9/11 (Another player of your choice) your left)

9/11

(Another player of

your choice)

A day to somberly remember

a tragic event. And buy lots of stuff with American flags.

Because I'm not going

down alone.

Everyone must stand up and have a moment of silence before reading cards.

(The OP)

(The player to

your left)

I can't believe you posted

THAT.

Why are we friends

again?

(The player to your right)

Which one are you?

A Cure For Cancer A Fleshlight

A Pretty Princess

Why can't you be a genius A masturbation aid with With ribbons and a tiara

doctor like your brother? a clever name.

and a pony and shit.

If you are female, you get one extra Like.

A Punch to the Baby-Maker

It hurts. A lot.

A Realistic Silicone Love Doll

I hear they're popular in Japan.

A Series of Tubes

"The internet is a--a series of tubes!" -Sen. Ted Stevens

A Steaming Bowl of Shit

Tonight on Fox!

Discard two cards from your hand.

Aborted Fetuses

Take a picture to protest with.

Adolph Hitler

Adorable Kittens

ProTip: Compare people Cute, fuzzy, baby cats. to him to win arguments.

All players must read cards in an outrageous German accent.

All That's Good and Holy

What's that doing in this game?

Alligator Arms

Alternative Energy

Your tiny little arms are Wind, solar, fairy dust,

useless here.

etc.

Americans

USA! USA! USA!

You must read this card in a Southern American accent.

An Obviously Affected British Accent

You're not fooling anyone, chap. Cheerio!

You must read this card in a British accent.

Anal Probes

Anonymous

Aliens do that to people For We Are Many they abduct. People from trailer parks.

Asians Being Racist Against Each Other

This happens a lot.

Autotuning

Providing songs by the tone-deaf since 1997.

Ayn Rand

Baby Carrots

Author of Atlas Shrugged They're trying to turn me

and the 40-page

gay!

monologue contained

therein.

Birth Control Pills

I heard on the talk radio that only sluts use these.

Blackjack and Hookers

I'm gonna go make my own card game...

Draw 2 Comment Cards.

Botched Plastic Surgery

Eew. Just eew.

Bronies

Buttsex

They never shut up about If you're into that

My Little Pony.

kind of thing.

Draw 3 Comment Cards, then discard 3 cards.

Certified Angus Beef

Angus is actually the most common breed of cattle in the U.S.

Child Beauty Pageants

You don't know the meaning of the word "creepy" until you see one of these.

Cock Push-Ups

It hurts my cock.

China

Chuck Norris

Clinical Anxiety

Where to even begin?

Star of Walker, Texas Ranger, and roundhouse kicking enthusiast.

oh got can't breathe

Look at the 5 cards on top of the Comment Cards deck. Take one and put the rest back in any order you like.

Cockfighting

Conquistadores

Creationists

Male roosters fighting. What were you thinking of?

Brutal conquerors of the The earth is only 6,000 New World. Or masked years old? BWAHAHAHA! wrestlers.

Steal 2 Likes from one other player of your choice.

Crunchy Boogers

Now you're just trying to be gross.

Crystal Meth

You didn't need those teeth anyway, right?

Cunnilingus

The thing where the tongue goes in the vagina.

Dead Parents

What do Batman and Harry Potter have in common?

Death Lasers

Just a couple of small death lasers, I swear!

Another player of your choice must discard 2 cards that you choose randomly.

Divination with the Entrails of a Freshly Sacrificed Virgin

But it has to be a FRESH virgin.

Doctor Who

British sci-fi about a tweedy time traveler in a blue box.

Discard any cards in your hand that start with vowels. Draw enough new cards to replace them. (Only do this once.)

Dwarf Tossing

No one tosses a dwarf!

Elvis Presley

Entitlements

Fluffy Bunnies

Freddy Mercury

The King of Rock and Roll All those leeches sucking on the government teat!

This round anyone who didn't get any Likes will get one free Like.

Look at them with their twitchy noses! They're plotting something!

Flamboyant lead singer of Queen, died of AIDS.

Gaydar

Genghis Khan

George Takei

For detecting gays. Accurate within 25 feet.

Founder of the Mongol Empire. Also appeared in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Oh my. (Also, Sulu.)

God

The Alpha and Omega

Going Back in Time Happy Little Trees

Hey, it worked in Back to the Future!

Bob Ross liked to paint these.

Discard your entire hand and draw 10 cards.

Holograms of Dead People

Because that's totally tasteless, right Tu Pac?

Hypnotism

You are getting sleepy...

If you have a Comment Card with the name of a famous person, you can discard it to get an extra Like (but only one).

Jackie Chan

Killer Bees

Lady Parts

Marxism

Always kung fu fighting. Are we still supposed to Also known as vaginas. be afraid of those? I don't remember.

Anyone actually know what that is? Anyone at all?

Me

When I said "I hate everyone," that includes myself.

Megashark

Once clashed with Crocosaurus.

MILFs

Misandry

Moms I'd Like to Fuck. Prejudice against men.

(i.e., mom that aren't like TOTALLY a real problem.

yours oh snap!)

:rolleyes:

Misogyny

Being shitty towards women, because the world just isn't terrible enough otherwise.

Murder

My Friends

My Job

The ending of a human life with malice aforethought.

Pick another player; they have to discard their entire hand and draw a new hand of 10 cards.

Like the fuckers I'm playing this game with. Did I say that out loud? Shit. Just kidding.

I'd rather be writing sarcastic shit for card games.

My Secret Past

Wouldn't you like to know?

My Self-Esteem

There's not a lot of it.

Nick Nolte

Insane actor. May also be Quetzalcoatl.

Nyan Cat

Pop tart cat set to annoying Vocaloid music. Let's run this shit into the ground.

