Relationships at Midlife
Relationships at Midlife
Midlife relationships—at their maximum. Foundation of culture.
Middle of family; looked to for guidance; senior employee or employer;
Trying to find place for themselves in own life
Those social roles involving relationships give lives meaning----membership in family, teams, classes, clubs, unions, etc
Families: marriage, parenting, elderly parents and siblings
Family: dynamic system of interdependent relationships.
Cross-generational and mutual interdependence
What makes up family?
Changes in idea of family—nuclear family less likely now-more divorce
Blended and single parent more common
Smaller family size-fewer children
More adult centered
Mobility
At midlife fewer family resources to depend on
Midlife woman—aging grandparents; parent retirement; launching own children; grandparenting.
Marital relationship at midlife: successful marriages(Newman & Newman)
Commitment to growth as individual and as couple
Effective communication
Creative use of conflict situations
Perspective of women
Tend to tell of spouse inadequacies
Reassess roles as wife and mother—concentrate on own individuality
Effort toward rebuilding marriage relationship and maintain ties with older and younger genertion
Perspective of men
Intimacy needs and value of marital partnership of increasing importance—job no longer only self-fulfilling role
Report being more attuned to affiliative needs
Less pampering from spouse
The positive feelings toward spouse significantly related to their overlll life satisfaction
Parenthood at midlfe: 3 categories
Child older; newborns and adult children returning home
10 % parents in early fifties have children at home under 18 yrs
Launching period—7 years on average. Shift in relationship, changing places in family structure
New identities, new roles, new responsibilities.
Evaluate own accomplishments as parents, review own personal development
Launching—positive time—child move on. Post parental period—day to day role changes
Depression or rejuvenation???
Current research suggests: young adults leave home later, & more likely to return
45-54: 45% adult ch at home; 15-20 % adults age 20 – 30 live with parents; 10 % over age 30.
Why? Divorce or separation; not married, unwed mothers, financial issues.
Conflict possible—lifestyle, employment, friends, etc.
Older the child, usually better interaction
Grandparenthood—at midlife, often care for grandchild
3 styles grandparenting
Remote
Companionate
Involved
Younger—companionate
Older--remote
Sandwich generation—dealing at same time with children and aging parents
Kin keepers—usually women—likely in work force, not as available
Over ½ women45-54 in workforce
Expectations of midlife
Help with community resources
Emotional support
Talk over matters of importance
Emergency care in home
Sacrifice personal freedom
Care of elderly when ill
Being together on special occasions
Financial help
Advice
Adjust family schedule to accommodate helping
Women: daughter-in-law
Sibling relationship
Intimate
Congenial
Loyal
Apathetic
Hostile
Bonds tested in crises
Friendships
Women and friendships: usually more than men have, deeper and long lasting, actively sought out. More self disclosure, give and receive emotional support
Men and friendships: change in lives in midlife—shift of values and priorities.
Based on shared interests and activities. Fewer friends, less self-disclosure. Smaller networks, less supportive in stress
Men state spouse closest confidant
Non-college educated—who lack social connectedness lacked self-esteem. Stress—less likely talk to family and relatives
College educated—more psychological immobilization, resulting in more use of social support systems.
Gender roles and crisis at midlife
Cultural differences in relationships
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