Interpersonal Skills & Application Options



Interpersonal Skills & Application Options

|Skill |Definition |

|  |  |

|"I" Language |A communication skill where the speaker takes |

| |ownership and responsibility for their message by |

| |claiming it as their own. |

|. | |

|3 R's of Listening |The process of listening which involves preparing to|

| |listen (Readying), encouraging the speaker to say |

| |more (Reaching) and paraphrasing what the speaker |

| |has said (Reflecting). |

| | |

|Adapting to Differences |Being flexible about our communication with others |

| |by adjusting our attitudes (by being open-minded), |

| |acknowledging differences, assessing others without |

| |judging them and consciously choosing the best |

| |technique for that person and situation. |

| | |

|Asking for Feedback |Asking others for their reaction to you or to your |

| |behavior. |

| |  |

|Assertive Format |An assertive technique where you express to the |

| |other person the full range of your thoughts and |

| |feelings to others while expressing respect for |

| |them. "I feel (emotion) when you (behavior), I would|

| |prefer (alternate behavior) and/or |

| |(positive/negative consequences)." |

|  | |

|Assertiveness |The ability to share the full range of your thoughts|

| |and feelings without judging or dictating to others.|

| | |

|Attending |The process being aware of information that is |

| |coming in from the environment and selecting what to|

| |pay attention to. |

| | |

|Awareness Wheel (Clear Message Format) |A format which describes all elements of the |

| |awareness wheel so you can express yourself as |

| |clearly as possible. "I think that you are |

| |(conclusions) because (sense data), about that I |

| |feel (emotion) because (impact) and I want to |

| |(desire)." |

|  | |

|Broken Record |An assertive technique where you say what you |

| |want/don't want over and over again. This calm |

| |repetition demonstrates persistence without |

| |emotionality |

|  | |

|Calling People by Their Names |A communication technique where you remember and |

| |call people by their name. In order to remember |

| |names, it's important to attend carefully as you |

| |interact with them and use their name a few times in|

| |a conversation with them. |

| | |

|Cognitive Complexity |The ability to form a variety of different |

| |explanations for the same thing. Cognitive |

| |complexity helps you consider issues from several |

| |angles which may prevent overreacting or |

| |misunderstanding the situation. |

|  | |

|Compromise |An approach to conflict resolution in which both |

| |parties attain at least part of what they wanted |

| |through self-sacrifice. |

| | |

|Conciseness |A verbal communication technique where the sender |

| |expresses their thoughts and ideas clearly by |

| |avoiding information overload. "Getting to the |

| |point" is a synonym for conciseness. |

| | |

|Concrete and Specific Language |A verbal communication technique where the speaker |

| |avoids being vague by choosing words that symbolize |

| |their exact thoughts and feelings. Concrete and |

| |specific language is considered "low on the |

| |abstraction ladder |

| | |

|Confrontation |A conflict resolution technique where you point out |

| |to the other person the effect that his/her behavior|

| |has you and the possible consequences of their |

| |behavior. |

 

|Confrontive Format |A conflict resolution technique where you directly |

| |express to the other person how their behavior |

| |affects you. "I think I understand that you |

| |(empathic statement) and when you (description of |

| |behavior) I feel (emotion) because (reason for |

| |emotion). I would prefer (alternative behaviors) |

| |and/or (positive/negative consequences). I am |

| |concerned because (affirmation of relationship)" |

| | |

|Descriptive Speaking |A verbal communication technique where you state |

| |what you see or hear in objective language without |

| |evaluating. |

| |  |

|Details and Examples |A verbal communication technique where a person |

| |gives specific details and concrete examples while |

| |speaking to help the listener get a clear picture of|

| |what the speaker means. |

|  | |

|Disputing Irrational Thoughts |The process of being aware of illogical thinking, |

| |monitoring your emotional reactions, explaining why |

| |your irrational belief doesn't make sense and |

| |finding alternative ways to view the thought or |

| |issue. |

| | |

|Empathizing |Projecting oneself into another person's point of |

| |view, so as to experience the other's thoughts and |

| |feelings. |

| | |

|Equality |A type of supportive communication where the sender |

| |regards the receiver as worthy of respect and as |

| |worthwhile as oneself. |

| | |

|Fogging |An assertive technique where you accept criticism |

| |you believe to be manipulative by calmly |

| |acknowledging to your critic the probability that |

| |there may be some truth in what they say, yet it |

| |allows you to be the judge of what you do. |

 

