Writing Workshops
Business Letter: Score Point 4
Use the following framework to help you evaluate your own writing and the models
• Follows the specified format
• Includes clear and purposeful information
• Has a respectful and formal tone
• Uses appropriate vocabulary, and is free of errors
• Provides all necessary information
|Model |Commentary |
|May 10, 2009 | |
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|Ms. Anita Ramirez | |
|Ramirez Family Restaurant | |
|69953 Saguaro Ave. | |
|Yucca Valley, CA 92284 | |
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|Dear Ms. Ramirez: | |
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|I am writing to request the opportunity to work with you in your restaurant this summer. | |
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|I am a tenth-grader at Yucca Valley High School and am beginning my research into colleges and trade | |
|schools. One area I am highly interested in is the culinary arts. I am especially interested in working| |
|in a Mexican restaurant because both of my parents are from Mexico. We have gone to their village many | |
|times on family vacations, and my abuela has taught me to make delicious Mexican dishes. I feel that | |
|the culture of Mexico is very important to the United States and would like to provide people with | |
|traditional Mexican cuisine. | |
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|In addition to cooking with my abuela in Mexico, I have had some restaurant experience. This past | |
|spring, I had the opportunity to do a six-week work-study program at a local chain restaurant. I found | |
|the experience highly valuable and learned many things about interacting with customers, dealing with | |
|cash, and ordering inventory. The experience strengthened my desire to someday run my own restaurant. | |
|Please feel free to contact Mr. Dennis Adams at 555-9715 for a reference to my skills and abilities. | |
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|I appreciate you taking the time to consider my request and look forward to speaking with you soon | |
|about my qualifications and goals. Please contact me at 555-6986 to set up a time that we can meet. | |
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|Sincerely, | |
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|Maria Alvarez | |
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Unit 6
Writing Workshop Extension
Business Letter: Score Point 2
Read the student model below. With the Framework as a guide,
write an evaluation of the model in the commentary box,
explaining why the model received the score shown above.
|Model |Commentary |
|69953 Saguaro Ave. | |
|Yucca Valley, CA 92284 | |
| | |
|Dear Ms. Ramirez, | |
| | |
|I would like to work in your restarant this summer. I know alot about Mexican food because | |
|my family is from Mexico and we eat Mexican food all the time. | |
| | |
|I am a 10th grader at Yucca Valley High School. I am starting to think about where I might | |
|want to go to college and what I want to do with my life. Part of me wants to be a teacher. | |
|But then the other part of me wants to run my own business. I think having a restarant would| |
|be good. | |
| | |
|My family eats at your restarant all the time and your food is really good. I thought I | |
|should work in a Mexican restaurant because my parents are from Mexico. We have gone to | |
|there village many times on family vacations. Whenever we are there my Abuela teaches me to | |
|cook Mexican food. I am really good at making flan and carne asada. The culture of Mexico is| |
|very important to the United States. So I think I would like have a traditional Mexican | |
|restarant. | |
| | |
|This past spring, I did a work-study program at restarant. It wasn’t a Mexican one though. I| |
|learned alot about working in a restarant. | |
|Please contact me at 555-6986 to set up a time that we can meet. | |
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|I appreciate your time. | |
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|Sincerely, | |
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|Maria Alvarez | |
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