Formal Outline: “Divorce in America”



Formal Outline: “Divorce in America”

Eric Hughes, Mandi Miller, Kristi Mertens, Ondrea Row, and Brad Heitzman

Introduction (Attention)

I. Attention Catcher: Webster’s Universal College Dictionary states that divorce is, “a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage and releasing both spouses from all matrimonial obligations.”

II. Listener Relevance: We all know a couple who have been divorced. Divorce scars all those that come in contact with it. Throughout most of the world it is understood that marriage is a very sacred ceremony. But marriage doesn’t stop after the honeymoon; you have to live with that person for the rest of your days.

III. Speaker Credibility: We have all researched divorce and found some very interesting discoveries.

IV. Thesis: Divorce is a major problem in our society, but there are ways we can stop it.

V. Preview: We will discuss reasons for divorces, a plan to stop divorce, changes for the future of divorce, and what you can do about divorce.

Transition: Marriage is based on a series of fundamental principles. Mandi will tell you a little about how we need to fix our current divorce situation.

Body

I. First Main Point (Need): There are plenty of reasons to divorce.

Listener Relevance: Many of have had first hand experience or know of marriages that have broken down for all kinds of reasons: our parent’s marriage, our sibling’s marriage or our friend’s marriage.

A. SubPoint: So, why do marriages fail?

Listener Relevance: Most of us who are married or want to get married do not want it to end in divorce.

1. Sub-SubPoint: The stresses and strains of living together are too difficult for many couples to deal with. Family researchers and family therapists have spent a significant amount of time investigating what causes divorce. According to the Journal of Family Psychology, in a national study of marital therapists, who work with couples, Whisman, Dixon and Johnson identified the most prominent problems reported by couples. The results of their study demonstrate that poor communication was the number one reason followed by power struggles, unrealistic expectations about marriage, sexual relationship problems and difficulties in decision making were the five issues reported by couples (1997).

2. Sub-SubPoint: The same study also provided an overall ranking based on the frequency, difficulty of treating and damaging impact of each problem. Based on the overall ranking the top 5 issues were…power struggles being number one followed by lack of loving feelings, communication, extramarital affairs and unrealistic expectations. The most difficult problems for therapists to treat were lack of loving feelings, alcoholism and extramarital affairs. The issues with the most damaging impact on the marriage were physical abuse, extramarital affairs and alcoholism (1997).

Transition: Now that we have covered the many reasons why marriages fail we will now examine the trends in divorce.

B. Sub-Point: Who does divorce affect?

1. Sub-SubPoint: According to the textbook Marriage and the Family the likelihood of a marriage being successful is less than 50% but some researchers argue that this figure may be too conservative and they predict that two thirds of all marriages in the U.S. today will end in divorce (2000). The U.S. Census Bureau states that in 1996 there were approximately 1.9 million marriages and 1 million divorces in America. Divorce is found higher among lower income couples, higher among Blacks than Whites, higher among people who marry at a young age and higher among religiously mixed marriages. The highest rate of divorce, 60%-80%, is among women who marry in their teens, are of lower socioeconomic status, drop out of high school and are pregnant when they marry. The average age at divorce is 36 for men and 33 for women and the average length of first marriages that end in divorce is about 7 years (1997).

2. Sub-SubPoint: Many explanations have been suggested for the dramatic rise in divorces that began in the 1960s such as; change in divorce laws, women’s liberation, economic conditions, level of education of women and increasingly tolerant attitudes toward divorce.

Transition: Couples should try and take these bonds a bit more seriously. Kristi will enlighten us with a few solutions to the problems of divorce.

I. Second Main Point (Satisfaction): Counseling and more marriage requirements could benefit many couples that are already married, or wish to become married. By implementing a few new requirements, somehow and someway every person would benefit.

Listener Relevance Link: Through pure desire, drive, and dedication we can make a marriage work. We just need to come up with alternatives besides divorce. For everyone, the goal should be to make the marriage last forever, and it all comes down for us to choose and make those right/correct decisions.

