether, the reality of sin. Rather than repentance, psychologists suggest denying one’s guilt and/or shifting the blame for sin to someone else.
The Error of Integration
It should be obvious by now that trying to integrate secular psychological ideas with Christianity is bound to fail. Secular psychology and biblical Christianity are contradictory at many points. Yet integrating secular psychology with biblical principles is exactly what thousands of Christian counselors are attempting to do. The results are alarming—so-called “Christian” counselors advocate anti-Christian ideas like self-love, blame shifting, and calling sin a disease. One should not try to integrate contradictory ideas.
Other Myths to Avoid[16]
← Myth #1: Godly, mature Christians do not suffer from problems like depression, anxiety, or fear.
The truth is that many Christians suffer from various soul-problems. One who has problems should not necessarily doubt his salvation because of them. Also, even if one is struggling with such problems, it need not prevent him from accomplishment (e.g., C.H. Spurgeon).
← Myth #2: Self-esteem is a Christian virtue.
The truth is that “you can’t love others until/unless you love yourself” comes straight out of secular psychology, not from the Bible. The Bible does not support this idea.
← Myth #3: People accidentally “fall” into sin or may be coerced into sin by some other influence.
The truth is that sin is a conscious choice; no one “falls” into it accidentally. Sin is not merely a mistake or weakness; it’s rebellion against God.
← Myth #4: People are born with their conditions and cannot (or should not be asked to) change.
This may be true of certain physical conditions (e.g., Downs syndrome), but is not true of moral choices (e.g., homosexuality). One’s moral behavior is a choice. Further, many “conditions” are merely sinful habits, not genuine organic/physical problems. Calling a sinful behavior a “condition” does not excuse it.
← Myth #5: People cannot be held responsible for their feelings. Feelings simply exist and are part of normal life.
The truth is that feelings stem from attitudes, motives, and beliefs. If these are sinful, one’s feelings will be sinful. Affections and passions are within one’s personal control. The fact that one has certain feelings does not mean that one must act according to them.
← Myth #6: Men and women are essentially the same.
The truth is that men and women are significantly different, physically and mentally. The counselor must not accept the false notion of total gender equality.
Christians need not rely upon the hollow and deceptive claims of secular psychology to address human soul-problems. The Bible addresses such issues directly and in principle. Christian counselors must know and apply the Bible when helping troubled people overcome their problems. Maintain a consistently biblical point of view and refuse to accept ideas that contradict the Bible. Do not tolerate false ideas or assumptions in your counseling.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 8: Rules of Communication
Many personal problems stem from faulty communication patterns. Even professing believers often failure to communicate with one another according to the biblical guidelines. Christian counselor Jay Adams states that “communication may be the first problem with which the counselor must grapple … because it has become the major impediment to solving other problems. Until communication is restored, other problems cannot be cleared up, since communication is one essential tool that God uses to repair poor relations.”[17]
In Ephesians 4:22-24, Paul talks about how to grow and change by replacing old self thoughts and actions with biblical thoughts and habits. He illustrates this principle in verses 25-32 by discussing godly communication. In so doing, Paul provides us with several rules to guide Christian communication.
Eph 4:25-32 Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Based on this passage, note five rules of communication.
1. Be Honest in Your Communication (Eph 4:25).
□ Note that Paul states the command both positively and negatively: stop lying, speak the truth. The reason? “We are members of one another.” Christians are united in Christ. Deceitful speech within the body of Christ is irrational and counterproductive.
□ Honest communication involves more than just the absence of lying. Truth-speaking means that one communicates the actual state of affairs, the reality of the situation. What one says corresponds to reality when he’s being honest.
□ Paul’s admonition to “speak the truth” implies that discussion is a necessary aspect of healthy relationships. Lack of communication or the failure to communicate is responsible for many interpersonal problems.
□ Lying, on the other hand, involves any kind of dishonest or misleading statements or any attempt to misrepresent or misstate the truth. Anything that disguises the truth is deceitful. All such deceit is to be “put away,” that is, cast aside and forsaken as part of the sinful pre-Christian lifestyle.
□ In Eph 4:15, Paul mentions the importance of “speaking the truth in love.” Because the truth sometimes hurts, we must seek to speak truth in a loving manner. That means tempering true statements with liberal doses of compassion and sympathy. We can be honest without being brutal or vulgar.
□ Further, the fact that we know something to be true does not mean that we have to state the truth verbally. We do not have to tell all we know, especially if the truth would be embarrassing or offensive. Love compels us to “cover” or overlook some facts, even if they are true (Prov 10:12; 1 Pet 4:8). Everyone appreciates polite, tactful, and considerate speech. Wisdom and prudence often dictate that we keep our mouths shut (see Prov 17:27-28). There is much wisdom in the old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
□ In certain cases, the use of untruths and even deceit may be allowable (e.g., warfare, games, jokes, fiction, etc.). Sometimes people do not expect or do not have the right to hear the truth. But beyond these limited situations, believers must be committed to honest, truthful, yet loving, communication.
□ Habitual lying is a serious character defect. If a counselee is consistently dishonest, there is little hope for overcoming this or other problems. One must agree at the outset of the counseling process that he’s going to be honest and forthcoming in his communication.
2. Don’t Allow Anger to Hinder Communication (Eph 4:26-27).
□ Note that Paul does not say, “Do not become angry.” He virtually assumes that anger will flare up occasionally. We may not be able to avoid anger, but we can handle it properly.
□ Don’t allow your anger to be expressed sinfully.
✓ Anger is sinful if it generates an attack on other people (Prov 25:28) or self (stewing about the problem).
✓ Anger that is handled unbiblically and allowed to build “gives place” to Satan. That is, it becomes a means of temptation or a source of sin. Many other sins can result from anger if one does not control it.
✓ Anger provides energy and motivation that can be used to solve problems. We must channel anger’s energy in positive, constructive ways.
□ Don’t clam up.
✓ Don’t cut off communication by:
▪ crying
▪ leaving the room
▪ changing the subject
▪ threatening an explosion
▪ angrily leaving the decision to another person
▪ ending the conversation with an arrogant ultimatum: “All I have to say is . . . .”
✓ Don’t put off dealing with the problem.
Address problems as soon as possible. One of the causes of depression is the buildup of problems. We become overwhelmed with a multitude of unresolved conflicts and pressures, and see no way out, thus causing depression.
Note: A future lesson will explore the topic of anger more fully.
3. Use Appropriate Language in Communication (Eph 4:29-30).
□ Avoid “corrupt” (i.e., unwholesome) words.
← Words that attack a person’s character (this includes name-calling) (Matt 5:21-22)
← Words that tear down, rip apart, or hinder growth (Prov 18:21; James 3:5-12). Watch sarcasm!
← Words that are vulgar, off-color, or offensive
← All corrupt communication grieves the Holy Spirit (Eph 4:30, 5:18)
□ Use edifying communication that ministers to and builds up the hearer (Eph 4:15, 29).
← We must speak the truth in love in order to produce growth (Eph 4:15).
← We must speak words which will be solution-oriented. We must address the problem at hand and strive to deal with it biblically.
4. Avoid Sinful Reactions in Communication (Eph 4:31-32).
← Bitterness: hurt that one holds; resentment over past experiences
← Wrath: flaring outbursts of anger; rage
← Anger: settled indignation or hostility that frequently seeks revenge; the “slow burn”
← Clamor: harsh contention and strife, public quarreling, brawling
← Slander (“evil speaking” KJV): speech that injures, abusive speech
← Malice: desire to harm others or see them suffer
Note: The natural tendency of our sinful nature is to be defensive when dealing with our own sins (Eph 4:31; Gen 3:8-13). We often try to justify or excuse our own behavior even when we know it is sinful. Making excuses for sin merely expands our problems and postpones solutions. Don’t allow the counselee to excuse sinful behavior or attitudes.
5. Pursue Godly Attitudes and Actions (4:32). Paul’s list of godly attitudes and actions includes:
← Kindness: benevolent, helpful, courteous actions; do no harm
← Tenderheartedness: compassion, sympathy; literally, “of good tenderness”
← Forgiving: to give up the right or claim on revenge, a grudge, or vengeance; to act toward a person as if he had not hurt you. Note the motivation for forgiving others: “even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
The counselor must insist that the counselee has the capacity to respond biblically to life situations no matter how irresponsibly others may be living. One cannot be held responsible for another person’s actions, words, and attitudes, but one is in control of how he responds to others’ actions, words, and attitudes. God commands and expects Christians to respond to other people with kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness, no matter what other factors may pertain. Failure to do so is sin.
Applying these rules of communication consistently will solve many interpersonal problems. Those who have committed themselves to communicating according to these rules will find that they can work through nearly any problem confronting them. If a counselee is not willing to conform his communications to biblical expectations, it is unlikely much progress can be made on other problems.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 9: Overcoming Worry/Anxiety
With the previous eight lessons as a foundation, we are now ready to consider some of the typical soul-problems that trouble people. With the Bible as our guide, we are able to “admonish (counsel) one another” (Rom 15:14).We’ll start by looking at one of the most common problems troubling people: worry or anxiety (which we are treating as synonymous concepts).
The Definition of Worry
1. What Worry is Not
□ Worry is not proper care and concern that causes you to attend to needs in a responsible way (read 2 Cor 11:27-28; Phil 2:19-20).
□ Worry is not necessary planning and organizing. Thinking about and planning for potential disasters is not worry; it’s good stewardship. Saving money for emergencies, taking out insurance, and having fire drills are not signs of worry but of common sense. Worry occurs when we obsess over things beyond our control; it’s not merely preparing for conditions within our control.
2. What Worry is
□ Worry is over-anxious concern about the future and things; thinking about and trying to solve seemingly unsolvable problems.[18]
□ The word worry comes from the Old English term wyrgan, which means “to choke” or “strangle.” That’s appropriate since worry strangles the mind, which is the seat of our emotions.[19]
□ Proper concern has become worry when:
✓ Thoughts are constantly focused on what could happen in the future.
✓ Thoughts are unproductive.
✓ Thoughts regarding a situation control you instead of you controlling them.
✓ The situation causes you to neglect other responsibilities and relationships.
✓ Thoughts about the situation bring about damage to your body.
✓ You lose hope instead of finding answers.
✓ You stop functioning.
Why Worry Is Wrong - Matt 6:21-34
1. Worry is Unproductive.
← It accomplishes nothing (Matt 6:27).
← It steals your time (Matt 6:34).
← It controls your mind, rendering your thoughts unproductive.
← It wastes energy.
← It damages your body. Your heart rate increases. Your muscles tense up. Your sleep is not restful. Prolonged worry/anxiety can cause panic attacks, depression, even suicide.
← The worrier often stops functioning in many areas of life.
