Song of Solomon 8:6-7, I Corinthians 13



Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, I Corinthians 13

“A Threefold Cord”

My first questions to all couples when they ask if they can be married in the church is why the church? Isn’t a civil marriage enough? Inevitably they will get to the point that the presence of their Savior Jesus Christ at their wedding and in their life is crucial to start their life together on a good note. Do you know I am currently involved in 6 different counseling session for either couples who are going to be married in this church or outside of this church but I am involved in their weddings. I’ve told people I absolutely love to do weddings because I actually feel like their time here in counseling and here during a service can make a huge difference.

But having said that, the numbers of sobering. There is no difference between evangelical Christian couples and the world in the divorce rate, none. Sin is present in all of us and manifests itself in so many different ways. Renite Weems calls love the most elusive of all human experiences. Our responsibility is to try to capture that experience today, at least for a moment, so that those of you who are here worshipping and getting ready to start your life with your husband or wife can take these words and apply them, and those who have been married and are getting ready to renew your vows you can remind yourselves of why you love that man or woman who is your best friend and your life companion.

A three fold chord is not quickly broken, Ecclesiastes tells us this while I Corinthians gives us another threefold chord with one strand being the strongest: faith, hope love, abide these three, but the greatest of these is love.

Let’s read the love chapter.

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One of the disadvantages of the English language as opposed to the original language in which this Bible was written is that in English we have one word for love and it can describe a whole gamut of meanings. But in Greek there are different faces to love and there are different terms. There are three terms to love that we are going to look at today: eros, philae, and agape. Each has a different role, but I am going to argue that in all marriages you need all three of these faces of love.

Let’s look at the first and that is eros. A friends of mine preached a sermon series called “Sex on Sundays”, and let me tell you he packed the house. We know that in our culture, unfortunately, sex does sell even in the church. But often the sex that sells is completely truncated from anything that we are going to talk about today, completely separated from the presence of God or the presence of a marriage relationship.

It wasn’t always like that you know. Song of Solomon is replete with sexual references and connotations and imagery. There is an element of unbridled passion here as love is as strong as death, passion fierce as the grave. It makes you wonder if this is why Paul states in I Corinthians 7 that if you can’t control your passion, you better get married. There definitely is in a Paul a sense that marriage was a safety mechanism for immorality. So what does love have to do with it if we are to get married just out of practical reasons and love isn’t mentioned at all?

Again, Paul makes a strong and accurate statement when dealing with eros and marriage when he states in I Corinthians again: that neither the wife nor the husband has control of their own bodies but rather in a marriage the other has the right over the other persons body. This is a concept that can be extremely liberating for many couples. Some of you guys are nudging your wives saying see: I told you.

But on the other hand some think that eros is all there is to marriage. It is most definitely an important aspect of marriage, but by no means is it that upon which a marriage should be built. Because if and when that falters, not even a little pill can save the relationship if a relationship is built on eros. Am I getting too personal? I hope not. But the Bible is personal, it ought to make us stop and take inventory and today we are taking inventory on our marriage, and on marriage in general.

The second face of love, and this is seen many times in Scripture, is the word philae. You know the city Philadelphia is the city of brotherly love and this term relates to your love for people as family, as brothers and sisters, even as friends. There has to be that connection of what the old cliché states: I married my best friend. That has to be a literal connection. And this is one area where I see so much trouble in couples that I have counseled over these past 13 years. You know the cartoon peanuts and Charlie Brown is the psychologist and Lucy is the patient and she is lying on the couch and she says: I don’t know what it is Chuck, I love humanity, but I just can’t stand people.

Couples have to love to hang out together. You have to love to talk to each other on hours on end like when you first met. You have to love his silly jokes and you have to put up with her penchant for details. I have seen more and more couples staying late at work not because they have to but strictly so that they don’t have to go home. I’ve seen a home turn into a battleground where if the two cross paths it is a minimum of 3 feet between them. Marriage has to have a love that is not based on lust, but rather on a mutual respect for each other that over time matures and strengthens with one’s life experiences.

This is where Ecclesiastes helps us. My absolutely favorite marriage verse, one that we used in our wedding, speaks of the help we are able to give to the other. Instead of tearing each other down, we build up. Instead of giving the cold shoulder, we cuddle to stay warm. The 3 fold cord is husband and wife and God. That is cord that is not quickly broken.

Well, these first two, eros and filae are important types of love that we have to find in a marriage, but as Paul states in I Corinthians, the greatest of these is love: agape. We just read what is called the love chapter and this love is the type of love that God has for us, and so is the type of love that we ought to have for each other. This chapter is so powerful because it tells us we can strive for this. Even though only in Jesus Christ have we ever seen this realized fully, we are commanded to emulate it.

In a marriage we can say that love is always eager to believe the best and put the most favorable construction on an ambiguous action. Husbands and wives you know exactly what that means It means not keeping score on the number of times they did something you thought was wrong only to bring it up later at the most advantageous time for you. It means when they do something you don’t interpret it as something personally directed at you, but rather as something random, in fact maybe even to please you.

Love always gives the benefit of the doubt. And do you know how I know that is true? Just think of how often God has given us the benefit of the doubt and even as Romans 5:5 states, that God has poured his divine love into us even though we’ve given him every reason not to trust us. Can you believe that love!

Now, I know that this chapter never mentions love or relationships, but the love that we have for each other has to be modeled after our Savior’s love for the church, for us which he called his bride.

Paul ends this Scripture with faith, hope, love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love. What a tremendously strong threefold chord that is. Any one without the other leaves us lost as an individual and certainly as a couple. You can love someone but lose faith in them. You can put your hope in someone but not love them.

Let’s leave you today with the opportunity to fall in love again with our spouse. Find that that faith in each other again, hope together for a better future, and love each other with eros, Philae and agape that is out of this world. Amen.

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