UNIT THREE: COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS



UNIT THREE: COUPLE RELATIONSHIPSChapter 6:Pairing UpAssignment #1The History of MarriageRead ‘History of Marriage pages. 170 - 178.Marriage Terminology Use the text and resources to fill in the following chart (recreate this chart on your own paper).Term or PhraseHistorical SignificanceExample(s) polygyny2.polyandry3.betrothal4.bride price5.dowry6.dower rights7.bann8.patrilineal9.matrilineal10.marriage à la fa?on du pays11.les filles du roi12.Protestant ReformationLook at each of the following historical periods from pages 172-177 and write a brief description of the marriage traditionAncient Hebrew marriageAncient Roman marriageMiddle agesMarriage in the Protestant ReformationFirst Nations marriageMarriage in Canada after European ContactMarriage in 19th-century CanadaMarriage in 20th-century CanadaAssignment #2Contemporary Marriage and Couple RelationshipsRead ‘The Purpose of Marriage” pages. 179 - 187.“People choose to marry for personal reasons, not to fill a social role” – write down 3 points that immediately come to mind when reflecting on this statement.Create a T-chart that outlines personal and social reasons for marriage.Reasons for Marriage Personal SocialAnswer the following questions with your own personal opinions:Is marriage still popular?Who can get married?When do people get married?What role does money play in marriage?Look at the chart on page 185 and answer the following questions:How has the ration of married to common-law opposite –sex couples changed?What is the trend for same-sex couples?Look at the chart on page 186 and answer the following questions:Summarize the changes in the age at first marriage for men and for women.How is the age difference between men and women at first marriage changed?Suggest why the age at first marriage climbed slightly in 1941.Suggest why the age at first marriage declined from 1941 to 1971.Read over pages 180-184 and provide an explanation of how each theoretical perspective would explain marriage. (you can answer using a chart similar to the one below)Theoretical PerspectiveWhy People MarryExchange TheorySymbolic InteractionismLife-Course PerspectiveFunctionalismRead “Cohabitation and Same-Sex Couples” pages. 188 - 193.Cohabitation:?a.k.a. Common-law relationship?Most common choice of Canadians for first conjugal relationship?Testing a relationship before commitment?After 3 years of cohabitation, couple must accept mutual responsibility for support and protection?marriage is down because cohabitation has risenCohabitation Statistics?Fewer cohabiting couples are getting married ?Common-law couples are more likely to separate than married couples?Couples who marry after cohabiting are 2X more likely to divorceReasons ?Less commitment = less effort?Less commitment of family = don’t know how to resolve problems?Problems that were seen in common-law continue in marriage that results in DivorceAssignment #3Look at the charts and statistical finds on cohabitation and answer the questions that follow each chart.Figure 6-19 (common-law couples in Quebec) – Page 189Figure 6-20 (how marriage would change their) – Page 191Figure 6-21 (reasons for and against cohabitation) – Page 192Does cohabitation have the same status as marriage, or is it an alternative relationship for those couples who want none of the legal rights or responsibilities of marriage?Same-Sex CouplesLegalized in Canada in 2005 by the “Civil Marriage Act”Argument: “People choose to cohabit and/or marry based on romantic attraction, not because of traditional responsibilities or religious beliefs”Re-examine the purpose of marriage and the role of couple relationships on othersSame-sex marriage provides the SAME protection to partners and their children as does heterosexual marriage Assignment #4The Future of Couple RelationshipsRead “The Future of Couple Relationships” pages. 193 - 195.Read the Case Study – Sarah Gets Married – pages 194 – 195 and answer the following questions:What factors affected Sarah’s choice not to marry earlier?What reasons explain why Sarah and Ian married when they did?Speculate on the likelihood that this example of the marriage process will become the norm in Canada. Create a collage of a collection of pictures of couples from various media sources, such as television, movies, music videos, sports, novels etc. Your collage should be presented on a 8.5 by 11 piece of paper.Chapter 7:Becoming a CoupleAttraction, Male Selection and RomanceRead “Theories of Attraction and Mate Selection” pages. 