← Worry often leads to lack of effort (Matt 25:14-30).
Note the Quote: We allow our daily concerns to turn into worry and therefore sin when our thoughts become focused on changing the future instead of doing our best to handle our present circumstances. Such thoughts are unproductive. They end up controlling us—though it should be the other way around—and cause us to neglect other responsibilities and relationships. That brings on legitimate feelings of guilt. If we don’t deal with those feelings in a productive manner by getting back on track with our duties in life, we’ll lose hope instead of finding answers. Anxiety, left unresolved, can debilitate one’s mind and body—and even lead to panic attacks.[20]
2. Worry is Unbecoming.
← It violates the Scriptural commands not to worry (Matt 6:24-27; Phil 4:6).
← It mimics the unbeliever (Matt 6:32).
← It focuses on what one does not have (Matt 6:31).
← It focuses on earthly values, not eternal (Matt 6:25).
← It focuses on one’s self instead of on God.
← It follows the pattern of idolatry (Matt 6:24).
3. Worry is Unnecessary.
← God is able and trustworthy (Matt 6:28-30).
← God is fully aware of all your circumstances (Matt 6:26; 10:28-30; Luke 12:6-7).
← Worry is thus unbelief. Those who have a strong trust in God and His sovereignty worry little; those with weak faith tend to worry more.
“You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.”[21]
How To Overcome Worry
1. Wrong Ways
← Denying the problems
← Wishing the problems would go away
← Distracting yourself from the problem (work, hobbies, vacations, entertainment, drugs)
← Complaining about the problem
2. Positive Ways - Philippians 4:6-9
1. Proper praying (Matt 6:6-7).
✓ Recognize and confess worry as sin.
✓ Express your concerns to God in prayer and ask for help in trusting Him through them.
✓ Cast your anxieties on Him (1 Pet 5:7).
2. Proper thinking (Matt 6:8).
✓ Don’t deny or ignore your problems. You may have good reasons for concern. Ignoring problems will not make them go away. Determining not to worry does not amount to pretending you don’t have problems.
✓ Recognize the potential value of trials and problems (Rom 5:3-5; 2 Cor 1:3-4; James 1:2-4).
✓ Remind yourself of God’s sovereign control of all things, of His love for you, and of the fact that He provides all you need for life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3-4).
✓ Think on good and godly topics (Phil 4:6). Fill your mind with positive thoughts.
✓ Focus on practical, workable solutions to your problems. Use logical, wise, and biblical planning to solve your problems (James 4:13-16). Enlist others to help.
✓ Remind yourself that things you worry about often do not end up happening. Even if they do happen, the result may not be as bad as you think.
✓ Stop wasting energy thinking about things you cannot change and events that may not even happen.
✓ Trust God to work everything out for His glory and for our ultimate good (Ps 56:3; Prov 3:5-6; Rom 8:28).
3. Proper actions (Matt 6:9).
✓ List all your worrisome problems and come up with action steps necessary to solve them. Try to accomplish at least some of the actions each day. Working toward one’s goals has a remarkable way of reducing worry and providing hope.
✓ Research the problem and possible solutions. Read books and articles, find testimonials of others who have overcome this problem, talk to experts, etc.
✓ Stop the flow of worrisome information (e.g., news programs, talk shows, etc.). Worriers commonly immerse themselves in negative, distressing information. This, in turn, creates more worry. End the downward spiral by cutting off the source.
Panic attacks—dealing with extreme, debilitating worry/anxiety/fear
• Definition: sudden, intense worry or fear; a feeling that the world is disintegrating around you; an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and loss of control; feeling like one is in a life-threatening situation. Symptoms can include trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, hot or cold flashes, sweating, nausea, dizziness, and hyperventilation. Such feelings often reinforce one’s sense of panic, making things even worse.
• Response: What can a counselor do to help someone experiencing a panic attack?
✓ Pray—stop and ask God for help. Encourage the counselee to cast his anxiety upon the Lord (1 Pet 5:7).
✓ Reassure—provide comfort and help to overcome the stress of the moment. Sympathetic, compassionate care can help ease the panic.
✓ Remind the counselee that God will not give him more than he can bear (1 Cor 10:13) and that Christians need not—and should not—worry (Matt 6:21-24; Phil 4:6-9).
✓ Redirect his thoughts to God’s promises (e.g., Ps 18:1-3, Ps 23; Ps 94:18-19; 1 Cor 15:57; 2 Cor 3:5; Phil 4:13; 2 Tim 1:7; Heb 13:6; Rev 1:17).
✓ Promote realistic thinking—panic often results from exaggerated fears and unrealistic worries. One’s feelings of anxiety may have no logical basis. If there is no genuine reason for panic (i.e., no real threat to life or health, little likelihood that disaster will occur), the counselor must strongly insist that the counselee come to his senses and stop misbehaving.
✓ In some cases, the counselor may have to confront the counselee about his sinful behavior. Panic attacks may be the result of a selfish desire to manipulate others, to engender sympathy, or to gain attention (similar to an infant’s temper tantrum). In any case, irrational panic stems from a failure to trust God, to obey his commands (not to worry), and to rely upon His promises. Anyone professing salvation in Christ should recognize that irrational panic is sinful.
✓ Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 10: Overcoming Anger
One soul-problem with which many people struggle is outbursts of anger (temper). What does the Bible say about anger?
1. Definition:
← The NT uses two words for anger. One implies a sudden violent outburst and the other implies a slow-burning boil.
← The dictionary defines anger as “a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence.”
← Synonyms include resentment, indignation, rage, and fury.
← Anger often expresses itself. How we respond to anger is the issue.
2. Anger itself is not necessarily sinful. Like any emotion, anger can become destructive if we do not express it biblically. How do we know that anger need not be sinful?
□ God gets angry. Many of the descriptions of anger in the OT describe God’s anger. Ex 22:24; Ps 7:11. We might think of God’s anger as righteous indignation, i.e., anger against sin, evil, immorality, injustice, blasphemy, etc. This is justifiable anger.
□ Jesus got angry. Mt 21:12; Mk 3:5; Jn 2:13-17
□ Believers may get angry. Eph 4:26
□ James tells his readers to be “slow to anger” (James 1:19).
□ The energy of anger can be beneficial. 1 Sam 11:6-7, 17:26f
Someone defined anger as “the God-given emotion that produces energy intended to help me solve problems biblically.”
3. Anger may become sinful. This happens in several ways:
Like other God-given emotions, anger can become sinful very easily. One can easily become angry for the wrong reasons or express anger sinfully.
Wrath [KJV; “outbursts of anger” NASB] is listed as sins of the flesh (Gal 5:19-20).
Anger is sinful when one vents it – “blowing up,” rage, tantrum. The energies of anger are vented on others. Like a volcano, angry people tend to erupt or explode, and those living near the angry person suffer the damaging effects of explosive temper.[22]
Anger is sinful when one keeps it – “clamming up,” holding on to the emotion, allowing it to linger, not dealing with it correctly. Anger kept inside leads to bitterness, hatred and resentment. This kind of response to anger primarily hurts oneself.
Anger is sinful when it is self-centered, most concerned with one’s own displeasure. Pride and self-pity often drive anger.
4. Failure to control anger often brings disastrous results.
Note Eph 4:27 “Neither give place to the devil.”
“place” = foothold. An invading army would set up a base of operations in enemy territory and advance from there to further conquest. Anger is a like a foothold that Satan can use to create other problems. Below is a list of some of the common results of sinful anger. If these are present, it signifies that one is responding to anger sinfully.
← Hatred and Murder; destroyed relationships Gen 4:5-8; 2 Sam 13:22f
← Bad attitude (same texts)
← Assault Num 22:27
← Pouting 1 Kings 21:4
← Stupidity Prov 14:17; Ecc 7:9
← Desire to “get even” Prov 6:34
← Acting foolishly Prov 14:17
← Distorting facts Prov 14:29
← Stir anger & strife in others Prov 15:1, 18
← Hostility Prov 16:14
← Uncontrolled spirit Prov 16:32
← Poor company Prov 22:24-25
← Susceptibility to other problems—emotional stress can cause disease, heart attack, stroke, ulcers, etc. Prov 25:28
“Anger hurts more the one in whom it is stored than the one on whom it is poured.”[23]
5. Recognize the root issues of anger/temper.
← Temper trouble is a sign of failure to control one’s spirit. Prov 16:32
← Temper trouble reveals a more basic heart problem:
1. The “bump/spill” principle—when someone is put under pressure (i.e., “bumped”), what “spills” out is what was already inside. “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Mt 12:34). This is similar to the teabag analogy—what is inside the teabag comes out when immersed in “hot water.”
2. Heart issues that are frequently behind temper trouble: insecurity, hurt, frustration, pressure, bitterness.
← Temper trouble is a spiritual issue. Gal 5:19-25
1. Taming your temper must be a partnership with the Holy Spirit –“The fruit of the Spirit is … temperance (self-control)”
2. Taming your temper must be purposeful work – “Walk in the Spirit”
What to do about anger:
← Deal with it correctly. Anger can be brought under control. Most people can control it when they have to (e.g., at work, visiting friends).
✓ Recognize uncontrolled anger as sinful and confess it as sin.
✓ Recognize the emotion and the potential for damage.
✓ Commit yourself to a biblical response:
← In your anger do not sin (Eph 4:26). Seek to follow the example of people like Joseph, Daniel, and Jesus.
← Hold your anger back. Acknowledge that you can control your responses. Be “slow to wrath” (James 1:19). Slow down when you feel the emotion of anger begin to build. Don’t let the emotion set the agenda. Don’t take immediate action. Allow your brain to catch up with your emotions. Cf. Prov 16:32.
← Replace fear with trust (Ps 56:3).
✓ Try to discern the cause of your anger. It is legitimate? If not, simply refuse to be angry. Let go of it. Don’t worry about it.
✓ Do not let it simmer. This leads to bitterness and hatred. Do not let it explode. This hurts others and yourself. Blowing up or clamming up do not solve problems. Such responses only create more problems.
✓ Do not yield to the desire to get even. When others make us angry, the natural desire is to hurt them back, make them suffer as they have made us suffer. Jesus urges us to “turn the other cheek” (Mt 5:39). Allow God to exact vengeance (Rom 12:19).
✓ Try to return good when others do evil to you (Rom 12:17-21).
✓ At times it is best to conceal your anger. It’s often best not to reveal that you are angry. You don’t have to let others know how angry you are.
✓ Take constructive action and do it quickly—don’t allow the sun to go down on your wrath.
✓ Try to see God’s purpose in the trial or circumstance. Trials may have positive results (Rom 5:3-5).
← Re-direct it. Channel the power of the emotion into a solution of the problem.
✓ Be solution-oriented. Can you solve the problem? Maybe there is nothing you can do. If you have no power to solve the problem, it does no good to be angry.
