Healing from an Affair

Healing from an Affair:

A Betrayed Spouse¡¯s Companion Guide for Understanding Your

Wayward Spouse and Helping Your Marriage Heal

By Sarah P.

Emotional Affair Journey

Copyright & Disclaimer

Copyright ? 2019. Emotional Affair Journey. All rights reserved.

Disclaimer

This book is intended to provide useful advice and exercises to help

individuals and couples heal themselves and their relationship after

infidelity.

The author, Sarah P, possesses graduate credentials in Clinical

Psychology; however, this book is not meant to replace traditional

therapy since the advice contained herein should be considered as

educational in nature. We encourage you to seek professional counseling

with a licensed professional therapist in your area.

Aside from all this legal stuff, enjoy the book and best wishes!

Healing from an Affair

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Contents

Copyright & Disclaimer................................................................................................................... 2

Forward:.......................................................................................................................................... 4

Preface: ........................................................................................................................................... 6

Why Doesn¡¯t My Spouse ¡°Get It¡±? .................................................................................................. 9

Is Your Spouse A Fence Sitter? ...................................................................................................... 12

The 4 Stages of Healing from Infidelity ......................................................................................... 15

Understanding your spouse¡¯s pain ............................................................................................... 27

How Can A Spouse Have an Affair without Thinking of the Harm? ............................................ 29

What your wayward spouse needs to do to help you heal. ........................................................... 35

Stop all contact with the affair partner ¨C forever! ........................................................................ 39

You will be triggered and your wayward spouse must partner with you to end your triggers. ..... 41

You Might Run into Times When Your Wayward Spouse is Selfish ............................................ 53

A Cheater Must Take responsibility for His/her actions ¨C and/or inactions ............................... 54

Track Your Progress in the Marriage ............................................................................................ 58

All About Trust.............................................................................................................................. 60

Talk about things .......................................................................................................................... 63

Hold Your Wayward Spouse Accountable to Honesty ................................................................. 65

Remorse, Apologizing, and the Affair Fog .................................................................................... 68

Ensure that Your Spouse Acknowledges the Depth of Your Pain and the Harm Caused to the

Larger Family Unit........................................................................................................................ 74

Educate Yourself About Affairs and Relationships ...................................................................... 96

Your Spouse Must Figure Out Why He or She Had an Affair .................................................... 100

Ensure that Your Spouse is to be Thoughtful and Reassuring ....................................................103

Defensiveness................................................................................................................................ 111

Remember the Grass is not Greener............................................................................................ 113

Active Listening ........................................................................................................................... 115

Do Not Accept the Blame for Your Spouse¡¯s Affair ..................................................................... 117

Your Spouse Must Live Life as an Open Book ............................................................................. 119

Your Spouse Must Not be Angry .................................................................................................. 129

Get Personal Counseling .............................................................................................................. 136

Tell your spouse what he/she needs to do on a regular basis ..................................................... 140

A Word on Making Changes ........................................................................................................ 141

Backsliding ................................................................................................................................... 143

Conclusion ................................................................................................................................... 145

Healing from an Affair

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Forward:

Several years ago, Doug wrote a book unlike anything that was published

before or has been published since.

Doug wrote the book that he and Linda wish they had when they were

recovering from Doug¡¯s affair. As a betrayed spouse Linda searched high

and low for any information that she could find that would help ease the

pain and save her marriage.

Doug wrote a cheater¡¯s guide that helped a couple journey from unending

pain towards healing and this guide has been priceless for EAJ readers.

Why?

After infidelity is discovered, it is the victim of betrayal that experiences

many sleepless days and nights trying to understand how it could have

happened. They constantly search for the answers to questions like, ¡°What

did I do wrong?¡± Why doesn¡¯t my spouse love me anymore?¡± What¡¯s

wrong with me?¡± ¡°How can I save our marriage?¡±

To this very day, the victim does most of the work of infidelity recovery. It is

not necessarily fair, but it continues to be the case. Affairs are not logical or

fair.

Sometimes wayward spouses do not want to do the work of recovery

because they feel overwhelmed by guilt and shame. Others do not want to

do the work of recovery because they are used to sweeping issues under the

rug. Still other wayward spouses don¡¯t know how to handle conflict OR

repress urges.

This book is a companion book to Doug¡¯s original guide that teaches

cheaters how to help betrayed spouses heal from the affair.

However, this book is about how betrayed spouses can help cheaters heal

from the affair.

You might think justice is served if you help your wayward spouse fix his or

her problems. You are right; justice is not served. But this book is not about

Healing from an Affair

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justice ¨C it¡¯s about how each spouse within a marriage can do their part in

healing from an affair.

This guide is about helping betrayed spouse¡¯s not take an affair personally;

it¡¯s about how to speak with a wayward spouse in a way that reduces

conflict, and this book is best read side-by-side with Doug¡¯s original guide.

While Doug¡¯s book addresses how a wayward spouse can make recovery

smoother for a betrayed spouse, this book is about how to make recovery

smoother for both you (the betrayed spouse) and for the wayward spouse.

This book¡¯s goal is to create a ¡°meeting of the minds¡± between you (the

betrayed) and your wayward spouse. With Doug¡¯s book and this book, you

will have the chance to access both perspectives and get to the truth of the

matter.

This book takes aim at the exact things that each spouse needs to do to

understand the other. Best wishes!

Sarah P.

Healing from an Affair

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