A. Sub-Point: If marriage counselors or therapists are able to help couples

learn how to communicate better, teach problem solving techniques, and encourage coping strategies, this will all reduce the strain on the marriage, and can possibly turn it back into a strong/good marriage. With the relationship being able to become stronger, it may result in lasting longer. Therefore, mandatory counseling should be required before making any hasty decisions to sever a marriage.

A. Subpoint: According to The Village Family Service Center, “You don’t have to go it alone.”

1. Sub-Subpoint: Counseling’s primary goal is to improve the quality of life through services designed to strengthen individuals and families.

2. Sub-Subpoint: The mission of The Village Family Magazine is to broaden the ability to improve the quality of people’s lives. Their goal is to educate and encourage families to develop and maintain positive and constructive relationships.

3. Sub-subpoint: Each person’s problems will come to surface if they are honest with themselves and others.

4. Sub-subpoint: According to Kathryn Hill, a counselor at the Village, Counseling can help work through the problems, and then the focus would be on the healing of the relationship, not necessarily as husband and wife, but as one human being to another. By being able to do this, cooperation is gained instead of resentment.

B. Sub-Point: The actual process of getting married is extremely easily done in this day and age. Having an extended time to make sure that all of the decisions were made with a clear head is essential. For example, having to apply for a permit before the marriage license, so to speak, would require a period of time, (just like getting a permit before your driver’s license) to “practice” and make sure the decision you are going to make is solid, right, and forever. To confirm that life-long commitment you are about to make is the right decision.

1. Sub-Subpoint: Did you know that a marriage license can be applied for at the Grand Forks County Office Building, where there is no blood test required and no waiting period? The cost being $35.00.

a. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: That license, once issued, is good for a period of sixty days. After those sixty days, it becomes void.

1. Sub-Subpoint: And did you know that you can go to the Suwannee County Clerk of District Court in Florida, to get married and the actual process of getting the application is just a small formality? There are just a couple requirements for out of state residents.

a. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: You must show proof of residence.

b. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: You must be at least eighteen years of age.

c. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: There is no waiting period and no premarital counseling required.

d. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: The license fee is $88.50.

e. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: You must provide your social security number or proof of immigration registration from the United State Immigration and Naturalization Services.

f. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: If previously married, know the date the divorce was final or if spouse is deceased, the date of his/her death.

g. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: Even a Deputy Clerk at the cost of $20.00 can perform wedding ceremonies and at this point, the applicants must show a picture ID.

Transition: You must know that you are ready before you decide to get married. Ondrea warns us about some troubles in the future of divorce.

II. Third Main Point (Visualization): By having certain requirements prior to getting married or divorced, we will be able to save many marriages.

Listener Relevance: I am sure that most of you have thought about getting married in the future, but have any of you ever thought that you marriage might end up in divorce?

A. Subpoint: Mandatory counseling before and after marriage will help end high divorce rates.

1. Sub-Subpoint: According to Frank Gunzburg, Ph.D., a marriage

counselor, counseling enables people to express their concerns and having them be understood. This understanding leads to planning the next step to enhancing communication and developing methods for conflict resolution.

2. Sub-Subpoint: Mandatory couple counseling with a psychiatrist,

psychologist, or a religious counselor before marriage will help to get the concerns out in the open.

3. Sub-Subpoint: For example, maybe some of you would like to have kids

in the future. What if you future spouse does not? By waiting to discuss this issue after you are married, you may have a big problem on your hands. By discussing issues like this one, along with many others, perhaps you could save your self the devastation that could lead to a fight, and in the long run, possibly even a divorce.

4. Sub-Subpoint: Continuing your counseling sessions may also help with

your (hopefully) everlasting marriage. By continuing your sessions, the help of a third party opinion may help when it comes to immense issues that you and your spouse can not collaborate on.

5. Sub-Subpoint: However, counseling is not the only solution. There

should also be a mandatory waiting period.

B. Subpoint: A waiting period for a marriage license and for seeking a divorce will also help to end divorce.

1. Sub-Subpoint: According to a website about marriage, almost all of the

states in the U.S. do not require a waiting period to receive a marriage license. Yes, this is way anyone of you could fly to Vegas tonight and get hitched!

a. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: By having a waiting period before receiving a marriage license, people can get to know each other better. If two people know each other very well and have discussed all of the major issues that are imperative to a marriage, according to Dr. Gunzberg, will lesson the their chance of divorce.