200 - 209.Marriage in CanadaMost marriages in Canada are a result of free-choice mate selection where people are attracted to one another, fall in love, and make the decision to marryThere are several theories that can be used to explain the attraction between individuals and the unconscious choices people make when they choose a spouse or partnerEvolutionary PsychologyEvolutionary psychology, a branch of anthropology, explains that sexual attraction can be traced to our prehistoric ancestorsStrategies that help individuals compete for limited resources to survive, reproduce, and raise children are called adaptive behavioursThese adaptive behaviours gave individuals an evolutionary advantage that allowed them to pass on their genes and culture to the next generationDid we inherit the habits of our ancestors?Evolutionary psychologists studied evidence collected from around the world and have determined that adaptive behaviours helped ensure the birth and survival of offspringWomen chose mates who had resources and who therefore could be good providersMen chose mates who could bear and feed childrenSexual Attraction TodayStudies reveal that individuals are still attracted to the person that can help them raise the most successful children:Men: attracted to physically appealing, younger women (implies fertility)Women: attracted to older, financially secure men (implies a good provider)However, in all cultures, “men and women wanted mates who were intelligent, kind, understanding, dependable, and healthy” (Buss, 2007)Social HomogamyExplains that individuals are attracted to people from similar social and cultural backgroundsOften ensures common social, cultural, and economic values and lifestylesResearch has shown a high correlation between age, race, ethnic background, religion, socio-economic status, and political views (Buss, 1994, 2007)Social homogamy can also be used to explain the attraction between two people who are from different ethnic backgrounds but are born or socialized in the same socio-economic environmentIdeal Mate TheoryThis theory states that attraction is based on an individual’s unconscious image of the “ideal mate”It is founded on the symbolic interactionist perspective because a person’s image of the ideal mate is formed from their perceptions of the physical, cultural, and socio-economic factors they valueLove at first sight?Ideal mate theory supports the concept of love at first sight because everyone has an unconscious ideal of what is attractive and lovable in a mateOur perceptions of what is attractive are formed from both good and bad experiences we have with other people, our family, and even media personalities we are familiar with Exchange TheoryStates that attraction is based on what people are really like, rather than on what is idealIt explains how individuals are attracted to different people, that is, we do not all search for the same “ideal mate” Tries to answer the question: What do they see in each other?What do they see in each other?Exchange theory suggests that individuals assess their resources—what they have to offer in a relationship: physical attractiveness, educational attainment, wealth, social status, or specialized interests—and look for the best possible mate who will be attracted by these resources (Small, 1995)This means that sometimes an attractive but shy person might attract an outgoing, less physically attractive mateAssignment #1Look at the chart on page 209 and answer the following questions:Honesty is also related to trust and faithfulness. why would honesty be so important for a stable and enduring relationship?Why do you think love appears so far down this list?427355027813000List and explain the characteristics you would want in a partner that do not appear on the list.Individuals seek partners who are attractive to them but who also appear to come from similar backgrounds. What challenges might couples from different backgrounds face in their relationships?Mate-Selection TheoriesProvide a summary of the main points of each mate-selection theory. Recreate a chart similar to the one below to complete this question.TheoryMain PointsExamples of RelationshipsEvolutionary PsychologySocial HomogamyIdeal Mate TheorySocial ExchangeConflict/ Feminist TheoryMarket ExperienceRomantic Love and CourtshipRead “Romantic Love” pages. 210 - 221.Romantic Love426275511684000Both men & women desire love & commitment According to Sternberg, romantic love has three “faces”: Passion – a strong feeling of sexual desire for another, develops the fastest Intimacy – intense friendship develops more slowly, as the individual shares himself or herself with another Commitment – maintaining the relationship while it grow & offering rewards The love triangle includes all three faces – each representing a side, but some sides grow at different rates & the nature of romantic love changes with time. Evolutionary perspective of Romantic Love is: Love is advantageous: passion draws individuals together with a desire to reproduce, but the intimacy & commitment that follow allow them to maintain their relationship over the long term, to support each other & to culture & raise childrenCourtshipWhat sorts of activities do couples go through that could be called a courtship ritual? Individuals are allowed to win each other’s affection Courtship rituals in all societies Men display their resources to prove they have the potential to be good providers Women display the qualities that make them desirable & nurturing The Cultural Diversity of CourtshipWhile the date is fairly casual in most European cultures, in many traditional societies, courtship is a highly structured activity, with very specific formal rules. In some societies, the parents or community propose potential partners, and then allow limited dating