✓ Direct the energy into solving the problem. Anger is a powerful emotion. Perhaps you can come up with a solution that would please all parties involved.
✓ Focus on the problem, not on people. Don’t lash out at others just because you didn’t get your way.
✓ Seek to overcome evil with good. Allow God to judge the situation. Don’t try to pay back the one who caused the problem. Rom 12:17-21
Anger is a natural response to negative events. Becoming angry is not the problem; how one responds to anger is the issue. Instead of blowing up or clamming up, we must respond to anger appropriately. Under the influence of the Holy Spirit, every Christian has the capacity to “sin not” in his anger.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 11: Overcoming Depression
Introduction
□ Depression is considered the #1 mental health disorder today, affecting almost 19 million American adults (about 7% of the population) in a given year.[24]
□ Depression is the #2 reason people need counseling (#1 reason is marital problems).
□ Generally, there is a 10% risk for men to become depressed but a 20% risk for women.
□ Secular psychology uses the media to convince society that
1) Clinical depression is a medical illness (Major Depressive Disorder, MDD) that requires professional care. See a doctor or psychologist to treat this condition.
2) Effective treatments are available (usually antidepressant drugs [e.g., Lexapro, Zoloft, Prozac, Cymbalta, Pristiq, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Xanax, Abilify]).
□ We do not deny that legitimate physical problems can cause a state of depression. These problems should obviously be treated medically. However, often depression is not a physical/medical “disorder.” Depression may be a soul-problem, not a medical one. In these cases, medical solutions (i.e., drugs) not only do not provide lasting help; they actually prevent the individual from properly dealing with his problem, thus prolonging the depression.
Definition of Depression
□ Depression is that debilitating (weakening) mood, feeling, or air of hopelessness; feelings of intense sadness or worthlessness. Depression may last for days, weeks, or longer. Depression often keeps people from functioning normally; it may become a person’s excuse for failing to negotiate life issues and problems.
□ Depression is not mere disappointment or discouragement. Sadness is a normal response to loss or struggle. When someone is discouraged, he still handles life and attempts to work through problems. Depression is more intense or extreme than disappointment, discouragement, or sorrow.
The Dynamics of Depression
□ Depression may be the results of a failure of self-control and self-discipline.
□ Depression results from a downward spiral of irresponsibility and disobedience. It may begin with an act of sin. Or it could start with a simple act of irresponsibility which sets one behind schedule. God has constructed us such that when we fail to handle responsibilities properly, our consciences trigger negative feelings. These feelings, if not heeded early, ultimately lead to depression. For the believer, there is the added burden of the Holy Spirit’s conviction. David looked at depression as a merciful warning sign from God, intended to spur him to repentance and obedience. David states in Psalm 32:4-5, “For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. . . .”
□ Depression comes when we fail to handle feelings God’s way, leading to problems in our behavior. Problems need not produce depression. Sinful responses may lead to depression.
□ When one does not fulfill his responsibilities, a number of things occur. First, the conscience and/or the Holy Spirit convicts of sin. Second, the pressures related to the irresponsible act(s) build up (the assignment is due, the boss checks up on you, the house remains a wreck, etc.). Third, the act(s) of irresponsibility cause others to lose confidence in you, and you lose confidence in yourself. Fourth, because you are behind in this one area, you fall behind in other areas, which compounds the pressure. All of these factors blended together bring one to the point of despair and depression.
□ Proper behavior often prevents depression. Doing the right thing results in right feelings.
Helping the Depressed
□ Gain all necessary information. Make sure you know all the facts before suggesting any advice.
✓ Is the counselee saved? Settle this issue first. An unsaved counselee needs salvation most of all. Conversion may lift one’s depression. A saved counselee needs to submit to biblical principles.
✓ Get to know the symptoms of depression—moody, hopeless, impatient, fatigued, often ill, loss of appetite (or overeating), disinterest in life, inactivity, impaired concentration, insomnia/excessive sleeping, restlessness, etc. When such symptoms last for two weeks or more, and there is no other significant cause (e.g., death of a loved one, loss of job, significant disappointment), depression is the diagnosis.
✓ Understand that what the individual thinks is the cause is probably the effect. Don’t mistake a symptom for the root cause.
✓ Find the triggers that set off depression, i.e., thoughts and/or actions (or inactions) that produced the feelings. Certain pressures or failures may contribute.
□ Explain the dynamics of depression and how they lead into a downward spiral.
✓ Study the lives of Cain (Genesis 4), Saul (1 Samuel 13), Elijah (1 Kings 19), and Jonah (Jonah 4), including God’s response to them.
✓ Give hope. (They may live on yours for a while.) See 1 Cor 10:13 and 2 Pet 1:3.
□ Urge them to replace sinful habits with biblical habits.
✓ Thinking
▪ Replace “I can’t” with “You haven’t learned how yet.”
▪ Replace “I’m no good” with “You are clothed in Christ’s righteousness.”
▪ Replace “I’m alone” with “Jesus said, ‘I am with you always.’”
✓ Actions
▪ Get the depressed person active physically and spiritually. Studies have shown that physical exercise can combat depression. Spiritual exercise (e.g., Bible reading, prayer, church attendance, fellowship, etc.) is also necessary.
▪ Have him work on solving problems in spite of depressed feelings. He must fulfill his responsibilities irrespective of how he feels. Insist that the counselee works toward completing achievable goals.
□ Show them how to reverse the downward spiral.
✓ Practice right thinking.
← I can do all things through Christ.
← God has given me everything I need for life and godliness.
← I am crucified with Christ and I live by faith in Christ and not in myself.
← God will not allow more temptation than I can bear.
← I must fill my mind with good, true, pure, virtuous thoughts and refuse to indulge in negative, immoral thoughts.
← I must repent of evil, impure, or untrue thoughts and actions.
← I must work and not be lazy.
← I cannot blame others for my own sins and failures.
← God is my refuge and strength. His word is my authority. I trust His counsel.
← God is merciful, gracious, and patient. If I fail, I’ll get up and try again.
✓ Confess sinful attitudes and actions. Be specific.
✓ Do what is right and necessary in spite of your feelings. Don’t use depression as an excuse for laziness, lack of effort, or disinterest. Focus on meeting others’ needs.
✓ Get others (e.g., spouse, family members) to encourage you and to watch for excuses for doing nothing. Encourage others to intervene.
✓ If you get behind, allow yourself no privileges until you get caught up. Establish accountability.
✓ Studiously avoid all day-dreaming, TV watching, and “pity parties.”
✓ Find the cause of your sorrow and change accordingly. Define the problem. What normally triggers the depression? What does the Bible say to do?
Summary
Remember, depression is often caused by our own irresponsibility. It is a God-given motivation to obedience. Treating the symptoms will not solve the underlying problem. We must address the sin problem(s) that is/are causing the depression spiral. Only as one becomes responsible and deals with life’s situations properly will the depression subside.
What about manic-depression (aka “bipolar disorder”)?
Manic-depression refers to radical mood swings of mania (elation, irrationalism; often displayed in bizarre, “over-the-top” behavior) followed by depression (back to reality). The individual swings to emotional extremes, high one minute, low the next. The manic end of the bipolar disorder continuum combines varying degrees of the following thoughts, behaviors, and emotions:
• elated mood
• extreme unwarranted irritation or anger
• decreased need for sleep
• unrealistically high self-estimation
• talkativeness
• racing and impractical thoughts
• impulsivity; exaggerated desires
• reckless, bizarre, and even immoral behavior[25]
The elation phase may be merely an attempt to camouflage other problems (and thus not deal with them) or to overcome negative feelings or fears. Seeking feelings of elation may be an attempt to “shake off” depression. One tries to induce happy feelings artificially, but “crashes” upon realizing that nothing has really changed. Euphoria can be “pumped up” only so long.[26]
The Christian counselor must approach one struggling in this way in the same way as he would a depressed person. Do not release the counselee from personal responsibility. The mania experience doesn’t erase personal moral responsibility, but it does alert you to look for other possible contributing influences.[27] Bring the counselee to repentance by exposing the fact that the mania/elation is little more than irrational and unscriptural behavior in the face of a serious dilemma. One must not excuse bizarre behavior practiced during the “mania” phase. If the elation is contrived, the counselor must help the individual see this fact and bring him back to reality. Then he can deal with the causes of the depression.
Strong emotional responses to life events and even significant mood swings do not necessarily signal that one is a manic-depressive. Moodiness is not an abnormal psychological condition. Avoid the casual use of this label.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 12: Dealing with Stress/Tension
Most people experience stress on a regular basis. Normal life events create stress—deadlines, family gatherings, job interviews, marriages, deaths, travel, appointments, debt, etc. The levels of stress associated with such events do not usually cause ongoing problems. However, any such event, or a combination of events, can become highly stressful on occasion. Acute stress (temporary but severe) or chronic stress (low-level but long-term) can be very damaging and even debilitating. What advice can we give to those under stress/tension?
Definitions
□ Stress is pressure, force, strain, or influence.
□ Stress is what you feel when you have to handle more than you are used to. When you are stressed, your body responds as though you are in danger. It makes hormones that speed up your heart, make you breathe faster, and give you a burst of energy.[28]
□ Stress is a human condition of tension and upheaval brought about by one’s reaction to an internal or an external situation. This can be a positive or negative force.
□ Studies have found that the following are the most stressful situations of life: death of a spouse or loved one, divorce or separation, jail term, personal injury or illness, marriage problems, problems at work, pregnancy, financial problems.
What Are Some Typical Symptoms of Stress?
□ A fast heartbeat
□ A headache
□ A stiff neck and/or tight shoulders
□ Back pain
□ Fast breathing
□ Sweating, and sweaty palms
□ An upset stomach, nausea, etc.
□ A stressed-out person may feel cranky, frustrated, jumpy, irritable, and/or worried.
The Origin of Stress
1. Situations over which you have little or no control
□ Unpleasant situations or circumstances
□ Expectations placed upon you
□ The uncertainties of life
□ The standards you set for yourself
□ Your personal lifestyle
□ Your own failures
2. Your attitude toward any of the above. Fremont defines stress as “sinful negative doubt thoughts about life’s circumstances.”
3. Unaccomplished goals and plans
4. Procrastination and/or over-scheduling
Dangers of Stress
Some stress is normal and even useful. Stress can help if you need to work hard or react quickly. For example, it can help you win a race or finish an important job on time.
But if stress happens too often or lasts too long, it can have harmful effects. It can be linked to headaches, an upset stomach, back pain, and trouble sleeping. It can weaken your immune system, making it harder to fight off disease. If you already have a health problem, stress may make it worse. It can make you moody, tense, or depressed. Your relationships may suffer, and you may not do well at work or school.[29]
Over time, stress can negatively affect your
← Immune system. Constant stress can make you more likely to get sick more often or make your symptoms worse.