Obamacare

Also known as the Affordable Care Act. Watch out for death panels!

Only the Best of Intentions

Sure. We believe you.

Open Mic Night

Paternity Tests

at the Chuckle Hut

The search for the baby

The most brutal audience daddy.

for standup comedy since

the Apollo.

Poop

Also known as Number Two.

Premature Ejaculation

Sorry, honey.

Discard up to three Comment Cards from your hand.

Pretty Flowers

They smell nice too.

Puberty

Not your brightest hour.

Ragnarok

The end of the world, according to Norse mythology.

Rainbows and Sunshine

And unicorns and happiness!

Rainy Days

Regret

Sigh. Guess we'll have to That thing we all have stay inside and play more lots of. of this card game.

Everyone draws 2 Comment Cards.

Reverse Racism

Whatever that means.

Ronald Reagan

Rubber Duckies

Rush Limbaugh

Actor, guy who sold out other actors to McCarthy, President, Conservative Saint

You make bath time so much fun!

Big fat idiot or big fat patriot? You decide!

Sadness

Schadenfreude

Schindler's List

Sean Connery

Single tear.

Delight at others' suffering. Germans invented it.

A film about a German Played James Bond, a businessman who tries to dragon, and the guy from save Jews from the Nazis Zardoz. by employing them in his factory. Serious Business. Everyone must read

their cards in their best (worst?) Sean Connery

Shame

Shitty Dubstep Music Shrimp Fest

Smooth Jazz

That thing we have very wub-wub-wub-wub-wub All you can eat shrimp! little of.

Not to be confused with soul jazz, acid jazz, latin jazz, or Jazzy Jazz McJazzerton.

Snakes

Why did it have to be snakes?

Spankings

Some people are into that kind of thing.

Star Wars

Strip Poker

Required viewing for all Think carefully about

nerds.

who you play this with.

Sweater Vests

Swedish Meatballs

What do Jimmy Carter The best part of a trip to and Rick Santorum have IKEA. in common?

The Bermuda Triangle

Tonight on Mysterious Mysteries of the Unknown!

The Black Lung

Sucks to be a coal miner.

The Debilitating Polio Virus

You didn't need that spine, right?

The Diabeetus

That's how Wilford Brimley says "diabetes."

The Duck-Billed Platypus

Now I know God's just messing with us.

The Easter Bunny

Brings candy to all the boys and girls to help remember Jesus' brutal crucifixion and subsequent resurrection.

The Evil Eye

Why's it never the Good Eye or the Chaotic Neutral Eye?

The Female Orgasm

That's a thing, right?

The Four Food Groups

Dairy Council propaganda!

The Glass Ceiling

The thing that keeps women from attaining high positions in business.

The Goddamn Batman

Not just any Batman.

You must read your answer in your best Dark Knight voice.

The Holocaust

I'm sure you'll do something horrible with this card.

The French

Don't worry; the French are stereotyping you right back.

Everyone must read their cards in an outrageous French accent.

The Holy Bible

The power of Christ compels you!

The Homosexual Agenda

Step 6: More Showtunes (That's a gay stereotype, right?)

The Ides of March

Bad news for Caesar.

The Interwebs

Home of the Twitters and the FriendFace.

The KKK

Beware the racist Halloween ghosts.

The Last Space Shuttle Flight

Now all that crappy freeze-dried ice cream will go to waste!

The Patriarchy

The Mark of the Beast The Metric System The N-Word

666 or something?

Draw six Comment cards and lay them face up on the table. Go around the table (starting with you) taking turns picking up cards.

The Pope

A system of measurements favored by nonAmericans and science nerds.

No comment.

The Rape of Nanking The TSA

Men work and rule, women stay in the kitchen. Why? Because the Patriarchy said so!

Head of the Catholic Church.

Hey, Japan got in some atrocities in WWII too!

The molestation is all to keep you safe while you fly.

If you are male, you get one Like.

The Virgin Mary

Tramp Stamps

Trannies

Tree Huggers

Best excuse for a pregnancy ever.

What better way to say So can we add

"I'm a whore" than a

"transphobia" to the

tattoo on the small of the list of things that's

back?

wrong with you?

If you like that tree so much why don't you marry it?

White Privilege

Privilege means never having to think about privilege.

Whiteness

Your Mother's Muffins Acting Like a

Responsible Adult

It doesn't mean I'm better I married your mother for

than you, it just means I her muffins. get treated that way.

Did I fool them?

Adding Made-Up

Adding Pumpkin

Bullshit to Wikipedia Spice to Goddamn

Articles

Everything

This is my Wikiality!

Starbucks does this every autumn.

Angry Fisting

Why can't it be a happy fisting?!

Auditioning for Blue Man Group

You do realize they don't have speaking parts, right?

Being a Team Player

Also, a detail-oriented go-getter!

Being Friends With You

I really have no idea why anymore.

Being the Boss and Making Important Decisions

Cigar smoking optional.

Being Wrong on the Internet

So many people doing this, so little time.

Blaming Someone Bleeding From Else For Your Farts Every Orifice

He who smelt it dealt it. Eew. No.

Bowing to Foreign Leaders

Don't bow when you could kick in the nuts.

Boycotting Chick-Fil-A

Just because they support traditional marriage (by donating to anti-gay hate groups).

Bribing the Little League Umpire

Participation trophy my ass!

Building the Perfect Fuck Machine

Soon.

Burning People Alive While Masturbating to Their Screams

Uh. Wow. No.

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

And not in a sexy way.

Burning Witches

If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood...

Casting a Shadow

One of the burdens of being a creature of the light.

Casting the First Stone

Castrating Someone With Rusty Pliers

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." -Some Rabbi

Ow. Just no.

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