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RELATIONSHIPS Date: October 31, 2012 AgendaArrival and Sign in Intro to relationships Healthy vs. Unhealthy relationships Brainstorming activity “Healthy or unhealthy?” Activity/roleplayAbusive relationships Song activity Wrap up If time: Myth/Fact activity Knowledge and Skills Identify characteristics of a healthy and unhealthy relationship Show understanding of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships through scenario identification and/or role-play Learn the facts about teen dating violence, and how to refer peers to the correct resources Identify signs of an abusive relationship Understand the role of communication in a relationship Practice communication skills Introduction to RelationshipsRelationships come in all forms, and does not necessarily mean a “romantic” connection. It means any sort of connection you have with a person – you have relationships with your family, friends, teachers, coaches, and more. What is important to you in a relationship? Individual activity: think about what you value in a relationship, and write a list of these characteristics on your paper. Think about all types of relationships (not just romantic). After a few minutes come back together as a group, and share what you want. (Tip: if you are having trouble, think about specific people with whom you have relationships, such as parents, friends, or significant others. Think about what you like about the relationship, and what you do not like. This may help to see what you value.) Materials needed: Paper for each student, pens III. HEALTHY VS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPSActivity: brainstorm in a large group the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Ask for volunteer scribes or write on a large sheet of paper. Materials needed: 2 large sheets of paper or whiteboard and markersHealthy Relationship Communicate needs, wants, and limits respectfully; Intimacy; Commitment; Passion; Communication; Trust; Respect and appreciation; Caring; Self-acceptance; Shared values/interests; Address conflict effectively; Support; Ability to be vulnerable…Unhealthy Relationship Pressure (ex. to have sex early in the relationship); Verbal putdowns; Jealousy; Possessive (keep you from spending time with other friends and family; Disrespect; Distrustful; Humiliation; Clingy; Controlling; Manipulation (threaten to hurt you or themselves if you leave them); Threats; Economic control; Physical harm…When talking about high school, what are some reasons that people want to be in a romantic relationship? (think about all reasons, not just your own) Activity: Scenarios – healthy or unhealthy? Print scenario slips (see end of document), have students read aloud and categorize as healthy or unhealthy. These scenarios are all unhealthy, discuss what makes them so. Role-playing: given the scenario, create a short skit that clearly displays a healthy or unhealthy response. See role-play cards below. Activity: Relationships in songs – healthy or unhealthy?Eminem and Rihanna – Love the way you lie Verse 2You ever love somebody so much you can barely breatheWhen you're with 'emYou meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'emGot that warm fuzzy feelingYeah, them chills you used to get 'emNow you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'emYou swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'emNow you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit themYou push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'emThrow 'em down, pin 'emSo lost in the moments when you're in themIt's the rage that took over it controls you bothSo they say you're best to go your separate waysGuess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterdayYesterday is over, it's a different daySound like broken records playing over but you promised herNext time you show restraintYou don't get another chanceLife is no Nintendo gameBut you lied againNow you get to watch her leave out the windowGuess that's why they call it window "pain"Just gonna stand there and watch me burnBut that's alright because I like the way it hurtsJust gonna stand there and hear me cryBut that's alright because I love the way you lie…Gym Class Heroes – Stereo Heart My heart's a stereoIt beats for you, so listen closeHear my thoughts in every no-o-o-teMake me your radioAnd turn me up when you feel lowThis melody was meant for youJust sing along to my stereoGym Class Heroes baby!If I was just another dusty record on the shelfWould you blow me off and play me like everybody else?If I asked you to scratch my back, could you manage that?Like yea fucked up, check it Travie, I can handle thatFurthermore, I apologize for any skipping tracksIt's just the last girl that played me left a couple cracksI used to, used to, used to, now I'm over that'Cause holding grudges over love is ancient artifactsIf I could only find a note to make you understandI'd sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the handJust keep it stuck inside your head, like your favorite tuneAnd know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you[Chorus:]My heart's a stereoIt beats for you, so listen closeHear my thoughts in every no-o-o-teMake me your radioAnd turn me up when you feel lowThis melody was meant for youJust sing along to my stereoPitbull – Give Me Everything Take advantage of tonightCause tomorrow I'm off to Dubai to perform for a princessBut tonight, I can make you my queenAnd make love to you endlessThis is insane: the way the name growin'Money keep flowin'Hustlers move asideSo, I'm tiptoein', to keep flowin'I got it locked up like Lindsay LohanPut it on my life, baby,I make you feel right, babyCan't promise tomorrowBut, I promise tonightDarling[Pre-Chorus: Pitbull]Excuse me (Excuse Me)And I might drink a little more than I should tonightAnd I might take you home with me, if I could tonightAnd, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonightCause we might not get tomorrow[Chorus:]Tonight I want all of you tonightGive me everything tonightFor all we know we might not get tomorrowLet's do it tonightDon't care what they sayOr what games they playNothing is enough'Til I have your loveLet's do it tonightI want you tonight, I want you to stayI want you tonightGrab somebody sexy, tell 'em heyGive me everything tonightBruno Mars – Just The Way You Are [Verse 1:]Oh, her