to determine whether the parties are suited. Arranged Marriagesperson is influenced very consciously by parents, friends, culture, religion etc Social Exchange theory - the relative social values of the boy and girl are negotiated by the family in past years, the dowry was negotiated by the family2216155270500Free-Choice Marriagesperson influenced very unconsciously by parents, friends, culture, religion etc The Evolution of CourtshipIn more closed societies, courtship is virtually eliminated altogether by the practice of arranged marriages, where partners are chosen for young people, typically by their parents. Forbidding experimental and serial courtship and sanctioning only arranged matches is partly a means of guarding the chastity of young people and partly a matter of furthering family interests, which in such cultures may be considered more important than individual romantic preferences. Over recent decades though, the concept of arranged marriage has changed or simply been mixed with other forms of dating, including Eastern and Indian ones; potential couples have the opportunity to meet and date each other before one decides on whether to continue the relationship or not. Modern DatingIn earlier centuries, when marriage was an expectation rather than an option, young adults were expected to court with the intention of finding a marriage partner, rather than for social reasons. However, by the Jazz Age of the 1920's, dating for fun was becoming an expectation, and by the 1930's, it was assumed that any popular young person would have lots of dates. This form of dating, though, was usually more chaste than is seen today, since pre-marital sex was not considered the norm. After the sexual revolution of the 1960's and 1970's, this "old-fashioned" form of dating waned in popularity. Couples became more likely to "hook up" or "hang out" with large groups than to go on an old-fashioned date, and frequently went from "hanging out" to an exclusive relationship without engaging in what their parents or grandparents might have called dating.20th Century CourtshipIn Canada, during the 20th century, courtship evolved into the informal social invention of datingEarly in the century, young people met at church or community events and went out together to socials in groupsBy the 1920s, men began to take the initiative by asking women out and by organizing and paying for the activitySince women could accept or reject the invitations, the choice of activity and the amount of money spent indicated to them the social and economic resources the men had to offerIn the 1930s, “going steady” meant a couple had an exclusive relationship but were not necessarily discussing marriageAs a result of the consumer society and the growing affluence of young people in the 1950s and 1960s, couples were able to spend money on entertaining recreational activities and dating became an opportunity to spend time together for pleasure and romanceTeenagers began dating earlier and it became a common recreation during later adolescencesBy the 1950s the Western ideal was that dating would lead to falling love and becoming a coupleThere was less awareness that it was a process of choosing a suitable marriage partner21st Century CourtshipMany young couples no longer date in the formalized way of their parents’ generationThe use of expressions such as “hooking up” or “seeing someone” to describe a relationship suggests a more casual approach to forming a couple relationshipSome couples consider cohabitation to be part of the mate-selection process, while others feel that cohabitation is an alternative to marriageThere appears to have been a shift from competing to win someone’s affection to being selective about what the other has to offer for the type of relationship desiredMany individuals who are ready to marry find that their field of eligible partners that have not already been rejected may be quite limited447929010604500It is becoming more common for individuals to initiate some kind of arrangement and enlist the help of others to find potential partners for them - Ex. Matchmakers & online datingSpeed DatingWrite down 10 questions you would ask someone on the first date.You will have about 5 minutes for each “date”When the lights dim, rate how compatible you think you are with your date. 1=not compatible, 10=very compatibleMove onto your next “date”Assignments #2Venn Diagram—Friendship or Romantic LoveCompare the similarities and differences between relationships that are based on friendship and those that are based on romantic love, using the Venn diagram below.7232651397000Choose a love song that you like and create a presentation that answers the following questions. You may use Power Point or Prezi to complete this assignment. Check out this example: the following in your presentation:who is the artist – include a short biographyWhy did you pick this song?How does it speak to you?What are the social expectations on the relationship in the song?Include the psychological importanceHow does it fit with Robert’s Triangle Theory? (page 210)Diagnostic Quiz on Arranged Marriage (answer true or false for each statement)1.Cultures that accept arranged