“Defining moments are the outlines of our lives,” wrote Dr



COLLEGE ESSAY HELPER

“Defining moments are the outlines of our lives,” wrote Dr. Phillip McGraw in Self Matters. These events that shape our lives are typically events that, but for our personal stake, are of little interest and of little drama. But once you add the element of personal involvement and personal impact, once you add that relevancy, events that barely even hit the rest of the world’s radar screen take on considerable significance. Remember, if it is important to you, then it is important. Defining moments may hardly be noticed by anyone not personally involved, but they shape who we are.

To determine defining moments, remember an occasion in terms of at least two ways: first, an incident, and second, a result. By themselves, memories pass quickly. But when that memory has consequences, it becomes a life story. It’s those consequences, the connections between the incident and the result, that make the memories useful. They become small stories that you refer to later in life.

Follow these steps to get a handle on your personal history:

1. List your defining moments; then describe each defining moment in one brief paragraph.

2. For each defining moment, identify the “before” and the “after” in your self-concept.

3. Write a paragraph to describe the long-term residual effect of that defining moment.

4. Write down how and why you think the defining moment either clarified or distorted your authentic self.

5. Review your interpretation of and reaction to the defining moment. Decide whether or not you believe your interpretation was and is accurate.

6. Write down whether this is something that you think you should keep or reject with regard to your concept of self. Include one paragraph as to why.

7. Reviewing these defining moments as a whole, what has been the bottom-line effect on your concept of self, having lived through them?

Benjamin Franklin would test his decisions and review his life events by drawing a big T shape on a piece of paper. Down the left side, he would list all the positive aspects of the decision or action and down the right he would list the negatives. This process helped him to reduce seemingly complex problems to their essence. Extract from what you have written the words that describe what you have carried with you, through life, as a result of your defining moments. You are looking for characteristics that you attribute to those moments. You might list qualities like “kindhearted” or “generous” on the left side and negatives like “fearful” or “bitter” on the right. Honestly and thoroughly engaging in this inventory of your defining moments will bring your self-concept into sharp-edge focus.

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