1. Sub-Subpoint: Another waiting period for seeking a divorce should also be necessary.

b. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: For example, lets say that you and your spouse have decided to get a divorce. During the time while you are waiting to get a divorce, you can see a counselor. He or she can help the two of you to decide if a divorce is the only option left. Many people get a divorce just because it seems like the easiest thing to do. Threw counseling maybe the two of you will decide that you can work threw your problems and that you do not need to get a divorce.

Transition: However, don’t let all this talk of divorce get you down; there is still hope for love. Brad will inform you of some options that you have.

III. Fourth Main Point (Action): If you know someone getting a divorce, there are several things you could do.

Listener Relevance: I am sure everyone out there at least knows of someone who has been through a divorce.

A. Subpoint: You can begin by seeking legal steps in passing a few laws.

1. Sub-Subpoint: These laws would help eliminate many wasteful

divorces by making it harder to get married.

2. Sub-Subpoint: Without the hasty marriages, the reduction of even

hastier divorces.

3. Sub-Subpoint: (explanation of some of laws discussed in earlier

speeches)

Transition: If you aren’t too excited to go through the legal stuff, here is another option.

B. Subpoint: Stress the importance of counseling.

1. Sub-Subpoint: When talks of divorce begin, you must emphasize this point.

2. Sub-Subpoint: This step will allow the couple to just sit down and think through the entire process.

3. Sub-Subpoint: Be sure to seek out a qualified marriage counselor for the best opportunity for reconciliation.

a. Sub-Sub-Subpoint: On a study done with 592 certified therapists, 492 patients gave their comments. 83% felt therapeutic goals achieved, 63% felt their relationship with their partner got better.

C. Subpoint: Simply wait to get married.

1. Sub-Subpoint: Those who get married early in their lives have a much higher probability of getting divorced.

2. Sub-Subpoint: Highest rate of divorce, 60%-80%, among women who married in their teens. (US Bureau of Census, 1997)ic

3. Sub-Subpoint: Even if you are older, you still should wait.

4. Sub-Subpoint: Be sure to take some time to get to know the person before making the commitment of marriage.

Transition: Marriage is a topic that should be taken very seriously.

Conclusion

I. Main Point Summary: We have discussed some reasons for divorce, plans to stop divorce, changes for the future of divorce, and what you can do about divorce.

II. Thesis Restatement: Divorce is a growing problem for us. But there are ways to stop it.

III. Clincher: So when the time comes to say the words, “…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death parts us. And I pledge you my faithfulness in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost,” make sure that you really mean it.

References

Dasher, K. Suwannee County Clerk of Circuit Court. Marriage License Requirements, Retrieved December 04, 2001 from the World Wide Web:

Doherty, W.J. & Simmons, D.S. (1996). Clinical practice patterns of marriage and family therapists: A national survey of therapists and their clients. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 22, 9-25.

K. Hill, personal communication, December 04, 2001.

Marriage Counseling and Individual Counseling. [online]. Available at:



North Dakota Wedding License Laws- Marriage. [online]. Available at:



Olson, H.D., and DeFrain, J. (2000). Marriage and the Family; Diversity and Strengths. Mountain View; California: Mayfield Publishing Company.

Steen, L. (2001, November/December). Redefining Normal: Families in a New Reality. The Village Family Magazine, 47.

Tax Equalization Office. (2001, August 06). Applying For A Marriage License. Grand Forks County.

Retrieved December 04, 2001 from the World Wide Web:

Webster’s Universal College Dictionary. (1997) New York: Gramercy.

Whisman, M. A., Dixon, A. E., and Johnson, B. (1997). Journal of Family Psychology, 11, 361-366. Copyright 1997 by the American Psychological Association.

U.S. Bureau of the census.(1997). Statistical Abstract of the United States (117ed). Wash. DC: U.S. Government Printing Office

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