← Heart. Stress is linked to high blood pressure, abnormal heartbeat (arrhythmia), blood clots, and hardening of the arteries (atherosclerosis). It's also linked to coronary artery disease, heart attack, and heart failure.
← Muscles. Constant tension from stress can lead to neck, shoulder, and low back pain. Stress may make rheumatoid arthritis worse.
← Stomach. If you have stomach and/or bowel problems, stress can make your symptoms worse.
← Reproductive organs. Stress is linked to reproductive problems in both men and women.
← Lungs. Stress can make symptoms of asthma and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) worse.
← Skin. Skin problems such as acne and psoriasis are made worse by stress.
How to Respond to and Manage Stress
Contemporary Methods (common sense ideas to manage stress)
□ Attempt to avoid stressful situations.
□ Find ways to reduce stress. Learn healthy ways to relieve stress or reduce its harmful effects.
□ When you cannot avoid the stress, learn to relax (count to ten, meditate, laugh, etc.).
□ Learn how to manage your schedule better; be better organized.
□ Communicate how you feel. Ask for help from family and friends. Keep a journal.
□ Relax. Do something you enjoy. Take some time off.
The Biblical Method
□ Recognize that everyone has problems and challenges to face; it’s part of human life. Prov 24:10; 1 Pet 4:12-13
□ Recognize God’s providence over the details of your life. Gen 50:20; Prov 21:11; 1 Cor 10:13
□ Understand God’s purposes for the circumstances He allows in your life. Rom 8:29; Heb 12:11; Phil 2:15-16
□ Pray. Ask God for wisdom to deal with the stressful situation. Thank God for the pressures and ask for help enduring them. Phil 1:12; James 1:5
□ Do something to solve the problem or address the situation.
Other Practical Tips to Handle Stress:[30]
□ Physical: Get enough daily rest and exercise; eat a healthy diet; keep your weight under control. Being unhealthy or out of balance in these areas makes it more difficult to manage stress. Stimulants like caffeine and sugar often contribute to higher levels of stress. Physical exercise is a natural way to expend or release tension.
Note the quote: Numerous medical studies have confirmed the necessity of exercise for maintaining good health as well as the long-range benefits of exercise to mental and physical health. Not only does it keep our bodies functioning well, but exercise helps to reduce stress and thus lessens the risk for illness.[31]
□ Personal:
✓ Consider whether the benefits of enduring stressful situations are worthwhile. E.g., is the salary from a stressful job of more value than the costs to your health and/or family? Is the grief generated by a stressful relationship worth enduring?
✓ Remember that the cause of the stress may be inconsequential. E.g., the pressures of winning or losing a game or contest; meeting an upcoming deadline; fulfilling all your plans on vacation, changing styles. What’s the worst that could happen if you change plans or fail to meet the goal? Why allow yourself to be stressed out over minor events? “Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill” is good advice.
✓ Take time to be alone. If interpersonal relationships cause stress, take occasional breaks from them.
✓ Cultivate spiritually rewarding relationships. Spend time with people who help you relax and enjoy yourself.
Ec 2:24 There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labour. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.
□ Behavioral:
✓ Prioritize your time.
✓ Take breaks during stressful tasks.
✓ Be kind. Smile. Help someone with a problem. Donate to a worthy cause. Focusing our attention on the needs of others often reduces our own personal stress.
✓ Delegate responsibility. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Enlist help.
□ Spiritual:
✓ Renew your mind (daily time studying God's Word, Rom 12:1-2).
✓ Rest and recuperate regularly, especially on the Lord’s Day.
✓ Pray for wisdom in organizing, planning, and time use.
✓ Trust that God will give you the resources to handle stress.
An Antidote to Stress: Maintaining Margin
Richard Swenson, in his book titled “Margin,” suggests that people tolerate too much stress in their lives. Many are overloaded and overextended by work, family, health concerns, bills, etc. The pressures and influences of modern culture have brought unnecessary stress into life. Pursuing the “American dream” and a desire to “keep up with the Joneses” merely increase the strain on the average family. People are tired, frazzled, anxious, and depressed, mostly because they overload themselves with unnecessary activities and expectations. What people need is some margin, that is, some leeway or extra space planned in to daily living. Instead of living “on the edge” all the time, people should maintain a cushion or a reserve available just in case things don’t go as planned. Swenson defines margin as the space that exists between people and their personal limits. This space gets squeezed out because of the stress associated with modern living—technology, travel, materialism, entertainment, “progress,” etc. Margin can be restored through contentment, simplicity, balance and rest. Learn to resist over-commitment; refuse to over-burden your life with non-essentials. Swenson suggests we maintain margin in four areas: emotional energy, physical energy, time, and finances. Instead of pushing yourself and your family to the edge, scale back, simplify, relax, and be content.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 13: Overcoming Fear
Introduction
The admonition “Do not be afraid” (or “fear not”) is often repeated (21 times) in Scripture.
✓ Christ said it repeatedly. Matthew 10:25-28, 14:27; Luke 12:32; John 14:27
✓ Paul said it. 2 Timothy 1:7
✓ The author of Hebrews said it. Hebrews 13:6
✓ John said it. 1 John 4:18
In spite of those words, fear is still a common feeling, even among Christians. Some feelings of fear are appropriate and expected, but many of our fears are unfounded and reflect a lack of trust in God. The task of the biblical counselor is to help fearful people identify the source of their fears and give them the resources they need to overcome their fears.
What do people fear? Here’s a partial list: other people, loss (e.g., time, money, respect) new situations, disasters, consequences of decisions, rejection, failure, the future, the unknown, exposure of past sins, death, eternal judgment.
Fears have been classified into various kinds of phobias (based on the Gk word for fear):
← Acrophobia—a fear of high places
← Claustrophobia—a fear of enclosed places
← Agoraphobia—a fear of crowds or open places
← Cynophobia—a fear of dogs
← Hydrophobia—a fear of water
← Necrophobia—a fear of death
← Noctiphobia—a fear of night
← Arachnophobia—fear of spiders
Such fears are commonly labeled “anxiety disorders” today.
Biblical Insights About Fear
I. Some Forms of Fear are Appropriate and Normal.
A. A healthy respect for dangerous situations is not wrong. It’s not sinful to be afraid of snakes, spiders, or sharks. In certain cases, a lack of fear would be irrational. Fear can protect us from danger and damage. Unless such fears become irrational and extreme, they are considered normal. Cf. Psalm 64:1-2.
B. A proper fear of God is certainly not wrong. Every believer is expected to fear God. A failure to fear of God is a sign of unbelief. Ecc 12:13; Prov 1:7, 9:10; Isa 6:1-8; Phil 2:12
C. Respect for those in authority is appropriate. Paul expects believers to “fear” those who are in positions of power (Rom 13:3).
II. Some Forms of Fear are Inappropriate and Abnormal.
A. Ultimately, every type of sinful fear is rooted in a lack of trust in God.
Ps 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
Pr 29:25 The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.
B. If God is not the author of sinful fear (2 Tim 1:7), then who is? Satan. He uses fear to take away the believer’s sense of peace and security. Fear produces immobility and even depression.
C. It is wrong to fear man rather than God. Prov 29:25; Luke 22:54-62; John 12:42-43
1. Because of the fear of man, some refuse to stand for Christ and biblical principles (Jn 19:38).
2. Because of the fear of man, some violate their own better judgment (Mt 14:1-12).
3. Because of the fear of man, some become inactive or unfruitful (Lk 19:20-21).
D. It is wrong to fear temporal things more than eternal things. Luke 12:4-5
1. People become so concerned about the things of this life (e.g., job, houses, cars, friends, reputation) that they don’t consider the value of eternal things.
2. Without an eternal viewpoint, things of this life become much more significant. The world can be a scary place when one does not have the comforts of God and His word.
E. It is wrong to fear the things you cannot change (e.g., disasters, social/political problems, the circumstances of one’s death), for this keeps you from the things you can change.
III. The Nature of Fear
A. Ultimately, fear is a by-product of sin. The first experience of fear happened when Adam deliberately sinned and was alienated from God (Genesis 3:8). Original sin opened the door for all humans to experience fear.
B. Human fear often reveals a selfish preoccupation with one’s own welfare. Human fear tends to focus on the potential for personal hurt and/or loss. This kind of fear asks, “What will I lose? What will happen to me?” Mt 25:25; Heb 13:6
C. Fear tends to immobilize people and hinder them from actively pursuing solutions. Fearful people are often ineffective and unable to achieve their goals. Fear can cause one to withdraw from responsibilities and relationships.[32] See Prov 26:13.
D. A strong fear of God alleviates other forms of fear. Psalm 112:1, 7-8; Mt 10:28
E. Godly love casts out fear. God desires that Christians overcome inappropriate fear. 1 Jn 4:18
IV. How To Overcome Fear
A. Get Right with God.
1. Biblical solutions to soul-problems always start with checking out the counselee’s relationship with God. Inappropriate fear must be replaced with the fear of the Lord, i.e., salvation. Biblical solutions to human fears work only for saved people. Lost people have good reason to fear and should not be comforted by promises that do not extend to them. In fact, fear may be an appropriate motivation to get saved.
2. If a person claims to be saved, he must
a) confess that his inappropriate fear is a failure to trust and fear God;
b) confess that the immobility caused by his fear is sinful;
c) trust the Lord to deliver him from all his fears (Ps 34:4);
d) trust that God is in control of all events and circumstances.
Ps 3:3, 6 But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head. … I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about.
B. Develop a Proper Fear of God.
1. The fear of God is a sense of respect, reverence, and awe directed toward God. It is the attitude that elicits from our hearts adoration and love, reverence and honor. It focuses not upon the wrath of God but upon the majesty, holiness, and transcendent glory of God.[33]
Rev 15:4 Who shall not fear thee, O Lord, and glorify thy name? for thou only art holy: for all nations shall come and worship before thee; for thy judgments are made manifest.
2. The genuine fear of God will remove other fears. Psalm 112:1,7-8
3. The genuine fear of God will reveal itself in obedience to the Bible. Ecc 12:13
C. Cast Out Fear Through Love. 1 John 4:18
1. Love is often able to overcome fear. E.g., a mother who is afraid of flying will board a plane in order to reach her sick child. A father will run into a burning building to save his child. Love is a higher motivation than is fear.
2. Likewise, a commitment to doing what is best for someone else (i.e., love) will overcome fears associated with those loving actions. Love should be able to overcome the immobility that fear often causes. In fact, God requires that we love one another no matter what our feelings might be. Fears cannot prevent us from doing what we love.
