Relationships at Midlife



Relationships at Midlife

Midlife relationships—at their maximum. Foundation of culture.

Middle of family; looked to for guidance; senior employee or employer;

Trying to find place for themselves in own life

Those social roles involving relationships give lives meaning----membership in family, teams, classes, clubs, unions, etc

Families: marriage, parenting, elderly parents and siblings

Family: dynamic system of interdependent relationships.

Cross-generational and mutual interdependence

What makes up family?

Changes in idea of family—nuclear family less likely now-more divorce

Blended and single parent more common

Smaller family size-fewer children

More adult centered

Mobility

At midlife fewer family resources to depend on

Midlife woman—aging grandparents; parent retirement; launching own children; grandparenting.

Marital relationship at midlife: successful marriages(Newman & Newman)

Commitment to growth as individual and as couple

Effective communication

Creative use of conflict situations

Perspective of women

Tend to tell of spouse inadequacies

Reassess roles as wife and mother—concentrate on own individuality

Effort toward rebuilding marriage relationship and maintain ties with older and younger genertion

Perspective of men

Intimacy needs and value of marital partnership of increasing importance—job no longer only self-fulfilling role

Report being more attuned to affiliative needs

Less pampering from spouse

The positive feelings toward spouse significantly related to their overlll life satisfaction

Parenthood at midlfe: 3 categories

Child older; newborns and adult children returning home

10 % parents in early fifties have children at home under 18 yrs

Launching period—7 years on average. Shift in relationship, changing places in family structure

New identities, new roles, new responsibilities.

Evaluate own accomplishments as parents, review own personal development

Launching—positive time—child move on. Post parental period—day to day role changes

Depression or rejuvenation???

Current research suggests: young adults leave home later, & more likely to return

45-54: 45% adult ch at home; 15-20 % adults age 20 – 30 live with parents; 10 % over age 30.

Why? Divorce or separation; not married, unwed mothers, financial issues.

Conflict possible—lifestyle, employment, friends, etc.

Older the child, usually better interaction

Grandparenthood—at midlife, often care for grandchild

3 styles grandparenting

Remote

Companionate

Involved

Younger—companionate

Older--remote

Sandwich generation—dealing at same time with children and aging parents

Kin keepers—usually women—likely in work force, not as available

Over ½ women45-54 in workforce

Expectations of midlife

Help with community resources

Emotional support

Talk over matters of importance

Emergency care in home

Sacrifice personal freedom

Care of elderly when ill

Being together on special occasions

Financial help

Advice

Adjust family schedule to accommodate helping

Women: daughter-in-law

Sibling relationship

Intimate

Congenial

Loyal

Apathetic

Hostile

Bonds tested in crises

Friendships

Women and friendships: usually more than men have, deeper and long lasting, actively sought out. More self disclosure, give and receive emotional support

Men and friendships: change in lives in midlife—shift of values and priorities.

Based on shared interests and activities. Fewer friends, less self-disclosure. Smaller networks, less supportive in stress

Men state spouse closest confidant

Non-college educated—who lack social connectedness lacked self-esteem. Stress—less likely talk to family and relatives

College educated—more psychological immobilization, resulting in more use of social support systems.

Gender roles and crisis at midlife

Cultural differences in relationships

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