INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION



INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION—COM 104

JR Steele

HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS

Select one assignment for each chapter.

With acknowledgements to DR. KATHERINE NELSON,

who prepared the base of most of these assignments and Dr. James Lange for additional input.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Homework #1: Communicating in Your Relationships 1

Homework #2: Personality Test 1

Homework #3a: Sizing Up Others 1

Homework #3b: Checking Perceptions 2

Homework #4: Using I-language 2

Homework #5a: Communicating Closeness 3

Homework #5b: Artifacts and Identity 3

Homework #5c: What Does Your Space Say? 4

Homework #6: Identifying Your Ineffective Listening 4

Homework #7: Framing and Feeling Rules 5

Homework #8a: Applying Relational Dialectics 5

Homework #8b: Johari Window and Self-Disclosure 6

Homework #9a: Understanding Your Conflict Script 6

Homework #9b: Identifying Games in Your Communication 7

Homework #9c: Responses to Conflict 7

Homework #9d: Conflict Management Skills 7

Homework #10: Friendships and Gender Patterns 8

Homework #11a: Stages of Romance 8

Homework #11b: Long Distance Romance 8

Homework #11c: Relationship Resumes 9

Required: Relationship Collage 9

Homework #1: Communicating in Your Relationship

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 1, p. 22

Apply Buber’s theory of communication to your own life by:

● Identifying someone with whom you have each kind of communication:

I-It

I-You

I-Thou

● Describe what needs and values each relationship satisfies.

● How does communication differ in the relationships?

● Why don’t you say in I-It and I-You relationships what you say in I-Thou relationships?

● How do different levels of communication affect the closeness you feel with others?

● Which of these three relationships can be created or sustained via email and chat rooms?

Homework #1: Communicating in Your Relationship

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 2

Learn more about yourself.

Complete the personality assessments referenced below. Do not feel as if you have to limit yourself to these listed -- have fun! The estimated time to complete these is around 45 minutes; however, the Johari/Nohari Window assignment requires outside input so be sure to leave enough time to acquire responses.

When you have completed the quizzes, be sure to write a 1-2 page synopsis identifying 2 goals you can make for yourself from what you have learned in each test. Consider how the information impacts your personal, professional, and academic future. Personality Websites links are as follows:

o The Big Five Personality Test

o Jung (Myers Briggs) Personality Test

o Preferred Learning Styles (Overview)

o Test

o Johari/Nohari Window and

Homework #3a: Sizing Up Others

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 3, p. 80)

To heighten awareness about the role of cognitive schemata when meeting a new person,

respond to the following issues.

● Notice how you classify the person. Do you categorize her or him as a potential friend, date,

co-worker, neighbor, or with some other term?

● Identify the constructs you use to assess the person. Do you focus on physical characteristics (such as attractive-unattractive), mental qualities (such as intelligent-unintelligent), psychological features (such as secure-insecure), or interpersonal qualities (such as friendly-unfriendly)?

● Would different constructs be prominent if you used a different prototype to classify the person?

● How have you stereotyped the person? What do you expect her or him to do based on the prototype and constructs you’ve applied?

● Identify your script, or how you expect interaction to unfold between you.

Homework #3b: Checking Perceptions

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 3, p. 91)

Gaining skill in perception checking (indeed, in all communication behaviors), requires practice.

Follow the instructions below, and then write about your findings.

● Monitor your tendencies to mind-read, especially in established relationships in which you feel you know the other person well.

● The next time you catch yourself mind-reading, stop. Instead, tell the other person what you are noticing and invite her or him to explain how she or he perceives what’s happening. First, find out whether the other person agrees with you about what you noticed. Second, if the two of you agree, find out how the other person interprets and evaluates the issue.

● Engage in perception checking for two or three days so that you have lots of chances to see what happens. When you’re done, reflect on the number of times your mind-reading was inaccurate.

● How did perception checking affect interaction with friends, co-workers, romantic partners, family members, etc? Did you find out things you wouldn’t have known if you’d engaged in mind-reading?

Homework #4: Using I-language

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 4, p. 122)

To apply the knowledge about You-language versus I-language, for the next three days, whenever you use You-language, try to rephrase what you said or thought into I-language.

● How does this change how you think and feel about what’s happening?

● How does using I-language affect interactions with others?

● Are others less defensive when you take ownership of your feelings and describe, rather than evaluating their behaviors?

● Does I-language facilitate working out constructive changes?

Now, monitor how you feel when others use You-language about you.

● When a friend or romantic partner says, “You make me feel…” do you feel defensive or guilty?

● What happens when you try teaching others to use I-language to develop relational honesty and openness?

Homework #5a: Communicating Closeness

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 5, p. 138)

To become more aware of nonverbal cues of intimacy, watch a television show that features interaction between characters and keep a record of characters’ kinesic communication.

