Love and Marriage – Michael Mazzalongo
Love and Marriage – Michael Mazzalongo
Intro – Isn’t it ironic that in this day of Oprah and Dr. Phil, in a time where there are all kinds of marriage preparation seminars and countless books on how to be happily married --- the rate of divorce continues to hover between 40 and 50 percent.
– Isn’t it amazing that people wait longer to be married, prepare more for it socially, even experiment with it more than ever before --- and the counseling offices can’t keep up with unhappy marriage partners.
– And yet we continue to marry (approximately 3 million weddings in 2001) because we believe that it is within marriage that the greatest potential for happiness and fulfillment is found.
– I have called this morning's sermon, “Love and Marriage” because I want to focus on the key ingredient that makes a marriage wildly successful ----- and that is Love.
– Now there are a lot of ideas about what love really is, and what it feels like…
*But if you want to succeed in marriage you have to cultivate a certain kind of love and this is the type of love I want to describe to you today.
UNDERSTANDING LOVE
• I never met a couple who wanted their love to last only a little while. Everyone wants the experience of love to last a lifetime.
• Some people marry, remain faithful to one another but stop loving each other. It’s a pretty difficult thing to be married to someone you don’t love.
• My mother used to say that love is like a flame; it burns brightly so long as it’s fed.
• I agree with this idea but would add that it also depends on the kind of love you’re feeding in your marriage.
• When it comes to love, we have many ideas concerning its nature and application:
- We say we love football, we love pizza, we love our wives
- Different things we love, same word to describe our emotion.
• The Greeks on the other hand, (which is the language that the New Testament was written in) had a very precise language. They had different words that described the different kinds of love experienced by people.
1.THE KINDS OF LOVE EXPRESSED BY HUMANS.
A. EROS - Sensual love, gratifying the senses.
- Art, Music, Sex, Physical Activity (Sport).
• Love based on the idea that we love what will give us physical pleasure in some way, especially sex. (Eros was the Greek god of love).
IE. I love baseball, music, and sex – physical pleasure.
B. Phileos - Word for brother, and brotherly love.
- Refers to a need for intimacy and sharing.
- Includes our cherished feelings for acquaintances, neighbors, or working for a common cause (politics) to the highest form of Phileos – friendship:
- Also refers to the love of humanity, which is expressed in the word Philanthropy.
. Phileos is the word for the love that brings people together because of shared interest, goal, needs,
IE. I love my buddies; I love the poor…
C. Storgos - The Greek root for the idea of home.
- Refers to the love that exists because of family relationships.
- Expresses the feelings between those who have a blood relation.
. Storgos is based on common heritage, social structure, common experience --- the love of Country.
IE. I love my Mom, my kids, the USA.
. Now we experience all of these in some way within marriage and these are sources of joy and pleasure within our marriages:
- In marriage we have Eros, (Sexual love within marriage) Phileos, (Bonded friendship within marriage) and Storgos (The development of family within marriage).
. These types of love, however, are all based on things that are outside of ourselves.
- Sex is stimulated by our need for gratification by the other.
- Friendship is based on things we share.
- Family is produced by adding another.
. As good as these things are, they are not the source of love --- they are merely the experience of love.
. They are not, in themselves, what makes love grow; they are the ways we express and experience love.
. For the source of love we must go to God, for the Bible says that He is love - 1John 4:16
❖ The source of love is not sex, friends or family ( God is the source.
When we understand the nature of God’s love then we will know how to begin love and feed the love that keeps our relationship alive and wonderful. This brings us to …
2. THE KIND OF LOVE EXPRESSED BY GOD
. When the N. T. writers began to describe God’s love for man in Christ, they introduced an obscure word that was rarely used in Greek literature --- the word AGAPE.
- This Greek word described the doting kind of love that a father would
have for an only child or a special child.
- Spoiled love, (Grandparent’s kind of love)
. They used this word because the nature and expression of God’s love for man did not fit the categories defined by the usual words for love that had been used in the past (Eros, Phileos, Storgos).
. The challenge that they faced was to find a word that described a kind of love that had never been seen or experienced before.
- God sending His only perfect Son to die for those who hated and
disobeyed Him in order to save them
. This type of sacrificial love was not based on shared experiences, physical pleasure or common heritage --- it was a love that gave without condition and the word Agape seemed to capture the spirit of the action in a way that the other words couldn’t.
. This is why every time the word love is used in the N.T., except for one occasion, it is used to translate the Greek word Agape.
