THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN
THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN Contact: Scott Haltzman, MD
Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever (401) 247-9100
By Scott Haltzman, M.D. with Theresa Foy DiGeronimo
Publisher: Jossey-Bass, A Wiley Imprint Email:DrHaltzman@
Publication date: January 2006
Price: $22.95/hardcover
ISBN: 0-7879-7959-7
NEWS FLASH FOR ALL MEN:
WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE,
THERE ARE LOTS OF THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE IT A SUCCESS
Psychiatrist Scott Haltzman Reveals Specific Ways Men Can Enhance Their Marriages In New Book, THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN
Why are some men so much happier in their marriages than others? “Because they take an active role – participating in their marriage with as much energy and drive as they put into their jobs, careers, or hobbies,” says psychiatrist and marriage counselor Scott Haltzman, author of the new book, THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever.
Drawing on his many years of research and clinical experience, Haltzman has written a guidebook that helps men understand the female mind, offering solid advice, first-person stories, and clever anecdotes that unravel the mysteries of a joyous union. THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN reveals the specific ways to make marriage work.
“First and foremost,” says Haltzman, “the single-minded dedication men devote to work should be duplicated at home.” Business buzzwords such as priorities, strategies, negotiation, conflict resolution, and goals are all relevant at home. Marriage is a lifetime commitment to a career of loving one another forever. Dr Haltzman recommends that the husband’s job description
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include: love, honor, and respect her; be sexually and emotionally faithful; listen without being judgmental; support and nurture her ambitions inside and outside the home; share in child care and domestic work; and be as attentive, fun-loving, and adoring as he was during courtship, or close to it.
Other secrets are:
•••Know Your Wife – Women are different from men and nothing should be taken for granted. Drop all past assumptions and take a closer look at her, including her relationship to your children, her parents, her in-laws, and her career. As Haltzman writes, “Look beyond your own perspective when talking to your wife. Take her for what she is, not what you expect her to be.”
•••Be Home Now – Haltzman says, “To win your wife’s heart and build a lasting marriage, you have to be there, in person, day by day, Mr. Regular, at home, in the building – and that’s that.” If a man is spending time away from home to circumvent conflict, prevent loss of control, avoid the stress of parenting, household work, or even intimacy, this section of the book will help him analyze what’s happening and divulge the steps that he should take to improve the situation.
•••Expect Conflict and Deal with It – “Household conflict is part of even the healthiest marriages, but there’s a right and wrong way to argue. Studies show that happily married couples don’t argue less – they just argue better,” says Haltzman. His research shows that the hot button topics for fighting are money, sex, in-laws, housework, and a new baby – and he explains in detail why these issues rock the boat as well as ways to mediate the arguments.
•••Learn to Listen – New brain research proves that men and women communicate differently. Women are more verbal, while men tend to nod their heads in acknowledgement rather than uttering a response. According to Haltzman, most men talk to convey information, while women
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talk as a way of connecting, relating, and sharing. It’s important for men to understand the gender differences in order to excel at communication with their wives, and Haltzman offers a plethora of tips for overcoming this obstacle.
•••Aim to Please – This means more than saying “Yes dear” and remembering to put down the toilet seat. It’s also compliments, and the “I love you” and the “Thank you.” Be thoughtful and creative, and always remember birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.
•••Understand the Truth About Sex – According to Haltzman, sex is not the overriding factor in either marital happiness or marital distress. In most cases, women seek a romantic connection before sex, and men want sex as a way to express a connection. Yet, there are steps to take to make everyone happy. Haltzman offers a five-stage plan in order to maximize the sexual relationship.
•••Introduce Yourself – Men should take a good look at themselves. Do they look and act like the man their wife married? Are they physically fit? Have their values changed? After assessing these issues, Haltzman says, “If you have been working hard at making your wife feel great, then you’ve set the stage for getting your own needs met. So introduce yourself. Let your wife know who you really are, what you value, and what you need to be happy. It’s your turn to get what you want.”
Peppered with comments and tips from married men and women along with helpful to do lists, THE SECRETS OF HAPPILY MARRIED MEN gives men the tools they need to create a loving joyful marriage. As Haltzman says, “Men have demonstrated the ingenuity to rebuild engines from scratch and the patience to catch a large mouth bass; surely they can take on – and succeed – at the challenges of marriage.”
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About the Author
Scott Haltzman, M.D., maintains a private psychiatric practice in Rhode Island and serves as Medical Director of NRI Community Services in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. He is currently Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry and Human Behavior at Brown University where he received his undergraduate and medical degrees. He completed a fellowship in psychiatry at Yale University. A sought after speaker on the lecture circuit, he has given numerous presentations including the Smart Marriages conference and the American Psychiatric Association annual convention. He has appeared on many national television programs and is quoted often in the national press.
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