marriage as a mating practice feel that only experienced individuals should be involved in selecting a loved one’s spouse.TrueFalse2.Extended families rarely have much input in the selection of a mate for an arranged marriage.TrueFalse3.Arranged marriage is often seen as an alliance between families.TrueFalse4.There is a greater value placed on family obligation in an arranged marriage than on falling in love.TrueFalse5.More divorces result from arranged marriages than from free-choice marriages.TrueFalse6.Some religions teach it is the parents’ sacred duty to ensure their children have good marriages.TrueFalse7.Arranged marriages are based on shared traits and values.TrueFalse8.Children do not have to approve of the mate their parents pick for them.TrueFalse9.Arranged marriages are more durable because parents make wiser choices than their children would.TrueFalse10.There are more conflicts between the spouses in arranged marriages due to child rearing and financial issues. TrueFalse11.Love must develop between the couple before an arranged marriage takes place.TrueFalse12.In an arranged marriage, there is the expectation that your parents or extended family has found your “soulmate.”TrueFalse13.Individuals in arranged marriages are more satisfied with their marriage over time than individuals in free-choice marriages.TrueFalse248158078930500Arrange marriage and courtship rituals are intended to suppress sexual activity until the couple is married, or at least in love. today, the majority of Canadians still believe that it is desirable to be in love with someone before you have sex (Bibby, 2004) Why do you think there are now and always have been, pregnant brides, despite the accepted that you should only have children after your are married?Cohabitation Fails the Test.Look at the following chart why do you think marriage is still the preferred family setting?3238504762500Source: Statistics Canada. 2006 Census. (Cat. No. 97-554-XCB2006007). Ottawa, 2007. Negotiating Satisfying RelationshipsRead “Negotiating Satisfying Relationships” pages. 221 - 227.Stages of MarriageAlthough early marriages usually live up to people’s expectations at first, many couples become disappointed because marriage gets more difficult during the first 5 yearsThere are 3 predictable stages of a marriage:Relationships are romantic, warm and respectful, focusing on exploration, sexual attraction and the idealization of the partner. Individuals build self-esteem as they try to develop the relationship that suits their life structure.Conflict arises as individuals become more demanding to meet their own needs. This results in instability in the relationship and requires both partners to change their behaviours. Individuals feel let down because the relationship is less rewarding.The key to surviving Stage 2 is to recognize that being honest about one’s own needs develops intimacy within the relationship and enables the partners to develop reciprocal roles to meet the needs of each other and of the relationshipDiscussing with one’s partner how to solve problems reflects mutual interdependence and a commitment to the relationshipCouples compromise and negotiate a relationship that meets their needs as well as possible. The relationship becomes more realistic, mature and stable.Relationships were much improved if they were able to achieve Stage 3At each stage, individuals are transformed as they respond to their partner and adjust to the more flexible roles they play in the maturing relationship. Commitment to the relationship, essential for adjusting the relationship, is less evident in cohabitationAssignment #3Identify and explain the stages in adjusting to marriage.What skills and attitudes do individuals develop at each stage that could lead to companionate relationships?Read “In focus: Matrimony as the Ultimate Adventure” – Page 226-227 and answer the following questions:Why does Timson suggest that the relationship takes priority over the individual?Explain whether you agree with Judith Timson’s viewpoint in this article.Assignment #4Conflict, Influence and Problem SolvingRead “Conflict, Influence and Problem Solving” pages. 228 - 237.Problems during the first five years of marriage were related to three categories? What were they and list the 6 areas within the major categories that people felt were the areas that these problems would occur. (page 229)Read “Research – Study: Why marriages fail” (page 230) and answer the following questions:Based on the results of this study, what advice would you give to someone who wants to have a successful marriage?How might the results differ for cohabiting couples?There are household tasks that neither partner likes to do. How can couples ensure that both partners perceive the division of labour as equal and still get these jobs done?Psychologist Pamela Regan identified several strategies to help manage conflict in relationships – what are they? (page 234)Men and women communicate differently – what is the difference between the way men and women communicate? (page 237)Assignment #5Marriages Made to LastRead “Marriages Made to Last” pages. 