A Check List for Funerals (CME Year 1)



A Check List for Funerals (IME Year 1)

Initial contacts

With Funeral Director

• Negotiate day, time, place of service (it is helpful for them and you if you tell them

which is your day off)

• Transport (they will provide if needed)

• Details of deceased (name, date of death, age, home address, Next Of Kin – ‘N.O.K.’)

• Any unusual circumstances (e.g. suicide, family estrangements etc.)

With N.O.K. – phone call:

• introduce yourself

• express sympathy

• confirm day and time of funeral

• arrange visit (at their home or yours? who will be there?)

• occasionally the whole funeral needs to be planned over the phone, though not ideal

• There are services in the Common Worship Pastoral Services book for:

- Ministry at Time of Death (page 216)

- At home before the Funeral (page 236)

- For those unable to be present at the Funeral (page 240)

- Receiving the Coffin at Church (page 242)

- A Funeral Vigil (page 246)

Pre-funeral visit (Pastoral / Practical / Personal)

• “How are you feeling?”

• “Was the death sudden / unexpected?”

• “Were you able to be there?”

• “Do you have anyone to help with the practicalities (registering the death etc.)?”

• “Are you sleeping / eating all right?”

Planning the service:

• Service order? E.g. Church to crem /grave? Crem to church? Church then crem unattended?

• I often run through the order of service quickly (to check O.K. and to help them picture

what will happen)

• Is an organist required? Do you need to book?

• Requests for music before and afterwards (and during the service)? Are they providing a CD?

If they are burning the CD for church ask for it in advance to check on your equipment!

• Which hymns? Are they in the hymn book at church / crem?

• Is a service sheet required?

• Is there anyone else taking part – giving a tribute / reading? Take name and contact details

so you can coordinate & introduce in the service. It is helpful to see a copy of the tribute in

advance.

• Any preference for choice of reading(s) – or leave to you?

• Names of close family (for prayers)

• If at crematorium do they want curtains closed or left open at the end?

• Collection / donations – for which charity?

• Are people invited to a reception afterwards? Should you announce this?

Personal (planning the address):

• Check the name the deceased was known as (and which name you should use)

• Ask to see photograph

• Their life story

• Their work

• Their interests

• Their values

• What kind of person were they? / “What will you miss?”

(As people talk I write down what they say, word for word, if possible with telling phrases)

The Funeral Service

• When you have a spare hour or two, read through the Common Worship Pastoral Services, noting all the material you could use and where to find it – it is an excellent resource but not easy to use because of its size

• Have a customised book (either one you have prepared from Visual Liturgy or the separate purple book with your own annotations) – for years I wrote the name of the deceased in pencil on every page!

• If you have time – ring the family on the morning of the funeral to ask how they are feeling.

• Before you set off for crematorium make sure you have robes, books, address, reading(s) – aim to arrive at crem. 15 minutes before service time (or earlier)

• Church funeral – book organist, verger, gravedigger, choir …

(I have built up a list of several organists available for funerals)

• Microphones for readers

• If at church, where is committal?: grave, at crem., or in church (no one at crem.)?

• If a burial, have a copy of committal in waterproof wallet (& umbrella)

• At Crem. – check buttons for music, curtains etc.

• Do you go to reception? Time / pastoral opportunity

• Give yourself time after funerals before rushing to something else –

if taken properly they should leave you feeling drained

Post-funeral care

• If a burial, fill in and send off ‘green form’

• Visit (about a week later? then again about a month later?)

• Give copy / copies of your address to read at leisure / so they can send to people unable to attend

• Service/prayers for after a funeral (Pastoral Services page 318)

• If a cremation you may be asked to say prayers at interment of ashes (see Pastoral Services page 323 – though I find this service too wordy)

• Occasionally a Memorial Service (Pastoral Services page 331 etc.)

• Some churches will have a team of bereavement visitors

• An annual service for the bereaved (e.g. at All Souls) – or more than one a year?

• Anniversary card (keep a chronological record – separate from burial register) with contact details of next of kin – then pass photocopy to member of the congregation to send out cards on behalf of the church

Churchyard rules: available as a download from this page:

• The rules which govern church burial grounds are laid down by the diocese (see separate sheets). The incumbent can authorise only such memorials as conform to h these rules – anything else requires a faculty.

Note: Local stone is strongly encouraged but no polished stone, no marble: a list of acceptable stones is held by DAC. No gold lettering. No kerbs. No stone of a shape other than rectangular (e.g. no books, hearts etc.). No stone larger than permitted dimensions. Epitaphs should be ‘simple and reverent’ (even ‘Dad’ has become controversial!).

• There may well be local rules about residential requirements for burial, which areas can be used for interments of ashes etc. Make sure you know these rules before you imply something will be all right.

Andrew Tawn revised 2017

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