A GUIDE TO DISCOVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP’S UNIQUE SUPERPOWER

A GUIDE TO DISCOVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP'S UNIQUE SUPERPOWER

YOUR 2 & 5

ENNEAGRAM

by CHRISTA HARDIN, MA

ENNEAGRAM + MARRIAGE

Illustrated by ALAINA POMPA

RAY OF LIGHT SHOP

YOUR ENNEAGRAM

Glow

A Guide to Discovering Your Relationship Potential

by Christa Hardin, MA

Illustrated by Alaina Pompa

With Special Thanks to Michael Shahan

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

2

THE ENNEAGRAM

WHAT IS THE ENNEAGRAM?

5

THREE SUBTYPES

13

WHAT'S ALL THE HYPE ABOUT TYPE?

6

NINE TYPES

7

TWENTY-SEVEN WINGS

14

TRITYPES

15

YOUR GLOW

HOW TO LOVE A ONE

What your person needs 17

VARIETY IN PAIRINGS

Specifics about wings and subtypes 18

YOUR GLOW TOGETHER

Ways you shed light on each other and cast a glow in the world 22

LIGHT UP THE NIGHT

Date night ideas and tips 23

STOKE THE FIRES

Romance and sexual intimacy 24

GLOW IN THE DARK

How your relationship influences the world at large

24

PAINFUL SHADOWS

A word about trauma from Michael Shahan 25

WATCH OUT FOR SPARKS

Help to thrive through conflict 26

RECOVERING FROM BURNOUT

Illuminating insights for relationship recovery 26

AFTERGLOW

Workbook questions to continue your journey 28

INTRODUCTION

We leave an imprint with each person we touch but in a relationship, that imprint is deep and long lasting, often shaping us. As much as we're determined by our biological nature and our own will, our environment also shapes us, according to twin studies all over the world. (Segal, NIH) So in a nutshell, the Enneagram Glow is a term we coined to refer to this lasting environmental influence from our marriage on our Enneagram types. The Enneagram Glow is the specific way we rub off on each other in intimate relationships, specifically in this case marriage. Since we make these bonds intentionally, for better and for worse in marriage, we tend to rub off on each other in all kinds of unexpected ways. This is because our spouses have certain ways of moving efficiently through the world, just as we have our own preferred habits. In relationships we often make compromises so that we can be more agreeable to one another. Ready for the amazing part? Often, those little acts of compromise, paired with hard work and sacrifices, really do become a part of who we are and can often bring health to us! As we become more harmonious, our relationship also becomes stronger because of these added healthy influences.

While we are still two people with our own unique colorings, our blending together has both softened and sharpened us. We are now a beautiful new hue neither of us was before.

As our reflections fall on each other, the world gets to see and receive from our combined beautiful gifts too.

The world gets to bask in your Glow!

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A glow gives steady light without the harshness of a flame, and that's exactly what you want for your marriage, to illuminate without burning one another in the process! While people are always growing on multiples levels, couples tend to glow with many of their partner's main Enneagram type giftings.

The ways we shape one another can continue to surprise us, even if we've each been together for decades!

It's been so fun for me to see that even after being with my husband Wes for over twenty years (from the ripe old age of sixteen!), our personalities continue to influence one another. Thinking back I realized, they did so from the start. Let's just say I stopped skipping school within a year of dating him and he stopped judging me for reading anything but the King James Version of the Bible.

Despite preferring to keep big emotions safe under lock and key as a 7, I recently got photos back from our photographer and I saw the most vulnerable look in my eyes toward Wes. It both shocked and pleased me. I'm so glad Wes brings that to me, as his type giftings have helped changed me over the years. Even though I am part of the fear triad and have 6 and 8 wings tugging at me not to trust, the goodness and dependability of my 1 husband has indeed softened me. Wes has allowed my quest for adventure and experience to gift him with much-needed breaks as well, especially when his inner critic is not so kind. We welcome any healthy influence we can get from one another and I know you do too!

But I must warn you, as you'll see from the trauma section written by Michael Shahan, it's not always easy work. Sometimes we find out we rub off on each other in negative ways as well as good. To help keep this from taking root, we must work through various traumas that will inevitably show up.

I'm so excited you're on the journey with us to unravel your pairing's best kept relationship secrets and superpower and to refine your own unique glow together!

I can't wait to hear what you discover.

-Christa Hardin, M.A.

*Special gratitude to Beatrice Chestnut and The Enneagram Institute for sharing Enneagram teachings online, on podcasts, and in their courses.

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