● How close to each other do characters who are intimate stand or sit? How close do characters who are antagonistic stand or sit? What is the difference between characters who are just meeting or who have casual relationships?

●What patterns of eye contact do you notice between characters who are intimates, enemies, and casual acquaintances? How often do they look at each other? How long is eye gaze maintained in each type of relationship?

●What facial expressions signal characters who do and don’t like each other? How often do they smile or stare?

●What do your observations reveal about kinesics and relationship-level meanings?

Homework #5b: Artifacts and Identity

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 5, p. 142

To heighten awareness of how childhood artifacts contributed to your gender identity, respond to the following questions.

● What kinds of toys did your parents give you? Did they ever discourage you from playing with particular kinds of toys? Did you ask for toys that aren’t ones society prescribes for your gender (e.g., boys asking for dolls, girls for train sets)?

● Now, think about the clothing your parents gave you. If you’re a woman, did your parents expect you to wear frilly dresses and stay clean? If you’re a man, did your parents give you clothes meant for rough play and getting dirty?

● Do you have artifacts that reflect your ethnic identity? What objects are part of your celebrations and/or spiritual observances? Do you have any jewelry or clothes that reflect your ethnic heritage?

Homework #5c: What Does Your Space Say?

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 5, p. 145

To heighten awareness of how the arrangement of space affects interactions and reveals status, respond to the following questions.

● Survey your room or apartment. Is furniture arranged to promote or discourage interaction? How much space is common and how much is reserved for individuals? Is space divided evenly between you and your roommate(s), or do some people have more space than others?

● Now think about the home(s) where you grew up. How was the space arranged there? Was there a living room or family room? If so, was furniture set up to invite interaction? Was there a lot, a little, or a moderate amount of common space?

● Next think about a place where you work or have worked in the past. How was space arranged in the workplace? Who had more and less space? What had spaces where doors could be closed to ensure privacy?

● How do spatial arrangements in the home(s) where you were raised, in your current living quarters, and in your workplace regulate interaction and reflect the styles and status of people who occupy those spaces?

Homework #6: Identifying Your Ineffective Listening

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 6, p. 171

Apply the material in the text by identifying times when you and others have listened ineffectively.

● Describe a situation in which you pseudo-listened.

● Describe an instance in which you monopolized communication.

● Describe a time when you listened defensively.

● Describe an example of ambushing someone else.

● Describe an instance when you listened selectively.

● Describe a time when you listened literally.

Homework #7: Framing and Feeling Rules

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 7, pp. 188-9 (Manual p. 112)

To identify and explore the framing and feeling rules applied within one’s family of origin, respond to the issues below.

● Describe the framing and feeling rules that operated in your family of origin.

● Explain when you were allowed to feel certain emotions (looking for specific instances in which you were taught you should, or should not, feel particular emotions).

● Explain which emotions were expected in specific situation (again, looking for details of what was experienced).

● Discuss whether these rules continue to operate now and whether you are content with them.

Homework #8a: Applying Relational Dialectics

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 8, p. 218

To learn how relational dialectics operate in your life, selects three of your relationships:

a very close friendship

a current or past romantic relationship

an on-the-job relationship.

For each relationship, answer the questions below:

● How are needs for autonomy expressed and satisfied?

● How are needs for connection expressed and met?

● How are needs for novelty expressed and met?

● How are needs for predictability expressed and met?

● How are needs for openness expressed and satisfied?

● How are needs for closedness expressed and met?

● Now, explain how you manage the tension between opposing needs in each dialectic. That is, when do you rely on neutralization, selection, separation, and reframing?

● Finally, identify how satisfied you are with your responses in managing the tensions between

opposing needs.

Homework #8b: Johari Window and Self-Disclosure

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 8, p. 231 (Manual p. 119)

● This assignment demonstrates differences across relationships, depending on self-disclosure patterns. You will draw three Johari windows, and then answer the questions below.

● Create and label a Johari Window for yourself in relation to someone you’ve met in the last two weeks. (NOTE: window pane sizes change with amount of disclosure)

● Create and label a Johari Window for yourself in relation to someone you’ve known for one to three years

● Create and label a Johari Window for yourself in relation to someone you’ve known for more than three years and to whom you feel extremely close.

● Now, compare and contrast the kind of content of your communications that switches panes as the relationships become closer and longer in duration.

● Frequently, there is more information shared in the “open” window for relationships where people have known each other longer. This happens even though the amount of self-disclosure tend to be greater in the early phases of relationships. Is this what has happened in your three relationships? Why or why not?

Homework #9a: Understanding Your Conflict Script

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 9, p. 243

To become conscious of your conflict script, identify the conflict script(s) you learned in your family. Think back to your childhood and adolescence and write about what implicit rules for conflict your family modeled and perhaps taught. Address the following issues:

● Did people disagree openly with each other?