D. Keep in Mind the Benefits of Your Position in Christ.
1. As an adopted child of God, you have no reason to fear anything in this life or the next. The fear of God must overrule the fear of man. Mt 10:28; Rom 8:15-16; Heb 13:6
2. Our relationship with God removes all reason to fear. Rather, God is our loving Father and we are his beloved children. He has our best interests at heart.
3. Fear is no excuse for sinful activities or attitudes. Believers have access to all the resources God makes available to them.
Doubt—A Root Cause of Fear
Doubt and fear seem to be closely related, although not synonymous, emotions (cf. Deut 28:66). Doubt about God’s existence or about the authenticity of God’s word can open the door to multiple fears. James asserts that one who doubts is “like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed” (James 1:6). Doubt is very common among unbelievers, many of whom believe that lack of confidence is somehow virtuous. Even among believers, doubt may creep in occasionally. Doubts about God’s existence, the reliability of the Bible, and/or the effectiveness of prayer may plague sincere disciples. Doubt is a lack of trust, and when one lacks trust in God or in the Bible, fear, hesitation, and/or sin often result. Doubt may be debilitating but may be helpful if it motivates one toward greater study, thought, and discussion.
Solutions to doubt:
1. Study the Bible. The more exposure one has to God’s word, the more likely it is that one’s doubts will be eased. Full assurance of faith comes to those who trust God’s promises (Rom 10:17). If Christianity is true, evaluation of it will not disprove it. Christianity has nothing to fear from increased scrutiny.
2. Submit to the authority to God’s word. Ultimately, Christianity is a faith commitment. One can please God only faith (Heb 10:23, 11:6).
3. Pray. Ask God to give you a sense of calm assurance and steadfast faith (Heb 10:22-23).
4. Suspend judgment. Recognize the limits of your own intellect (Deut 29:29).
5. Discuss. Bring your doubts to your pastor or another mature believer.
6. Relax. Occasional doubts are common among believers. Doubt is not usually deadly. Even strong, saving faith is seldom perfect. Doubt does not necessarily cancel faith (Mk 9:24).
7. Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 14: Dealing with Guilt
Introduction
The study of the biblical concept of guilt is essential to counseling because issues of repentance and forgiveness include the concept of guilt. If personal problems stem from sin, feelings of guilt are going to play a role in counseling.
The Secular Views of Guilt
Since secular psychology denies biblical truth, it also denies the validity of true guilt. All secular psychology assumes that there is no God, no sin, no ultimate accountability, and thus, no reason for genuine guilt. Psychology provides ways to rid oneself of guilt feelings without removing the source of guilt. Psychologists explain away guilt as little more than an evolutionary mechanism. Psychologists often try to desensitize the client, excuse the behaviors that cause guilt feelings, or mask guilt feelings with antidepressants. Note how secular psychology has tried to explain guilt.
1. Freud: Guilt is a result of the internal personal tension between a desire for pleasure (the id) and the need for self-control and socially acceptable behavior (the superego). Humans are mere animals, little more than complex biological systems. One need not feel guilty for following his instincts.
2. Skinner: Guilt is just an evolutionary mechanism telling us we’ve violated our social standing within a group or threatened our social bonds. It’s an emotion that helps us see that we are hurting others. Feelings of guilt tell us we’ve violated a social norm, not God’s law. This social construct seems to be the leading theory of guilt’s purpose.
3. Rogers: Guilt is the result of failing to achieve your full potential. Set your own standards and meet them, then you’ll achieve self-esteem and guilt vanishes.
Example of how secular psychology addresses guilt: “If you are guilty, it is because you are attached to judgment, and that judgment is coming from outside of you. You are going outside of yourself to define who you are and, by association, how you behave, rather than relying on your internal mechanisms of decision making and self-regulation.
The fact is that, if you are a reasonably well constituted individual, you know right from wrong, good from bad and sensible from stupid. If you feel like you shouldn't be doing something, you probably shouldn't - and guilt (read: your internalized external judge) should really have nothing to do with it, before the fact or after. Once you've figured out who it is that is judging you and why you feel that they are judging you, you can move past self-stigmatization and enter into an authentic relationship with the situation at hand.
Our attachment to judgment, rather than making us more responsible and accountable to our thoughts, feelings and actions, makes us less so because it is an obstacle to authenticity. Clearing away the veil of guilt allows us to be more connected to what it is that we are experiencing, our thoughts and our actions in light of that experience and, thus, to be more present with our experience, our emotions and ourselves.”[34] (Note: Good example of psychobabble.)
The Biblical View of Guilt
The Biblical Definition of Guilt
Guilt is the liability to punishment for wrongdoing. Liability to punishment comes from violating a standard or law. God’s righteousness and justice are the basis for guilt. When one has knowingly violated God’s law, one is guilty and feelings of guilt will (normally) follow.
□ Guilt is not primarily a feeling. Guilt is a fact or state. A sinner is guilty. Violating the law makes one guilty.
□ Guilt may or may not be followed by feelings of guilt. Many law breakers never feel remorse or guilt.
□ We should not confuse the state of guiltiness and feelings of guilt. Feelings are based on facts, not vice versa. The state of being guilty may be unrelated to feelings of guilt.
□ Feelings of guilt should follow sinful acts. These feelings are God-given and normal. True guilt (a state of guiltiness) leads to feelings of guilt unless one’s conscience is inoperative.
General Truths About Guilt
□ Guilt is universal. All have sinned and all are guilty. Rom 3:23, 5:12
□ God holds guilty men accountable (i.e., liable) for their transgressions. Ex 20:7; Jer 17:10; Rom 1:20, 6:23; Gal 6:7-8
□ Salvation is the solution to the fact/state of guilt. This is a one-time solution; once you are saved, God no longer holds your guilt against you. Justification declares the sinner not guilty; one’s sins will not be held against him; he is no longer liable to punishment. See Ps 32:2; 103:10; Rom 8:1.
□ Feelings of guilt are beneficial because they may lead the unbeliever to Christ. Rom 5:8, 7:7; Gal 3:24
□ Feelings of guilt are beneficial because they may lead the believer to repentance and to higher levels of godliness and commitment. See Ps 32:1-5, 38:1-11; 2 Cor 7:11; Heb 10:22.
The Relationship Between Guilt & the Conscience
An inseparable relationship exists between guilt feelings and the state of being guilty. But what about the person who sins but does not feel guilty even though he is guilty? What about one who feels guilty, but has not violated biblical truth? These are issues of conscience. There are four possible types of conscience.
□ The untrained conscience: The individual with an untrained conscience has little or no guilt feelings because he does not know the difference between right and wrong. His conscience has never been activated by biblical truth (see Romans 1-3, especially 2:1-14). Such a conscience is insensitive because it has not been trained to discern good and evil. Young children often fit this category.
□ The seared or callused conscience: The individual with a seared or callused conscience has little or no guilt feelings because he has violated his conscience so often. A seared conscience is no longer activated by biblical truth (see 1 Timothy 4:2). Such a conscience is insensitive because it is broken or inactive. Grossly immoral people fit this category.
□ The weak conscience: The individual with a weak conscience has guilt feelings for wrong reasons. A weak conscience is activated by extra-biblical data (see Romans 14:1-2, 23). Such a conscience is overly sensitive because it has been given rules that go beyond what the Bible demands. Immature believers often fit into this category.
□ The good conscience: The individual with a good conscience is troubled by guilt only for right reasons. This is the conscience activated by biblical truth (see 1 Timothy 1:5 and 2 Timothy 3:16-17). A good conscience is clear, i.e., not troubled by guilt feelings because it has dealt with sin properly. Such a conscience is properly sensitive because it has been trained to follow biblical standards. Mature, balanced believers fit into this category.
God’s Answer for Guilt
1. Get saved.
As noted above, guilt is universal; it’s the reason people need to get saved. Once a person is saved, his guilty condition before God is settled/satisfied. God will not hold his sin against him.
2. Acknowledge and confess your guilt.
Personal confession is necessary to break the habits of denial, excuses, shifting blame, etc. You must own the reality and consequences of your actions. Ps 51:4
True confession allows for no excuses. You cannot say, “I did not mean to; I’m usually not like that; I sinned as a reaction; I have inherited traits; I take after my parents; I couldn’t help it, I wasn’t feeling well that day; I had just received some bad news,” etc. You must say in essence, “I admit that I chose sin in this situation; I followed my self-centered desires.” According to 1 John 1:8-10 the Christian’s response to sin is humble confession.
□ Confess your sins to God. Confession literally means “to say the same thing,” i.e., to agree with God about the nature of your sin, to think about it the way God does.
□ Confess your sins to appropriate people when necessary (See Mat 5:23-26 and James 5:16)
The old adage, “Confession is good for the soul” is true. This is the first step in overcoming guilt.
3. Make restitution when necessary (see Luke 15:11-32, 19:8; and Matthew 5:23-28).
Restitution is repaying, repairing, or replacing what one has damaged. If one has violated a civil law, various penalties may be required (financial penalty, jail time, etc.). If one has hurt people in other ways, he should seek to make things right. An apology may be in order.
4. Change sinful habit patterns. Forsake the sin; turn your back on it and determine not to go back to it (Prov 28:13). Put off the old, put on the new (Eph 4:22-24).
What About False Guilt Feelings?
By false feelings of guilt, we mean those feelings of guilt that are not based on genuine transgressions. Some people continue to feel guilty even when there is no legitimate cause for such feelings.
Christians should have no doubts or fears that God will hold their sins against them. They should rejoice in the fact that God holds them “not guilty” (i.e., justified). Regularly following the 1 John 1:9 pattern should purge one of guilt feelings. However, if a professing believer retains guilty feelings, it could be that his profession of faith was faulty or that he has little or no evidence (i.e., fruit) of salvation in his life. The counselor should probe the counselee’s experience of salvation and subsequent Christian growth to see if there is good reason for the person to feel guilty.
Even after confessing and forsaking sin, some especially sensitive believers may still feel guilty about their sins. Assure such a person that if he has followed the biblical pattern, God has forgiven him (cf. Ps 103:8-14). One should not feel guilty about sins God has forgiven. A person may regret the fact that he sinned, and one may have to live with the consequences of sin, but one should not feel guilty about sin that’s under the blood of Christ.
Some allege that false guilt feelings come from violating a non-biblical standard that one has adopted (i.e., a man-made, unnecessary rule). However, violating one’s conscience does not produce false guilty feelings; these are real guilty feelings because one has violated his conscience. Maintaining a good conscience is a Christian duty (Acts 2:31; 1 Tim 1:5, 19; 1 Pet 3:16). One’s conscience may be overly sensitive, but that fact does not give one the right to violate it. A strong believer should never urge a weak believer to violate his conscience (see Rom 14:1-6). One should allow biblical truth to mold and modify his conscience so that he does not adopt extra-biblical standards.