237 - 241.According to Martin King Whyte’s study what are the predictors of a successful marriage? (page 237)Read “Case Study: Colleen and Eddie’s Marriage” Pages 240-241 and answer the following questions:What adjustments did Colleen and Eddie have to make, to make their marriage work?How have factors outside their marriage affected their adjustments to marriage?What conflicts might Colleen and Eddie face in the future? What problems might arise from these conflicts?Based on the research on enduring relationships, what advice would you give them for ensuring that their marriage is successful?Chapter 8:Issues in Couple RelationshipsIntermarriage534479514859000Read “Intermarriage” pages. 247 - 251.Intermarriage Intermarriage or heterogamy means marriage between partners who are from different social, racial, religious, ethnic or cultural backgroundsOpposite of homogamyIntermarriage is more common in Canada’s urban communitiesThere are no restrictions on intermarriage in CanadaThe more successful a society becomes at raising children to be “colour blind” and in an environment where diversity and multiculturalism are the norm, the more likely it is that young people will meet, be attracted to and fall in love with someone from a different backgroundThe differences, if there are any, between individuals of different races, religions, or ethnic backgrounds exist in their personal family livesInterracial Couples49155356794500Interracial marriages are the most visible form of intermarriageCanadian couples in interracial unions are more likely to be cohabiting rather than marriedInterracial couples adjust to marriage as well as any couple doesThe major challenge of interracial marriage is raising a biracial child, because it requires that the couple must first reflect on the role that race plays in determining their own identities491553511684000Interfaith CouplesFaith, unlike race, is a chosen attribute, as it is possible to convert to another faithPartners in interfaith relationships may have a similar economic and educational background, but their family and cultural experiences might have been quite differentCouples who respect each other and are willing to compromise can find ways to share their livesHowever, individuals from different faith backgrounds have to choose whether to compromise some of their beliefs and customs or to accept their spouse’s beliefs and customs as well as their ownThe couple must also decide what faith identity to provide for their childrenInterfaith marriages are more likely to succeed if at least one partner does not practice their religion or is willing to convertInterethnic CouplesMarriage between individuals of different ethnic backgrounds is perhaps the most complex form of heterogamyEthnicity can be a complex mixture of national and racial heritage, religion and cultureIn Canada, where many people are “hyphenated Canadians” or have 2 cultures, self-identification as a member of an ethnic group suggests that an individual adheres to the specific value system, family structure and role expectations that are associated with that ethnic groupThe major variations among ethnic groups involve gender roles within marriage and in the workplace, the independence and responsibilities of children and the relationship between the conjugal and extended familyEach of these affects how a couple will negotiate their relationship at each stageAssignment #1Look at Figure 8-2 on page 247 and answer the following questions:What percentage of all couples are in mixed unions?Suggest two alternate reason for the higher rate of mixed unions among those aged 30 to 39 and those age 50 and over.Look at Figure 8-4 on page 250 and answer the following questions:What is the trend in interfaith unions in Canada?What religious groups are most likely to be in an interfaith union?What religious groups are least likely to be in an interfaith union?InfidelityRead “Infidelity” pages. 253 - 258. IntermarriageInfidelity (Cheating)Infidelity a.k.a. extramarital sexual relationship, is considered an unacceptable behaviour in Canadian societyBeing loyal to your spouse is extremely important as it shows commitment Infidelity breaks trust and respect and is the major cause of divorceInfidelity is selfish and self-gratifyingNorms and Attitudes of InfidelityCanadian society does NOT approve of infidelity/affairs and finds it “morally unacceptable”The behaviour of men and women differs when it comes to cheatingMen are more likely to have an extramarital relationship that is sexualWomen are more likely to have an extramarital relationship that is emotionalFacts? of men and women consider extramarital sex wrong under any circumstances23% of men and 12% of women have admitted to having an affair when married (Wiederman, 1999)Theories of InfidelityWhy do people cheat?Evolutionary PsychologyHistoric views which explain that men are motivated by having many sexual partners to enhance their chance of having offspring, and women are selective about their sexual partner to improve chances of a supporting partnerTheory of Propinquity(nearness)People in relationships can be tempted to be unfaithful by being near someone else they are attracted to on a regular basis, such as at work3.Alternate Theory explains infidelity is the cause of unmet needs in a marriage-The need to feel attractive or to feel young-Partners must develop effective strategies for meeting their mutual needs to avoid infidelityConsequences of InfidelityInfidelity results in divorce 65% of the timeCounselling is an option that can help couples recover from an affair and helps negotiate a better relationshipFew marriages recover from infidelity because it destroys trustOne partner feels betrayed and humiliatedVery few people actually marry their extramarital loverSpousal ViolenceRead “Spousal Violence” pages. 