. The reason for this is that there are great differences between human love and Agape love. For example:
A. Agape love is not stimulated by self-gratification, intimacy, beauty or shared interests.
. It is produced by a response of obedience towards God. He says, “Love your neighbor” and we do as an act of obedience not because our neighbor is nice, our neighbor shares our skin colour or interest.
. Our neighbor has nothing to do with our loving him --- our love for him is based on our obedience to God.
. Just like Jesus’ death for us was not based on our loveliness, our request – but rather on His response of obedience to the Father from Jesus.
. Jesus loved (Agape) the Father and so He obeyed until death.
B. Agape love begins with an act of our will, not a feeling in our flesh.
. We can love those who are unlovable, those with whom we have little in common, those who don’t want or deserve our love because we decide to do it, not because we feel like it.
C. Human love pleases man and is for man’s pleasure.
. Agape love pleases both man and God because it injects God into every relationship.
. When we love as God loves, we become the channel through which God blesses others.
* If we are to succeed at marriage with on going love we need to be expressing Agape love not just Eros, Phileos, and Storgos love.
II. Agape Love And Marriage.
. I mentioned before that human love is not the source of love, merely the expression of love.
. And this experience is fragile and temporary being subject to age, illness and misunderstanding.
. When the reason for human love dies, so does the love.
IE. - When virility and beauty go, so does sex.
- When we hurt each other’s feelings our friendship dies.
- When our children go, many marriages lose their joy.
. Godly love, agape love, because it is based on a conscious decision to offer our love to our partner without conditions for life --- this is the oil that keeps the flame burning no matter how the situation changes.
. Agape is the only kind of love that will survive and support this promise.
- It’s because we’re ready to offer agape love that we say that we take our partner.. “ in sickness and in health, for better or worse until death do you part..”
* This kind of love is effective because it was this kind of love that drew all of you to Christ in the first place, and its this kind of love that keeps us faithful until death.
III. What Does Agape Look Like?
. I think that most people when they hear this say, “ I want some of that Agape love; what does it look like in a practical setting? describe it to me as a human being so I can practice it, experience it.”
. Paul describes the actions and reactions, the personality and character of Agape love in 1 Cor.13, when he says love is patient, love is kind etc., he is saying Agape love is patient, Agape is kind etc. Let’s review these to understand:
– Agape is patient – Willing to bear another’s weakness without complaint anger or
discouragement.
– Agape is Kind – Willing to serve with good acts.
– Agape is Not Proud – Doesn’t overstate one’s own worth, consider oneself better and
worthy of honor.
– Agape is Not Rude – Acts politely, is considerate, honorable lifestyle
– Agape is Not Selfish – Doesn’t just consider his own needs and desires.
– Agape is Not Sensitive – Easily offended, easily angered and impatient.
– Agape is Not Vengeful – Doesn’t always keep score.
– Agape Loves Justice – It wants good to win.
– Agape Forgives – Ready to cover the others’ mistakes rather than point them out.
– Agape is Trusting – Not blind or gullible, but does not give in to every suspicion.
Gives the benefit of the doubt.
– Agape Always Hopes – Hopes that eventually the best will come out in the partner.
– Agape is Longsuffering – God’s type of love is ready to endure a long time for the
sake of the other.
– This is part of the original decision --- to love no matter what.
. When examining your relationship, your love, your marriage --- don’t list how often you feel good, don’t count how many times you’ve had sex in the last month, don’t review what you’re doing together these days --- as a way of determining if your love is alive.
❖ Examine your love in light of 1Cor.13 and see if, its agape love that you are cultivating. If you’re not these other things can’t be revived, if it is, these other things will flow naturally as a result.
Summary - How do we keep love alive in our marriage?
1) Decide that from here on we are gong to love our partner not because of what they give us but because this is what a child of God does.
– We love as a response to God’s command.
– 1John 4:16 “ The one who abides in love abides in God.”
2) Begin to practice Agape love in your marriage. God will strengthen us in patience, kindness, etc. if we ask Him.
– Eph. 3:20 can teach us Agape. “Now to Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask..”
❖ Remember, this type of love style must be cultivated because it goes against our natural desires and tendencies, and marriage is God’s creation where we are placed in order to learn how to Agape.
EXHORTATION
. God promises in His Word that if you do this, your love will remain alive, not only for the life of your marriage but forever.
. Paul says, “Love never fails” 1Cor. 13:8
. If you love in this way – Your marriage will never fail.
. God demonstrated His Agape for us when He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins.
. We return this love to God by responding to Him in faith repentance and baptism in order to wash away our sins.
❖ If you need to show your love to God through baptism or by being restored to Him by prayer come now.
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