A TEACHING TOLERANCE PUBLICATION
A TEACHING TOLERANCE PUBLICATION
BGeoyoldnedntRhuele
A PARENT'S GRUeIsDpEontodiPnrgevtoenPtrienjguadnicde
Beyond the Golden Rule
A Parent's Guide to Preventing and Responding to Prejudice
Written by Dana Williams Illustrations by Vincent Nguyen
II
Table of Contents
Introduction: Talking to Kids About Tolerance
4
About This Book
9
The Preschool Years, Ages 2-5
11
A Whole New World
13
`She Just Knows She's Different'
15
Expert Q&A
17
5 Tips: The Preschool Years
19
The Elementary & Preteen Years, Ages 6-12
21
A Time for Social Growth
23
`It's a Work in Progress'
26
Expert Q&A
27
5 Tips: The Elementary & Preteen Years
31
The Teen Years, Ages 13-17
33
Searching for Identity
35
`We All Have a Responsibility'
37
Expert Q&A
39
5 Tips: The Teen Years
43
Reflecting Upon Our Own Biases
45
The Work Continues
47
`It Goes Against My Feelings'
48
A Difficult Conversation to Have
49
Expert Q&A
50
Personal Bias: A Reflection Exercise
52
Closing: Talking To Kids About Prejudice
53
Organizations & Resources
55
Credits & Acknowledgements
56
( ) Talking to Kids About Tolerance
The first conversation my mother ever initiated with me about tolerance happened the night before I started first grade.
I'd just finished my bath and slipped into my Muppets pajamas, which matched the Muppets lunchbox I'd painstakingly chosen for the new school year.
I dragged out what we called the hairbasket, a large wicker container of combs, brushes, detanglers, ribbons and barrettes. Then I sat between my mother's knees while she parted and braided my hair.
On and on I chatted about the colorful new ensemble I planned to wear, how I would surely have the prettiest outfit and hair and, of course, the best shoes of all the girls in my class.
My mother pulled extra hard on the section of hair she was braiding, one of her ways of expressing displeasure with something I'd said or done.
I winced, and she told me something I've never forgotten: "You're not any better than anyone at that school, and don't you ever behave like you are. And no one at that school is any better than you, and don't you ever let them make you believe they are."
I didn't know it then, but that statement was my mother's attempt to introduce the concept of tolerance to me, long before it was the buzzword it has become today. My mother was teaching me to resist the notion of supremacy -- both my own and other people's.
She went on to offer her version of the Golden Rule: "I want you to always treat others like you'd want them to treat you -- even if you were barefoot and dressed in rags."
Those words echoed throughout my childhood, doled out as a one-size-fits-all solution to whatever social problems I faced at school.
Parents As Teachers
I have a child of my own now, and my mother's words come back to me. And I know this: Teaching tolerance must begin with the Golden Rule, but it certainly does not end there. Too often, simply advising a child to "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is insufficient.
There are times when we as parents must explain things that are painful and unfair -- racism, sexism, stereotypes, hate. Times when we must comfort our children, times I have had to help my 10-year-old son learn that what some would do unto him isn't always kind or fair.
Like the day we stopped at a local carnival and I was forced to explain to him why he could not have the small photo he had won while shooting darts -- a caricature of a bulldog against an image of the Confederate flag.
Or the Christmas he wanted an Easy Bake Oven and couldn't understand why family
4
5
members and friends balked at the notion. Or why his elementary school's "Indian" mascot -- a feather-toting, stereotypical
warrior -- was offensive and unacceptable. Such moments have provided learning opportunities for my son and for me. Here's
what I've learned: Speak openly. When we are honest with children about our country's history of big-
otry, sexism and stereotypes, we help prepare them to challenge these issues when they arise. A child who knows the racial history of the Confederate flag, for example, is less likely to brandish that symbol out of ignorance.
Model equity. As parents, we are our kids' first teachers. When it comes to teaching tolerance, actions speak louder than words. When you say that boys and girls are equal but refuse to buy your son an Easy Bake Oven because it's a "girls' toy," what message do you send?
Do something. Take a stand when you witness injustice. Challenge racism, bigotry and stereotypes, and encourage your child to take action, too. Silence and inaction in the face of bigotry condone it. With regard to offensive mascots, for example, hold a petition drive, write an editorial in the school paper, organize a boycott of the school supply store -- do something to make a difference.
These conversations are rarely easy, and sometimes we don't have answers. What we do have is time, patience and the desire to help our children grow into adults who value and honor diversity. So that, someday, they might remember what we said the night before they started first grade -- and be better people for it.
Dana Williams Teaching Tolerance
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