|Giving Feedback |A manner in sharing your perceptions with others |

| |that is considered helpful and concrete. The steps: |

| |Be appropriately descriptive, be specific, focus on |

| |changeable behaviors, focus on the present, own the |

| |feedback, give it directly to the person involved, |

| |focus on the needs of the relationship, give |

| |feedback that has been asked for and share your |

| |impressions provisionally. |

| | |

|Immediacy Skills |Communication techniques that show you are genuinely|

| |interested in other people. The skills include being|

| |attentive, making appropriate eye contact, nodding, |

| |smiling and other appropriate facial expressions, |

| |gesturing, being at an appropriately close distance |

| |from the other person, having open body posture and |

| |positively reinforcing the other person and their |

| |ideas. |

| | |

|Initiating Skills |The communication techniques people use in order to |

| |strike up a conversation with someone they don't |

| |know. These skills include: seeking out open people,|

| |taking advantage of conversation-pieces, smiling and|

| |making eye contact, starting with a positive opener,|

| |keeping the conversational-ball rolling, listening, |

| |and ending the conversation gracefully. |

|  |  |

|Interaction Management Skills |Communication techniques that keep interactions |

| |flowing smoothly. These include behaviors such as |

| |conversational turn taking, politeness, equality, |

| |openness, appropriate self-disclosure, questioning |

| |and paraphrasing. |

| | |

|Interpretive Statements |Statements that offer your perception of an event or|

| |person -- what it means to you. |

|  |  |

|Labeling an Emotion |Recognizing (from nonverbal reactions and thoughts) |

| |what emotional state a person is feeling then |

| |finding a vocabulary word for the specific |

| |feeling(s). |

| | |

|Listening |The process of hearing, attending, understanding, |

| |responding and remembers an aural message. |

| | |

|Owning and Expressing Feelings |Making an "I" statement to identify yourself as the |

| |source of an idea or feeling. Feeling statement = "I|

| |feel (emotion)." |

| | |

|Paraphrasing |Restating a speaker's thoughts and/or feelings in |

| |the listener's own words. |

| | |

|Perception Checking Format |A three-part method for verifying the accuracy of |

| |interpretations, including a description of the |

| |sensory data, at least one possible interpretation, |

| |and a request for confirmation of the |

| |interpretation. "I notice that you (sensory |

| |data/behavior), to me that means (interpretation), |

| |is that right (request for clarification) " |

|  | |

|Pillow Method |A method for understanding an issue from several |

| |perspectives rather than with an egocentric "I'm |

| |right and you're wrong" attitude. |

| | |

|Politeness |Relating to others in ways that meet their need to |

| |be appreciated and protected. |

| | |

|Praising (strokes) |Describing the specific positive behaviors or |

| |accomplishments of another and the effects that the |

| |behavior has on others |

|. | |

|Provisional Statements (Provisionalism) |A supportive style of communication in which the |

| |sender expresses a willingness to consider the other|

| |person's information or perceptive. Using wordings |

| |that suggest that an idea is an opinion or may not |

| |be entirely true. |

|  |  |

|Questioning |A verbal communication technique where a person |

| |phrases a sentence to get additional information. |

| | |

|Receiving Feedback Non-Defensively |A manner of accepting feedback (or criticism) |

| |without attacking the person or the information |

| |given. Seek more information through questioning, |

| |paraphrase, use the reflective response, affirm the |

| |other's right to have their perceptions, and thank |

| |them for communicating with you. |

| | |

|Reflective Response Format |The listening techniques where you restate what the |

| |speaker said into your own words. "You feel |

| |(emotion) because (reason), is that right?" |

| | |

|Remembering |The ability to recall information. |

| | |

|Self- Disclosure |The process of deliberately revealing information |

| |about oneself that is significant and others would |

| |not normally know. |

| | |

|SOLER Stance |A physical attending position where you face the |

| |person Squarely, use Open body posture, Lean forward|

| |slightly, use appropriate Eye contact and look |

| |Relaxed in this position. It is used to show others |

| |were are listening to them and to help us stay |

| |focused on them. |

| | |

|Supporting |Making statements whose goal is to soothe, approve, |

| |reduce tension, or pacify the other by acknowledging|

| |that you understand what the other is feelings and |

| |you support that person's right to be feeling that |

| |way. |

| | |

|Versatility |The ability to handle our behavioral preferences and|

| |tendencies (such as our communication style) in a |

| |skilled way, without producing tension or |

| |defensiveness in others. Regarding communication |

| |styles, versatility is being flexible with our |

| |behaviors such that we can adapt to any |

| |communication style the other person is. |

| |  |

|Win-Win Problem Solving |A conflict resolution technique where the goal is to|

| |find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone|

| |involved. The steps are: Identify the problem and |

| |unmet needs, make a date, describe the problem and |

| |needs, consider the other's point of view, negotiate|

| |a win-win solution, and follow the solution. |

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