Note: The adoption of extra-biblical standards is the result of faulty Bible interpretation and application. An overly-sensitive or insensitive conscience (either extreme) signals a failure to understand and apply biblical truth. (By this we are not denying the validity of appropriate application of biblical principles to areas not directly addressed in Scripture.)
If a counselee is struggling with guilt feelings, the counselor must probe to find the source. Normally, feelings of guilt are associated with sinful behaviors. Christians must seriously consider why they are feeling guilty and take appropriate steps to purge themselves from guilt. Do not lightly dismiss guilty feelings; they usually signal that something is amiss.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 15: Biblical Perspectives on Suffering
Introduction
Pain and suffering seem to be a normal part of human life, even for Christians. One of Job’s friends remarked that “man is born unto trouble, as the sparks fly upward” (Job 5:7). Suffering is particularly troublesome when it strikes innocent and/or godly people (e.g., children, crime victims, missionaries). Contrary to what some preach, suffering is not necessarily outside the will of God for believers. The Bible offers a number of answers to the question “Why do the godly suffer?”
Before delving into the specifics of personal suffering, one needs to understand the general reasons behind human suffering.
1. Ultimately, all human pain and suffering can be traced back to the fall of man. Non-Christians and Christians alike suffer because they live in a sin-cursed world (Gen 3; Rom 8:22).
2. Non-Christians and Christians alike suffer because they possess an internal desire to sin (the flesh/sin nature). Sin has natural consequences, suffering being one of them (Deut 30:15-20; Rom 7:7-25; Gal 6:7-8; James 4:2).
3. Christians suffer because they are identified with Christ and thus hated by Satan and the world (John 15:18-19, 16:33; Phil 1:29; 1 Pet 5:8; Col 1:24).
4. Christians suffer because they are identified with others in the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:26).
The big “why?” questions (e.g., “Why did this tragedy happen? Why am I suffering? Why do others suffer?”) ultimately go back to why God allowed sin in the first place. God obviously could have prevented it from happening. But sin somehow fits into His overall program for the universe. God is not the author of sin and cannot be charged with sin, yet He is able to use sin for His ultimate purposes (cf. Acts 2:23). Sin resulted in suffering. Yet the existence of sin and suffering made it possible for God to express His love, mercy, and grace to undeserving sinners. It is more productive to focus on responding to reality than it is to ponder why things are the way they are (cf. Deut 29:29). We usually do not know why God allows suffering, but we do know how a Christian should respond to it.
Why Do Believers Suffer?
Beyond the list above, the Bible presents several reasons why Christians might suffer.
1. Suffering is a means of chastisement. Like a loving father, God brings suffering into a believer’s life as a means of correction or discipline (Heb 12:4-11). If a believer is living in sin and refuses to repent, he can expect chastisement.
• God’s nature is to be merciful, gracious, and patient. He often allows the believer many opportunities to repent before imposing discipline/chastisement. Discipline may follow sin immediately or may not seem to follow at all.
• Discipline should not be thought of as punishment because Christ satisfied God’s wrath against our sin on the cross. Chastisement or discipline is not designed to punish but is designed to bring the believer back on to the right path.
• When suffering, the believer should consider whether his pain may be chastisement. While it’s impossible to know the mind of God on the matter (without direct revelation), the believer can usually determine if personal sin is the cause of his pain.
• The longer one allows sin to go unchecked, the more severely God will deal with him in order to correct his actions.
• God requires repentance from the errant believer. The pain of discipline, whether physical or mental, cannot be dealt with properly until sin is confessed and forsaken. When God applies the rod of discipline, He desires to make His children holy, obedient, and righteous. His goals must become the believer’s goals.
• Death may be the ultimate expression of chastisement for an unrepentant believer (1 Cor 11:29-30; 1 Jn 5:16).
• Learn a lesson from Job: suffering is not necessarily the result of personal sin. The Bible presents many reasons why God allows suffering to enter the life of a believer. Some or all of these could be present in any given occasion of suffering. Don’t jump to conclusions or presume that you know why a person is suffering (unless it’s abundantly clear; e.g., in jail for robbery). Further, the state of one’s health is not a good indicator of his spirituality.
• We must reject the unbiblical idea that faithful people do not suffer. The so-called “prosperity gospel” has no basis in Scripture.
2. Suffering is a means of spiritual development/maturity. (Job 23:10; James 1:2-12; Heb 12:5-11; 1 Peter 1:6-8)
• Suffering can produce patience, wisdom, and humility (James 1:2-12).
• Suffering can produce holiness (Heb 12:5-11). “God uses the fires of affliction and suffering to refine and purify every Christian by melting out the dross of self and the flesh.”[35]
• Suffering can provide opportunity to prove the genuineness of your faith.
Note the Quote: “Suffering burns away self-deception by making us aware of what we turn to apart from Jesus to make our lives work the way we want. As we suffer, we find out if our faith in God is genuine…. If, as we suffer, we learn to cry out to God for help and depend on him for everything, then God will use our suffering to train our faith.”[36]
3. Suffering is a means of public influence.
• Suffering can provide opportunities to witness for Christ. (Phil 1:12; 1 Peter 3:15)
• Suffering can provide opportunities to comfort others who suffer (2 Cor 1:3-24).
• Suffering can rebuke believers who are guilty of pride and spiritual cowardice (1 Cor 4:9-16).
• Suffering can demonstrate the power of God (2 Cor 11:24-33).
• Suffering can advance God’s purposes in the world (Gen 50:20).
4. Suffering is a means of glorifying God.
There is a sense in which all of the reasons listed above serve to bring glory to God. Yet, there are times when God allows suffering exclusively for the uplifting of His name.
• Suffering can demonstrate God’s power (John 9:1-3).
• Suffering can vindicate God’s character (Job 1:6-12).
• Suffering can demonstrate God’s holiness (Job 42:5-6).
Helping Those Who Suffer
Even well-intentioned believers seeking to help others may actually make things worse by saying or doing inappropriate things. The following suggestions will prevent counselors from making such mistakes.
What Not to Do
1. Do not become one of “Job’s counselors,” who thought Job’s suffering must be the result of personal sin. They were wrong. Evaluation of the reasons for suffering is a personal matter. A third party (someone other than God and the sufferer) can never have all the facts. Don’t assume that suffering is because of personal sin or because of a lack of faith. Avoid “if only” discussions.
2. Do not misuse Scripture. Many try to find a verse to “claim” that will remove the affliction. The Bible gives us principles to be obeyed, never magical formulas to be dispensed or spells to be repeated.
3. Do not engage in self-pity or anger. Self-centered responses do more harm than good.
4. Do not confuse passivity with patience. Patience is active. It seizes the opportunity for spiritual development that is present in suffering.
5. Do not think that God is obligated to remove the suffering merely because you’ve asked Him to do so. Paul prayed three times that his physical affliction might be removed, but suffering was the will of God for his life (see 2 Cor 12:7-8). Escape from suffering is never promised by God; sometimes God’s purpose is that we “bear it” (1 Cor 10:13).
6. Do not assume that pain is alien to the Christian life. Our culture has wrongly influenced many Christians with the belief that freedom from pain is the greatest good. It is not. The greatest good is the development of Christ-likeness (1 Peter 4:12).
What To Do
1. Help the counselee by simply being present and offering your support. Show warmth and genuine sympathy. To their credit, Job’s friends spent considerable time with him before offering any advice (Job 2:13). Sympathetic counselors do the same.
2. Remind the counselee that God understands human suffering. Jesus endured far more suffering than any other person ever has or ever will. God sees and understands suffering; He knows what it’s like (cf. Isa 53).
3. Help the counselee accept suffering as part of God’s providential will for his life (2 Cor 12:9; 1 Peter 4:1). God has His own purposes that we may not understand (Deut 29:29).
4. Help the counselee consider the possible reasons he is enduring pain (as listed above).
5. Help the counselee see the potential benefits of suffering (as listed above).
6. Help the counselee entrust himself to God during suffering (Ps 73; 2 Cor 12:9; 1 Pet 4:19). God is too wise to make mistakes and too good to be unkind. God is in control.
7. Help the counselee deal with emotions that commonly accompany suffering, like fear, anxiety, self-pity, anger, and guilt.
8. Help the counselee consider possible means of relieving suffering.
Note: Be aware that some people enjoy the benefits that suffering bring. Hypochondriacs, for example, claim that they are suffering in order to gain attention and sympathy, freedom from responsibility, and a cover for laziness. If you suspect that one’s suffering is self-imposed or phony, probe to find the underlying sinful attitudes.
Counseling the Bereaved
Normally, the death of a loved one causes grief and sorrow for the survivors. It is one of the most stressful events of human life. Even mature believers express their grief at such times; this is perfectly acceptable. Healthy people normally deal with such losses without too much interruption of life. Counselors can help the grieving by
• Simply being present and available; be a good listener.
• Expressing your concern in simple ways—a note or card, phone call, small gifts, visit, food, etc. Physical touch can be very comforting at such times.
• Encouraging the grieving to talk about their departed loved one
• Comforting the grieving with Scripture, prayer, music, etc.
• Taking over some minor responsibilities temporarily—provide a meal, clean the house, help deal with bills, take phone calls, drive to appointments, etc.
• Helping the grieving make minor decisions. Encourage them to postpone major decisions until they can think clearly and objectively.
Occasionally, people are so overcome by grief that they break down and/or become depressed. Such a response may signal that other serious problems exist. See the lesson on depression.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 16: Overcoming Marriage Problems
As mentioned previously, the number one reason people seek counseling is to address marriage problems. Difficulties within marriage seem very common, even within Christian families. Unfortunately, divorce rates for professing Christians are about the same as rates for unbelievers. While many couples seek aid from pastors or professional counselors, others seek advice from friends and family. If someone came to you for help with his or her marriage relationship, how would you respond? What advice would you give? This lesson is designed to help average people know what to do in such cases.[37]
Suggestions for Maintaining a Happy Christian Marriage
1. Adopt and implement the biblical pattern for marriage. Scripture gives much information about the husband-wife relationship. Marital happiness and success comes from following the biblical pattern.
Several basic commitments of the biblical pattern for marriage:
✓ God must be the center of Christian marriage. Commitment to God and to biblical practice must be the highest priority of both spouses in a Christian marriage. Agree together that you will follow biblical principles pertaining to your marriage. Believe that God has a solution to all your marriage problems.
✓ Leave your original family, cleave unto your spouse, and weave together your own relationship. Seek spiritual, emotional, and physical unity. Strive to be soul-mates.
✓ Marriage is between one man and one woman until death separates them. God hates divorce. Divorce is an acceptable final solution only in cases of unrepentant adultery or abandonment by an unbeliever. Never contemplate or threaten divorce without biblical grounds. In all cases, agree to seek reconciliation if the marriage bond is threatened.