● What was said when disagreements surfaced? Did your parents suggest that it was rude to argue? Did they encourage open discussion of differences?

● What happened if disagreements were spoken about directly? Was the conflict resolved? What was the climate in the family like after the conflict?

● How do you currently reflect your family’s conflict script?

● Now that you can edit family scripts and author your own, how would you like to deal with conflict?

Homework #9b: Identifying Games in Your Communication

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 9, p. 244

To apply what you’ve read about covert conflict to your own life, describe an example of when you or someone with whom you have had a relationship played each of the games identified below.

● Blemish

● NIGYYSOB

● Mine is Worse Than Yours

● Yes, but

● Describe what was accomplished by playing each game.

● Discuss, in each situation, whether the real conflicts were addressed.

Homework #9c: Responses to Conflict

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 9, pp. 251-253 (Manual p. 132)

● To become more conscious of your responses to conflict, reflect on your responses to past conflict in terms of the exit-voice-loyalty-neglect model discussed in the text (beginning on page 251) and respond to the issues below.

● Explore how often and why you use each response style in your friendships and romantic relationship.

● Identify which style you use the least, and why.

● Analyze the results of the way(s) you respond conflict.

Homework #9d: Conflict Management Skills

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 9, pp. 258-264 (Manual p. 132)

To explore your experiences with constructive conflict resoultuion:

● Describe a situation in which you had a conflict with a close friend or romantic partner.

● Analyze what happened by discussing how your behavior and your partner’s followed or violated the principles for effective conflict discussed in your text in the section entitled “Conflict Management Skills” (starts on p. 258).

● If behaviors initially violated the principles, describe who initiated using the more effective skills and how the conflict was eventually worked out.

Homework #10: Friendships and Gender Patterns

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 10, pp. 269-276 (Manual pp. 141-142)

To analyze the extent to which your friendships conform to gender patterns, respond to each of the issues, below.

● Describe a friendship you have with a member of your gender. Analyze the extent to which it conforms to the gender patterns described in the text.

● Describe a friendship you have with a member of the other gender. Analyze the extent to which it conforms to the gender patterns described in the text.

Homework #11a: Stages of Romance

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 11, pp. 301-304 (Manual p. 152)

To determine whether you have followed the stages of romance outlined in your text, respond to the issues below.

● Describe a current or past romantic relationship in terms of the 11 stages of romance discussed in your text (starts on p. 300)

● Analyze the extent to which your relationship followed or deviated from the typical pattern.

● If your relationship did not follow the “standard” pattern, explain why you think it did not.

Homework #11b: Long Distance Romance

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 11, pp 318-319 (Manual, p. 152)

To analyze the communication in your long-distance relationship, respond to the following:

● How does your communication differ from when you and your partner were geographically close?

● Possible relevant issues include unequal effort in sustaining the connection, unrealistic expectations for time together, lack of sharing small events, an ability to concentrate more fully on other priorities, greater intensity of feelings when physically co-present, etc.

Homework #11c: Relationship Resumes

Everyday Application of the Text: Chapter 11, (Manual, p. 149)

NOTE: When we apply for jobs, we create resumes that list our past accomplishments and credentials for why we would make a good candidate for a particular position. Consider what would happen if we had to do the same for our romantic relationships.

To explore the implications, advantages, and disadvantages of using a resume to choose a romantic partner, respond to each of the following issues:

● Explore the implications of such an approach. For example, what if you used previous romantic partners as references; should relationships be organized in chronological or reverse chronological order; what relational skills did you cultivate in each relationship; did you ever “intern” in a romantic relationship (for experience) prior to applying for a “full time” position, etc.

● Discuss the advantages of such an approach. For example, would you take relationships more seriously because you’d need recommendations from previous relational partners; would you develop a better sense of the prospective partner’s history in relationships, etc.

● Discuss the disadvantages of such an approach. For example, would using resumes lead to over-rationalizing relationships; would you become involved in relationships just to build up a portfolio of experience and skills that could be applied to getting “promoted” to a more desirable partner; would information from one relationship that is confidential be violating issues of privacy and confidentiality if you included it on a resume, etc.

Required: Relationship Collage

● You will create a collage (made from photos, newspaper/magazine clippings, ribbons won for accomplishments, etc.) that is a reflection of ONE relationship you are having or have had. The ONE relationship may be with a relative, a friend, or a significant other. Please ensure the collage is about only one relationship and involves another human. The collage must fill up a piece of paper at least 17 x 22 (i.e., two pieces of 8.5 x 11 paper).

● Be sure you are fulfilling my expectation of "collage." A collage is normally created on a large piece of paper (e.g., construction paper). Pasting two pages of a magazine ad to notebook paper and/or bringing in a photo album will not fulfill the assignment's requirements. If you have any questions, please ask. I reserve the right to NOT assign credit for this assignment. These collages will be shared (i.e., shown and discussed with your classmates).

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