eyes, her eyesMake the stars look like they're not shinin'Her hair, her hairFalls perfectly without her tryingShe's so beautifulAnd I tell her everyday (yeahh)I know, I knowWhen I compliment her she won't believe meAnd it's so, it's soSad to think that she don't see what I seeBut every time she asks me "Do I look okay? " I say [Chorus:]When I see your face (face face...)There's not a thing that I would change'Cause you're amazing (amazing)Just the way you are (are)And when you smile (smile)The whole world stops and stares for a while'Cause girl you're amazing (amazing)Just the way you are (are)HEALTHY OR UNHEALTHY? SCENARIOS I like sports and outdoors. She doesn’t. I’m very high energy and like to try new things, but she never seems to want to try anything. We mostly watch movies when we’re together. But, she’s hot. It’ll work out, we’ve got chemistry. Sex means a lot to her, she’s probably thinking it means we’ll be together forever. My values on sex? Well, why not get what you can whenever you can? My boyfriend’s got a lot of problems. I don’t like his friends and some of the stuff he’s into. But, he’s gorgeous and I think I can change him. I broke up with him. It just didn’t feel right. I always had to pretend I was someone I’m not. I am not going to change who I am just to keep his attention. I told my girlfriend to shut up in front of my friends and then shoved her pretty hard. I was mad, but later in private I told her I was sorry. I’ve got a bad temper; she should know not to push me. He keeps cheating on me, but always comes back and says he’s sorry. But he’s got a great body. I’m lucky to have him. I guess I have to put up with it if I want to keep him. (from ) ROLEPLAY CARDS – FOR PARTNERS You have 2 tickets to go see your favorite band but your date wants to go to the homecoming dance. What do you do?Your date accidentally made plans to hang out with you and his/her sister on the same night. What do you do?Your bf/gf texts you, asking you to send a “sexy pic”. What do you do?Your bf/gf starts texting you so much that your friends refer to him/her as the “stalker”. What do you do?Your bf/gf is jealous whenever a boy/girl flirts with you. What do you do?You see a comment on your bf/gf page from a boy/girl saying that your bf/gf’s profile pic is hot. What do you do?Abusive relationships Dating violence occurs between two people in a close relationship. Physical – when a partner is pinched, hit, shoved, kicked, etc. Emotional – threatening a partner or harming his or her sense of self-worth. Examples include name calling, shaming, bullying, embarrassing on purpose, or keeping him/her away from friends and family Sexual – forcing a partner to engage in a sex act when she/he doesn’t or cannot consent Stalking – a pattern of harassing or threatening tactics used by a perpetrator that is both unwanted and causes fear in the victim statistics from Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner/year One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner (this exceeds the rates of other types of youth violence) One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped, or physically hurt by a bf/gf One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse Consequences: Teens who are victims are more likely to be depressed and do poorly in school. They may engage in unhealthy behaviors, like using drugs and alcohol, and are more likely to have eating disorders. Some teens even think about or attempt suicide times more likely to become pregnant, twice as likely to get an STI () Lack of awareness – most people don’t know it is an issue or think that it is not one. Only 1/3 of teens who were in violent relationships ever told anyone about the abuse. Is it abuse? Warning signs. Checking your phone and email without permission; constantly putting you down; extreme jealousy; explosive temper; isolating you; making false accusations; mood swings; possessiveness; telling you what to do; physical harm () Does your friend…Constantly cancel plans for reasons that don't sound true? Always worry about making their boyfriend/girlfriend angry? Give up things that are important? Show signs of physical abuse, like bruises or cuts? Have a boyfriend/girlfriend that wants them to be available all the time? Become isolated from friends or family? If you think a friend might be in an abusive relationship, try taking an indirect approach to help them open up. Here are some suggestions:"You don't seem as happy as usual -- are you okay?" "Is there anything you want to talk about?" But if you think your friend is in serious danger, tell an adult you trust immediately. Do not try to handle the situation on your own.Also think about the way you see relationships portrayed on TVWhat shows do you watch? Tell me about the characters and their relationships. Next time you watch these show or listen to your music think about and see if you can identify aspects of healthy or unhealthy relationships. Activity: Dating myths and reality MYTH: Relationships are easy.REALITY: Not much in life is harder than maintaining a relationship; it takes communication, sacrifice, and a lot of patience to keep a relationship healthy. MYTH: He/ She may not be perfect but you can change him/ her with a little work.REALITY: Real love means accepting your partner in all their perfections and in all their flaws. If you find yourself constantly wishing he were taller or she was more popular, maybe you're with your partner for the wrong reasons. MYTH: I can show my partner how I really feel by having sex... even though I don't want to. REALITY: Sex is not a bargaining chip or a way to prove your love. And someone who would pressure you in any way is certainly not someone who loves you.MYTH: If you break up, you'll never find someone else.REALITY: Life is long and, right now - in high school - your world is fairly small. The number of people you will meet and experiences you'll have are limitless, so don't assume this one person is the only one for you. MYTH: You're automatically cooler if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. REALITY: If you pin your popularity hopes on being coupled up, you're not being fair to yourself or your partner. Relationships aren't a means to an end - like social climbing - but should be meaningfulResources: Healthy relationship quiz: ................
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