✓ Spouses must protect and cherish the “one flesh” physical relationship of marriage. Intimacy in marriage is pure and honorable; outside of marriage, it is sinful and destructive. Relations in marriage should be mutual, equal, reciprocal, and regular. Lack of intimacy may signal or produce other problems in the relationship. Avoid all contact or action that might cause jealousy or contribute to infidelity. Make it unnecessary for either spouse to seek satisfaction elsewhere.
✓ The husband is the head of the household. He is responsible to love, cherish, care for, protect, and provide for his wife and family. He is the man of God, the spiritual leader of the home and primary teacher of the children. He must not abdicate this responsibility.
✓ The wife is a companion, completer, and helper to her husband. She lovingly submits to her husband’s godly leadership. She strives to be a virtuous woman of the Proverbs 31 pattern.
✓ Children, if present, are to be in submission to their parents. The household revolves around the husband-wife relationship, not around the children. Parents must teach their children obedience and respect. Children need to see that their parents love and respect one another.
The above principles should be seen as benchmarks for dealing with the great variety of potential problems. Every married Christian must adopt and practice the above goals. When both spouses agree to and follow these principles, marriages are much more likely to succeed. Failure in any one of these basic commitments will lead to trouble.
2. Work on communication skills (see Lesson 8: Rules of Communication).
✓ Open, honest communication is necessary for maintaining healthy relationships. Stubbornness, intolerance, and narrow-mindedness hinder open communication and create conflict.
✓ Men and women communicate differently. Women tend to be emotional, verbal, detail-oriented, and relational. Men are less emotional, less verbal, big picture-oriented, and want to provide solutions instead of merely talking about problems. Understand and make room for these differences. Adopt realistic expectations.
✓ Complaints, criticism, sarcasm, and insults undermine close relationships. Communicate in a way the builds up, not that tears down. Be careful about your words even when joking.
3. Strive to get along with the in-laws and extended family.
✓ Don’t live with the in-laws if possible. Parents (especially mothers) find it hard to quit parenting even when their children become adults, and new families resent the intrusion of in-laws. Privacy also may be lacking in such situations.
✓ Don’t criticize the in-laws; the child (of the in-laws) will resent it. Don’t make anyone takes sides in a conflict if possible.
✓ Agree how often to visit, whether to send gifts, how involved you will be in the extended family, etc. When one spouse wants to be deeply involved in all family events and the other does not, conflicts arise.
✓ Communicate important news to the in-laws. However, do not air your private problems to them. Don’t borrow money except in an emergency.
✓ Women especially seem to need the comforts of mom and dad. Don’t put a roadblock between a daughter and her parents.
4. Agree on financial matters. Financial disagreements are one of the leading causes of marriage conflicts and divorce. Live within your means. Save for the future. Don’t be materialistic. Decide who will control the accounts, pay the bills, do the banking and investing, etc. Review the finances together periodically. Share the information; don’t hide it. Agree on how much to donate to church and charities. Seek to be content with what you have. Avoid debt when possible. Be thrifty shoppers. Make and follow a budget. Money can make life easier, but it can’t buy a happy marriage.
5. Hold realistic expectations for each other. Each spouse must adjust to the weaknesses and blind spots of the other. Do not demand perfection, in either your spouse or yourself. Try to avoid irritating your partner. Recognize and appreciate the differences between the sexes. Try to be tolerant and flexible with one another.
6. Try to be optimistic. A negative, pessimistic, melancholy attitude is hard to live with. Try to be happy and enjoy all the blessings God provides. Work to make every day a good one. Make the atmosphere of your home inviting, warm, and comfortable.
7. Take time for rest and recreation. Find relaxing things to do together.
8. Try not to take one another for granted. Don’t allow routine daily living to take the joy and excitement out of the marriage. Get out of the marriage “rut” occasionally.
Potential Problems in Marriage
When marriage counselors are asked to list the main problems of marriage, the following come up:
← Communication failures
← Intimacy issues
← Money/finance disagreements
← Infidelity of one or both partners either before or during marriage
The Bible directly addresses each of these potential problems. Spouses that are committed to the Bible will not allow these issues to threaten their relationship.
Other Significant Marriage Dangers
← Addictions: alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, TV, sports, romance novels, food, etc.
Solution: Make every effort to overcome the addiction; find a counselor to help you if necessary. If your spouse thinks you have a problem, it most likely is a problem even if you don’t see it that way. We are often blind to our own weaknesses.
Note: With the advent of the Internet, pornography has become a major threat to marriage, even within Christian homes. Take whatever steps are necessary to prevent this problem from gaining a foothold in your home.
← Unrealistic expectations of one or both spouses: spouses may have a romanticized view of marriage with the spouse being Prince Charming or Wonder Woman. When one’s partner reveals him/herself as less than perfect, resentments set in.
Solution: Recognize your own personal flaws and imperfections and allow your spouse to have his/her own set. Align your expectations with reality. Don’t allow the air-brushed, digitized images of Hollywood or mainstream media influence your self-image or that of your spouse. Try to be tolerant of minor irritations, quirks, and eccentricities.
← Over-commitment/fatigue: especially problematic when both spouses work full time jobs and take on other projects or responsibilities. Overcommitted and overworked people tend to be so exhausted that they have little energy to invest in the marriage relationship.
Solution: Cut back, simplify, and prioritize. Schedule regular times to be together. Be more committed to each other than to activities, recreation, entertainment, etc.
← Significant character flaws—selfishness, dishonesty, greed, vanity, lack of discipline
Solution: Get right with God. Confess your sin, repent of it, and strive after Christian maturity. Such character flaws call one’s salvation and commitment into question.
Counseling Suggestions
1. Call the couple to biblical commitment. Analyze their professions of faith, Christian experience, and spiritual maturity. A simple commitment to obedience may solve some problems. Without such a commitment, there is little hope for change.
2. Probe for root causes of their problems. In what way has the couple violated biblical principles of marriage? Why have such violations happened? Point out chapter-and-verse violations.
3. Call the couple to repentance. Once they see how they have violated God’s Word, urge them to confess their sin, repent of it, and forsake it.
4. Don’t allow pass-the-buck excuses or avoidance of personal responsibility. Insist that the couple is capable of biblical and rational behavior.
5. Suggest strategies for improving the relationship.
6. Suggest mentors or examples the couple can consult for advice.
7. Always give hope. Assure the couple that God has the solutions to their problems. If they will humbly submit themselves to biblical guidance, a satisfying marriage relationship is possible.
Helping People Change:
Lessons on Biblical Counseling
Lesson 17: Dealing with Doubt (Lack of Assurance of Salvation)
As noted in a previous lesson, it’s not uncommon for Christians to have occasional doubts about various aspects of Christianity. Such doubts usually have few long-term negative effects. However, one doubt that can be truly debilitating is doubting one’s salvation. Assurance of salvation makes the difference between a weak, ineffective believer and a bold, effective one.
If a friend told you that he was struggling with doubting his salvation, what would you say? Here are a few things to consider when helping someone regain his assurance of salvation.
Causes of Doubt of Salvation
▪ Making a profession of faith at an early age; inability to remember when one got saved; lack of detailed memory of events at the time of one’s profession of faith; doubting whether one was really old enough to understand.
Note: It is often unwise to press children to make a profession of faith. They may respond to such pressure before they truly understand the concepts involved. Too-early professions then may be followed by false assurance or lingering doubts. It’s better to wait until the child is old enough to comprehend the basics of the Gospel. Cf. Mt 18:3-4.
▪ False teaching—faulty views of salvation (e.g., easy believism) or sanctification (e.g., perfectionism, Keswick theology); false ideas about God (e.g., that God is wrathful and vengeful, that God is looking for reasons to punish).
▪ Revivalistic preaching—emotional appeals from dynamic preachers can cause immature or sensitive believers to doubt that they are really saved.
▪ The influence of a highly structured church or family; unrealistically high expectations from parents or Christian leaders; lack of grace, patience, and forgiveness; a failure to live up to perceived norms.
▪ Satanic attack—Satan is the “accuser of the brethren” (Rev 12:10) who delights in causing havoc for Christians. Struggling with doubt may be part of the “wresting match” going on against “spiritual wickedness in high places” (Eph 6:12).
▪ Hyper-sensitivity and/or morbid introspection; constant evaluation of one’s actions and attitudes as compared to the biblical standard.
▪ Confusion, lack of understanding; simple immaturity and/or ignorance of biblical truth; misinterpretation of biblical statements; lack of follow-up discipleship.
▪ Lack of evidence (fruit) of salvation.
▪ The presence of sinful attitudes and behaviors (i.e., evidence to the contrary)—those engaged in unrepentant sin have good reason to doubt that they are saved.
▪ Faulty, superficial “faith,” lack of commitment (in which case, the person is probably not saved [cf. Mt 7:21-23; Titus 1:15-16]).
Three Bases for Assurance of Salvation
Assurance of salvation is based on three biblical principles. Counselors should direct doubters to evaluate themselves on these criteria.
1. Assurance is based on the promises of the Bible.
✓ The Bible tells us that those who repent of their sins and believe the gospel will be saved. If you’ve done what the Bible tells you to do regarding salvation, you have God’s promise that you are saved.
✓ The counselor should be familiar with the following passages: John 3:16-18, 5:24, 10:28-29, 20:31; Rom 5:1, 8:1, 10:9-10; 2 Cor 5:21; Eph 1:4-6; 1 John 5:11-13
✓ The counselor should evaluate whether the doubter has a good understanding of the basics of the Gospel (the person and work of Christ) and of the proper response to it (repentance and faith). Confusion or misunderstanding here will naturally lead to doubts.
✓ A primary aspect of assurance is simply believing what God said in the Bible. Believers have God’s promise that those who trust Christ will be saved. If one is confident that God’s word is true, he should also be confident that his salvation is secure.
2. Evidence of salvation will always follow true conversion. New creations in Christ (2 Cor 5:17) will give evidence of their new spiritual state by a radical change in attitudes and behaviors. Note several evidences of salvation from 1 John: true believers
□ walk in the light (1:6-7). They display Christ-like behaviors and attitudes.
□ are sensitive about sin. Instead of denying it, they regularly confess and forsake it (1:8-10).
□ are obedient (2:3-5, 29). The general trend or pattern in a genuine believer’s life is obedience and holiness, not rebellion and worldliness.
□ love the things of God rather than the things of the world (2:15-17).
□ love other believers (3:10-15, 5:1-2). Genuine believers find true fellowship with other believers rather than with the unsaved crowd.
□ are committed to a doctrinally-sound church (2:19). True believers maintain unity with a group of orthodox believers in a church.