258 - 267.Spousal ViolenceViolence from one spouse to the other that causes physical, psychological, or sexual harmBefore 1970, spousal violence was considered an acceptable form of disciplineAfter 1970, spousal violence was legally defined as assault under the Criminal Code and individuals began being chargedSpousal Violence as Learned BehaviourThe intergenerational cycle of violence supports the idea that violence is learned.Individuals who experienced violence or abuse as a child, or who observed abuse of their mothers, are more likely to become victims or perpetrators of violence in their intimate relationshipsParents are role models for their children and by observing them, similar behaviour will be imitatedIf violence is learned behaviour, the cycle of violence can be unlearnedSolutions include counselling for both victims and perpetratorsCounselling will teach anger management, communication, and conflict-resolution skills45275508128000The cycle of ViolenceA repetitive cycle of three stages that describes spousal violenceTension building phaseAbusive incidentState of calm & penance after the incidentCycle of Violence – PhasesTension building phaseThe victim attempts to maintain equilibrium by carefully complying with their partner’s demands. As tension builds with stress or conflict, the victim justifies minor violent outbursts and often accepts responsibility for them.Abusive IncidentOne or more serious assaults occur, triggered by an event that is usually unpredictable. The victim might seek help, but is more likely to conceal the fact that they were assaulted. The cycle is repeated and the victim responds with anger that their partner has broken a promise or responds with relief that the incident isn’t as bad as they thought it would be.Calm & PenanceThe perpetrator becomes remorseful and apologetic and attempts to make up for the violence by affectionate or romantic acts, and promises to never do it again. The victim tends to withdraw their threat to leave.Types of Spousal AbuseHow many types of spousal violence exist?PhysicalSexualEmotionalVerbalEconomicPhysical:Abuse involving contact intended to cause pain, injury, or other physical suffering or bodily harm. Example: hitting, slapping, punching, choking, pushing, stabbingSexual:Forcing or threatening a victim to participate in unwanted sexual activity. Example: Forcing a person to engage in sex, against their will, in an act of aggression and/or violence (rape)Emotional:Also called psychological abuse or mental abuse, can include humiliating the victim privately or publicly, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished, isolating the victim from friends and family, and blackmailing the victim.Verbal:A form of emotionally abusive behaviour involving the use of profanity in an aggressive manner.Example: name-calling, blaming, ridicule, disrespect, and criticismEconomic:A form of abuse when one partner has control over the other partner's access to economic resources. Example: preventing a spouse from resource acquisition, limiting the amount of resources to use by the victim, or by exploiting economic resources of the victim.Assignment #2Why might the victim stay in the relationship after the acute battering or abusive phase?What could be done to break the cycle of violence?Read “Point of View – page 264-265and answer the following questions:What evidence is presented for the case against Mr. Blair?Battered-wife syndrome refers to the behaviour of women in the cycle of violence. Based on the facts provided, was there a cycle of violence?Explain whether you think it is important that neighbours or outside parties are able to report possible abuse to authorities.Assignment #345021509144000DivorceRead pages 267-273 and answer the following questions:What is divorce? (page 267)Who does divorce affect? (page 267)What are the top five reasons for marital break-up? (page 270)What are the three phases to adjustment to divorce? (pages 270 – 271)What are the economic effects of divorce? (Page 273)Read the article on pages 272-273 and answer the following questions:Why does divorce cause disruptions in friendships?How do recently divorced people form new relationships?Read the article on pages 274-275 and answer the following questions:What factors in Peter’s and Jackie’s family backgrounds increased their risk of divorce?Why do you think Jackie married Peter?Identify the causes of Jackie’s infidelity?Why did Mary not want to marry Peter and what problems do you think this caused in their relationship? ................
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