□ affirm sound doctrine (2:20-23). They believe the essential teachings of the faith.
□ follow after holiness (2:29, 3:6-9). They are not sinless, but they are striving to cease from sin and follow the Lord.
Those who display such evidence in their lives can be assured that they are saved. Those who lack such evidence should seriously question the validity of their profession. Lack of spiritual fruit, or the wrong kind of fruit, is evidence of a lost condition (Matt 7:15-20).
3. The Holy Spirit gives assurance to those who are saved. Romans 8:14-16
One of the ministries of the Holy Spirit is to give believers a calm, confident assurance that they have been converted. This aspect of assurance is admittedly more personal and subjective than other bases of assurance.
While one should not base his assurance of salvation primarily on inner feelings of peace and security, such an inner calmness and confidence is one aspect of assurance.
Other Considerations
❖ True believers will persevere (continue, persist) in faith and in good works. These evidences will continue in a genuine believer’s life. If one becomes unorthodox in his belief or if he fails to maintain the works required for a Christian, he has reason to question his salvation. True believers often do backslide for a time, but they will not finally and fully reject Christ.
❖ A person can know for sure that he is saved. It’s not a matter of “hope so” or “maybe so.” It’s a firm conviction based on God’s Word. Such assurance will likely not arrive until sometime after salvation. Assurance is like fruit—it takes time to develop and mature. Some time must pass for the evidences of salvation to start displaying themselves. But if one is truly saved, such assurance will arrive. Until this kind of evidence arrives, it’s unwise and counterproductive to assure a person that he is saved. Rather, if there is little or no evidence, the person should doubt his salvation. This is why it is unwise to assure a new convert that he is really saved right after his decision to be saved. It may be a false profession. Time will tell whether he was sincere.
❖ Assurance of salvation is not the same as eternal security. Assurance deals with one’s own personal conviction, based on biblical principles, that he is truly saved. Eternal security is the objective truth that all those who genuinely trust in Christ for salvation will be saved and cannot lose their salvation. Once a person is saved, he cannot ever be lost. The idea that a genuine believer is eternally secure should strengthen one’s assurance of salvation. The two ideas do work together, but they are separate doctrines. A genuine believer is eternally secure, but he may or may not have assurance of salvation.
Helping Those Who Doubt
How would you counsel a person who is struggling with lack of assurance of salvation? Here are a few suggestions.
1. Urge the counselee to “give diligence to make your calling and election sure” (2 Pet 1:10). Probe the counselee’s profession of faith and subsequent experience. Discuss the essential truths of salvation and make sure he understands the message of the Gospel and the appropriate response (repentance and faith).
✓ Remember that assurance of salvation may take time to develop. It’s unwise to assure someone that he is saved immediately after his profession of faith. Time and experience may prove that his profession was empty. Assurance must be based on the biblical criteria (i.e., fruit, orthodoxy).
✓ Assure the doubter that he need not remember with perfect clarity all the events surrounding his conversion experience. He may not remember them well at all and still be genuinely saved. What really matters is his current profession and experience. If he believes the Gospel and has evidence of good fruit, he must have been saved at some point. It matters little whether he remembers his conversion experience.
✓ Temporary wrestling with this matter of assurance is not necessarily a bad thing. Some mental anguish may result as one considers the implications of setting one’s “hand to the plow” (Lk 9:62) and following Christ. Don’t short-cut this process. A settled assurance that one is genuinely saved sometimes takes a while to develop. Don’t reassure someone without good reason. And don’t worry too much if someone is struggling with this.
2. Evaluate his devotional life and church commitments. Is he regularly reading the Bible and praying? Is he regularly fellowshipping with other believers? Does he understand the costs of discipleship? Neglect of Christian disciplines will naturally lead to backsliding and doubt.
3. Work through the list of the typical causes of doubt from above. Correct any faulty theology, misunderstandings, ignorance, etc. Teach the correct, biblical truths about salvation, assurance, Christian experience, and eternal security.
4. Determine if the counselee has unrealistic expectations for the Christian life. E.g., does he think that mature Christians have complete victory over sin and no longer struggle? Is he distressed by his continuing struggle with sin? Is he surprised at how easily he gives in to temptation? If he’s expecting sinless perfection of himself, he has cause for doubt. Cf. 1 Kings 8:46; Prov 20:9; Eccl 7:20; Mt 6:11-12; James 3:2; 1 Jn 1:8-10.
5. Evaluate whether the counselee has appropriate evidence/fruit of salvation in his life. Lack of evidence should produce doubt. Evidence that denies his profession of faith likely means that he is not saved (cf. Mt 7:21-23; Titus 1:15-16).
6. Make sure the counselee knows that salvation is not based on walking an aisle, talking to a counselor, raising one’s hand, or any such physical responses. Also, check to see if the profession of faith was merely an emotional response to a moving appeal. Regret is not the same as repentance (e.g., Judas, Heb 12:17), and assent to the facts is not the same as saving faith. It may be wise to challenge the doubter to prove to you that he is saved.
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[1] This phrase taken from the church covenant of Liberty Baptist Church, Antigo, WI.
[2] John B. Street, “Why Biblical Counseling and Not Psychology?” in Think Biblically! We do not deny that biological malfunctions affecting the brain such as brain damage, tumors, genetic defects, glandular or chemical disorders, or other medical conditions may cause psychological problems. Neither secular psychology nor Christian counseling can solve such problems. A medical doctor should address these issues.
[3] David Powlinson, “A Biblical Counseling View” in Psychology and Christianity, p. 197.
[4]Ryrie, “What is Spirituality?” Bibliotheca Sacra Volume 126 (Vol. 126, Page 204-205). Dallas Theological Seminary.
[5] John Murray, quoted by Dave Burggraff in “Sanctification: A Process or an Experience?” Much of the material in this lesson comes from Burggraff.
[6] Wayne Mack, God’s Solutions to Man’s Problems (Hensley Publishing, 2002), 197.
[7] Mack, God’s Solutions, 207.
[8] Chuck Colson, BreakPoint Commentaries, “The Bewilderment of Sin,” 6/26/2009.
[9] Based on John Regier, Biblical Concepts in Counseling Manual, chapter 10, “Resolving Problems Using the Word of God.”
[10] Much of this lesson adapted from the author’s Contending for the Faith curriculum.
[11] Ironically, secular psychologists commonly deny that humans have a soul.
[12] Richard Ganz, Psychobabble (Crossway, 1993), 32.
[13]"Skinner, B(urrhus) F(rederic)," Microsoft® Encarta® 98 Encyclopedia. © 1993-1997 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
[14] Hunt and McMahan, The Seduction of Christianity (Harvest House, 1985), p. 205.
[15] Mel and Gloria Blowers, Psychology: A Biblical Analysis. PsychoHeresy Awareness Ministries, 4137 Primavera Road, Santa Barbara, CA 93110. psychoheresy-.
[16] Most of these from Walter and Trudy Fremont, Becoming an Effective Christian Counselor (BJU Press, 1994).
[17] Jay Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manual (Zondervan, 1973), 322.
[18] Fremont, Effective Christian Counselor, 208.
[19]John MacArthur, Anxiety Attacked (Wheaton, Ill.: Victor Books, 1996, c1993).
[20] MacArthur, Anxiety Attacked.
[21] Quoted by Charles Wood in The Woodchuck’s Den newsletter, 18 June 2010.
[22] Middletown [OH] Bible Church, The Problem of Anger.
[23] Some of this material from “A Strong Emotion of Displeasure,” a message by Jim Harrison, staff member at Maranatha Baptist Bible College, Watertown, WI. Found at
[24] According to the National Institute of Mental Health.
[25] Ed Welch, “Basics About Bipolar,” . Christian Counseling and Education Foundation.
[26] Jay Adams, Counselor’s Manual, 381.
[27] Welch.
[28] WebMD,
[29] WebMD
[30] Based on notes from Linda D. Norrell, M.D.
[31]John MacArthur, F., Jr, Wayne A. Mack and Master's College, Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Basic Guide to the Principles and Practice of Counseling, Electronic ed. (Dallas, TX: Word Pub., 1997, c1994), 152.
[32] John Regier, Biblical Concepts in Counseling
[33] Jerry Bridges, The Fruitful Life (NavPress, 2006), 33.
[34] Michael J. Formica, “Guilt is a Wasted Emotion,” Enlightened Living Blog. July 25, 2008.
[35] Freemont, The Effective Christian Counselor, 250.
[36] William P. Smith, When Bad Things Happen (New Growth Press: 2008), 10-11.
[37] Much of this material based on Fremonts’ Becoming an Effective Christian Counselor.
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The Word of God:
Inspiration, inerrancy, authority, sufficiency; the foundation of all true counseling
Exegesis and Hermeneutics: the interpretive process.
Understand each passage in its historical, grammatical, and theological context.
Systematic Theology: sound doctrine.
Consider what the Bible teaches on the issue.
Practical Theology: so what?
How should I change? What should I do?
The Word of God:
Inspiration, inerrancy, authority, sufficiency; the foundation of all true counseling
Exegesis and Hermeneutics: the interpretive process.
Understand each passage in its historical, grammatical, and theological context
Systematic Theology: sound doctrine.
Consider what the Bible teaches on the issue.
Practical Theology: so what?
How should I change? What should I do?
Questions to Ask Before Addressing
a Problem
1. Do I have all the necessary facts? (Proverbs 18:13)
2. Should love cover this problem or confront it? (1 Peter 4:8)
3. Is my timing right? (Proverbs 15:23b)
4. Is my attitude right? Am I truly trying to help the other person? (Ephesians 4:15)
5. Are my words loving, kind, and compassionate? (Ephesians 4:15)
6. Have I asked for God’s help? (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Decisions and Assurance
Evangelists should invite people to make a decision to repent of sin and believe the Gospel. Unfortunately, people tend to look back on their decision and the surrounding circumstances as the basis of their salvation. Rather than trusting Christ, they trust their decision and/or the experience associated with it. For example, one might think, “I had some experience (walked an aisle, signed a card, raised my hand) at some time in the past, so I must be saved.” Some even suggest writing the date on a wooden stake and pounding it into the ground as a reminder of that decision. If one ever doubts his salvation, he simply looks at the stake and reassures himself.
Conversion (repentance and faith) is our decision, at least from a human perspective. But we must not lose sight of the fact that God initiates and carries through salvation, not man. We must not look back on our decision, or any accompanying activity, to give us assurance of salvation. Instead, the basis of our assurance must be our current state of belief (Am I orthodox in my belief? Am I trusting Jesus Christ alone as my Lord and Savior?), behavior (Am I striving to live a Christ-honoring life? Am I growing in the Christian life?), and the inner witness of the Holy Spirit (Rom 8:14-16). Only those who have evidence (fruit) have a basis for assurance.
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